In Portland, a group of punk youth is entrenched on sidewalk. They are smoking, trying to out-blasé one another. One holds a sign that reads, “AT LEAST WE’RE NOT MUGGING YOU.”
Tag: humor
Stats
I’m three months pregnant, and my 9-year-old nephew and I discuss baby names:
Trevor: What will you name it if it’s a boy?
Me: Maybe Hank.
Trevor: Hank Aaron had more home runs than anyone else.
Me: Really?
Trevor: He was MVP in 1957.
Me: I didn’t know that.
Trevor: He was also black at the time.
Filling in for Siblings
Bryan: I know you’re hungry, little baby, so you’ll want to get your hands out of the way. Stop pushing the bottle away, little guy.
Me: (cooing voice) Who doesn’t know what hands are yet? Whooo doesn’t understand the basic principles of physics? Whooo?
Bryan: Who jerks around like he has some sort of grave neurological disorder? Whoooo?
Both: It’s Henry! It’s Heeeenry!
Bow Before My Intellect
I just splashed water on my face without removing my glasses, and moments later I tried to eat the pen in my left hand while holding a banana in my right.
Stating the Obvious
“You know what I haven’t seen in awhile?” I say to Bryan. “Fight Club. I love that movie. Let’s rent it.” Bryan heads to the video store and returns with the movie. As we’re watching, I realize that momhood has ushered in a new era of overreaction to bloody images.
Me: Whoa! Oooooo.
Bryan: …
Me: Jeez! JEEZ!
Bryan: …
Me: This is violent.
Bryan: It’s not called Cuddle Club.
Things on Which We Now Have Opinions
Bryan: I voted for American Idol last night.
Me: You did?
Bryan: Yep.
Me: Our world is shrinking.
Bryan: Yep.
Me: Who’d you vote for?
Bryan: Young Indian guy and big curly haired guy.
Me:… Well played.
Baby Names Rejected as “Too Victorian”
Eustice Infirmity Mason
Humphrey Concomitant Mason
Exhaustia Recumbent Mason
Rampant Humility Mason
Lucidity Ubiquitous Mason
Spam Headers, Continued
hot potato corroborate
swagger shoplifiting
frothy heavely
Joke Club
I have a joke up over at Josh A. Cagan’s Joke Club (scroll down until you see my photo). Mr. Cagan is an official NaBloPoMo participant, which means a solid month of hilarious posts from the Cagan household. Go read them.
Here’s, the joke he didn’t use:
Kevin Federline reportedly wrote a nasty message to his ex-wife Britney Spears on the shower door of his dressing room at the House of Blues in Chicago. The message was scrawled in permanent marker, which begs the question, where did he get opposable thumbs?
Overheard: Hobbies
-Are you gonna have some time kicking around New York between meetings?
-Some time on Tuesday, why?
-There are some elevators I think you might want to check out.
-Oooo!
Mighty Girl 