Archive for January, 2007

phonophobia - fear of your own voice
eisotrophobia - fear of seeing yourself in the mirror

Ever since you can remember, whenever pregnancy comes up, someone offers a worst-case scenario. Women terrify you with tales of endless nausea, constant irritation, ballooning, swelling, facial skin discoloration. They proffer a string of “just you waits.” You begin to seriously consider adoption.
When you get pregnant, the stories only intensify. Disfiguring stretch marks, preeclampsia, debilitating […]

Lately, Matthew Baldwin of Defective Yeti is posting like crazy, and he’s been pulling a few ideas from my book, No One Cares What You Had for Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog. Here’s my favorite 100 Ideas-inspired post so far. Never underestimate the power of acid wash jeans and red suspenders to make your […]

So, I have to be more careful. The baby in my daily photo (now removed) was a friend’s sweet baby from our birthing class. Not our baby, reapeat, not our baby. Rest assured, when I am no longer pregnant, you will know definitively that the baby you’re looking at is ours, as I will be […]

The Mighty Goods Valentine’s Day Gift Guide is up! You have three weeks and no excuses.

Suddenly I feel conspicuous ordering extra pickles for my hamburger.

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Me painting, originally uploaded by MaggieMason.

Bryan and I adore our spacious, reasonably priced, one-bedroom apartment, so instead of moving when I got pregnant we decided to convert the breakfast nook (my old office) into a […]

ESPIONAGE

Originally uploaded by MaggieMason.

For half an hour, I wandered around with my giant Cannon hanging off my neck. I took dozens of photos with a loud CHA-CHICK each time. As I aimed my lens at yet another bin of confections, the storekeeper said, “I’m sorry. I can’t allow you to take photos here.” I jerked […]

Me: Oh no, that is not a mime jam jar in the window.
Bryan: Where?
Me: Uh. Right there.
Bryan: Technically, that’s a Harlequin.
Me: No. Shut up. No.
Bryan: I’m just saying, there’s a difference.
Me: Baby… Did you not hear me say shut up?

First World Livin’

Originally uploaded by MaggieMason.

That gaping void you’ve been feeling in your soul? It can be filled with this $165 Sterling Silver Bubble Wand from Tiffanys. The bubble wand is the answer.