Jeff: Yoda?
Bryan: You can’t have Yoda.
J: What? You gave me Darth!
B: Darth is like a descriptive. There’s Darth Vader, Darth Maul. It’s a title.

Me: You know the weirdest thing about these boobs?
Bryan: What?
M: Every night when I change into pajamas, I realize crumbs of food have been collecting in my cleavage all day long. It’s not hot.
B: I love how you say “these boobs” instead of “my boobs.” Like they’re an inconvenient college roommate who’s been assigned to you.
M: I can’t relate to them.

Him: How come every time you come around my London, London Bridge wanna go down?
Me: Shhh, baby.

Me: Yikes. Did you know that they discovered that some monkeys speak in sentences?
Bryan: Really?
M: Yes. And dolphins use names.
B: Wow.
M: I’m thinking again that we probably shouldn’t be eating animals, though they are delicious.
B: Why not?
M: Because we don’t have to. We have other means of survival. And they have personalities. And they mourn. And they can talk in sentences.
B: Yeah, but they eat each other.
M: Yeah, but we’re smarter than them.
B: Doesn’t sound like it.

Lunch conversation in a restaurant filled with bottles:

– If you’re lucky, I’ll be one of those guys who collects novelty whisky bottles.
– What’s the lucky part of that?
– It would be something we could do together.
– (shakes head)
– Um. We’d get to go to bottle shows!
– (shakes head)
– Um. I’d spend most of my time in the basement?

-We should have brought some Trivial Pursuit cards with us.

-Ahhh. We don’t need the cards, you can do that shit impromptu. It goes like this: “What the fuck was that one movie, the one where the guy had the sled?”

-Ha. All the Trivial Pursuit cards should start like that.

-Geography, “Where the hell was that one place where…”

-Literature, “Shit, who wrote that thing about…

-Sports, “Who won that fucking series? Why can’t I remember this?”