Tag: It’s a boy

Moms Gone Wild

I’ve been making videos with a bunch of other moms. We roll around in hot oil, and then talk about Thanksgiving:

http://blip.tv/play/gew+29olkOIX

We also talk about ways to punish our partners when they disagree with us:

http://blip.tv/play/gew+2bpxkOIX

All right, I kid. It’s us in twin-sets, knitting and drinking tea.

Heather, Alice, and I did do a few segments with our tops off, but they edited them out. Stupids.

(I posted this yesterday, but accidentally deleted it, so a few comments are missing. I’m sorry if yours was one of them, because I think you’re nice.)

Success!

Despite weeks of anxious keening whenever I tried to get near Hank with his elephant costume, it took Dad approximately ten minutes of coaxing to get our little guy suited up.

“How the hell did you do that?”
“I promised him chocolate.”
“Oh.”

So Hank would put his hat on to obtain candy, and then remove the hat once he’d procured it. After about the fifth house, he just left it on. Suckah!

Later that night, Bryan settled in while I figured out what to wear to Meg and Rahul’s annual Halloween bash. I ultimately went as Mia from Pulp Fiction, because I randomly had all the elements in my closet.

Please note the faux hypodermic needle sticking out of my chest.

I was going to bloody my face, but Bryan advised against it on the grounds that the “needle” would only last 20 minutes or so and then I’d just look like some confusing modern-day Cleopatra zombie.

Shockingly, the needle went the distance. Around 2 a.m. I had to steady myself against a bathroom stall at the Makeout Room while another drunk girl peeled it off my chest. It wasn’t nearly as hot as it sounds.

Not Even a Devo Hat

We have three costumes for Hank, none of which he will wear, because he does not like hats. Or tails. Or sleeves.

It’s perplexing, because he’s never resisted any of these things before. Clearly, he can sense how much Halloween means to me. How I will do anything, short of super-gluing ears to his head, to get him in a costume.

Every time I approach with some bedazzled, be-furred, or suspiciously stiff garment, he thrusts a tiny toddler hand in my face.

“No?” he says. “Bye, Mama! Bye-bye! No? NO? NOOOOOOOOoooooooo? “

And then he shakes his head vigorously and super-glue sprays everywhere. I will never get it out of the carpet.

As for that beguiling, “No?” Don’t let the question mark fool you, he will avenge himself on your offspring if you keep advancing with that cowboy hat. What kind of monster are you? The kind who’s comfortable with toddler vendettas, apparently.

“Kid! Don this elephant costume immediately. Do you hear me? Mommy wants to keep you up well past your bedtime and flood your system with high fructose corn syrup. Hold! Still!“

Eat your heart out, Dr. Spock.

He’s One!

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happy birthday, originally uploaded by rcarver.

This is Hank looking doleful at his first birthday party. He was alarmed by the volume of birthday wishes headed his way, and confused by the flaming cake, but everything worked out in the end.

The party theme was Balls!, and one of the guests brought him two. They were wrapped next to each other in tissue paper, and were spectacularly graphic. It’s possible all of us will pay in the next lifetime, but for now we’re enjoying ourselves.

Home Again, Home Again

We’re back, and still feeling a little akimbo. That may be because Hank keeps waking up at 3:30 a.m. While I pull the photos and tips and ideas I have in various notebooks, you should see this video Bryan made of Hank freaking out over a red ball. This baby guy is a totally awesome baby guy: