Bryan: I know you’re hungry, little baby, so you’ll want to get your hands out of the way. Stop pushing the bottle away, little guy.
Me: (cooing voice) Who doesn’t know what hands are yet? Whooo doesn’t understand the basic principles of physics? Whooo?
Bryan: Who jerks around like he has some sort of grave neurological disorder? Whoooo?
Both: It’s Henry! It’s Heeeenry!
Author: admin
Bow Before My Intellect
I just splashed water on my face without removing my glasses, and moments later I tried to eat the pen in my left hand while holding a banana in my right.
Stating the Obvious
“You know what I haven’t seen in awhile?” I say to Bryan. “Fight Club. I love that movie. Let’s rent it.” Bryan heads to the video store and returns with the movie. As we’re watching, I realize that momhood has ushered in a new era of overreaction to bloody images.
Me: Whoa! Oooooo.
Bryan: …
Me: Jeez! JEEZ!
Bryan: …
Me: This is violent.
Bryan: It’s not called Cuddle Club.
Things on Which We Now Have Opinions
Bryan: I voted for American Idol last night.
Me: You did?
Bryan: Yep.
Me: Our world is shrinking.
Bryan: Yep.
Me: Who’d you vote for?
Bryan: Young Indian guy and big curly haired guy.
Me:… Well played.
Adjusting to Breastfeeding
Last night I dreamt that a bald man was chasing me, intent on slaughtering me for cannibalistic purposes.
The Ghost of Motherhood Future
In a desperate bid for more television hours to fill our depleted Tivo, I record a show called Yummy Mummy. They’re doing a makeover segment on a mom who collects holiday sweaters.
Mom: And this is a Christmas sweater! But I wear it throughout the winter because it’s a nice wintry scene.
Me: Stop it.
Mom: And this is my Halloween sweater.
Me: Stop it… Stop.
Mom: This is my Valentine’s Day sweater, with all the hearts.
Me: Stop it.
Bryan: She can’t hear you.
Me:…
Mom: And this is another Christmas sweater.
Me: …
Mom: And I even have all the jewelry to match!
Me: Stop it.
Bryan: Maybe you should watch something else.
Duedates
Heather just sent me a link to a very amusing countdown ticker site. I wish I’d had this all along. Anyway, you’ll find my ticker at the bottom of the page.
Pregnancy Doesn’t Suck, Part 4
You lay down to read around noon, and wake up at 4 p.m. Refreshing.
You start to let go of the little things without shame. Shaving your legs falls lower on your priority list, somewhere after training for a marathon.
Metabolism Through the Years
So, Maggie, what have you been doing? Well, friends, I have been asleep. In addition, I have been preparing snacks. And then there’s all the eating and resting I’ve been up to.
Also, I’ve been sharing embarrassing photos of myself in high school on heavily trafficked Web sites. Head over to check out my high-waist Daisy Dukes and my worried-looking glamour shot.
However, I must say, after spending months waddling around with a carton of ice cream in my hand, it’s hard to feel embarrassed about any photo in which I weighed roughly 63 pounds. Not impossible, but hard.
You Are Scary
phonophobia – fear of your own voice
eisotrophobia – fear of seeing yourself in the mirror
Mighty Girl 