Tag: observations

Educated Guess

In line for coffee, he calls the barista’s name three times — loudly, excitedly. When she finally responds, her face is blank, her voice flat. “Hi,” she says, and turns back to her work.

Dude gets out of line, pretending to look at the café art while waiting for her to engage. Dude will be waiting for quite some time.

Wit, Rapier-Like

Two things Alice said:

1. “Did you see Match Point? The weird thing about Woody Allen is that he’s been doing the same thing his whole life, and obviously has no desire to learn anything about any other profession. So he doesn’t research what he’s writing about. It’ll be a business situation and the characters will be like, ‘Do you business? I also business! I engage at business in an extremely businesslike manner.'”

2. (Reading from a magazine cover) Does He Like You on Top?
“You turn to the article and it’s a two-page spread that just says, ‘Yes.'”

Last Song

Rats! I’m so bummed that I was taking a nap when Andrew sent out this genius prompt. My answer would have been:

“Before He Cheats,” by Carrie Underwood
We turned on VH1 to supply the proper background noise for the sleeping kiddo, and this video was on. I almost lunged at the TV to change the channel. I had just gotten the damn song out of my head after (I do not exaggerate) a four-day brain rotation. For three nights, I was waking up to go to the bathroom and humming this maddening song. I finally cleansed by singing “I Got Rhythm” over and over because it was the catchiest song I could remember. Now I’m betting on the “I Dream of Jeannie” theme song, but no luck so far.

What’s the last song you heard?

Ok, Shhhhhh

The girl at the next table is very drunk. When her tablemate heads for the restroom, she unexpectedly turns to me and my friend.

“God damn, he’s cute. You know? He’s cute right? I know! He’s married, and I’m engaged, but man. You know what I mean? Man! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love my Mark, and he loves his Anne. I mean, Dan isn’t even my type. He’s all built and jacked up, and Mark is like tall and thin and fuckin’ smooooooth. You know? Fuckin’ smooth. I mean, compared to Mark, Dan is nothing to look at. I mean, he’s hot, or whatever, but not my type. I mean Mark is gorgeous, like a fuckin’ model. And Anne is so sweet, and she’s gorgeous too, like, model-gorgeous. And I love Anne, for sure, she’s incredible, I mean, so incredible. But it’s like, when me and Dan get together, it’s like… Man! I mean, I’d never do anything with him, I wouldn’t even date him, I wouldn’t even look at him normally as the type of guy I’d look at. Maybe for like two seconds. But I love my Mark, and he loves his Anne. Nothing’s gonna happen, but you know sometimes you just gotta get it out. And me and him are like laaaughing and talking and just laying it out, like, I like you, I like you too stuff. Nothing’s gonna happen though. OK, SHHHHHH! Here he comes!”

Three Things on My Mind

1. How restaurants, when they give me tea, never give me the ability to stop the brewing process. Help me out here, restaurants. A saucer for the teabag, a little basket that lifts out of the pot, thereby removing the loose leaves. Or, if you want to get all fancy, a carafe of boiling water with which to dilute the syrupy, over-caffeinated, mouth-puckering stew. What do you say, restaurants? Let’s do this thing.

2. How I was not ready with my camera when the be-kilted St. Patrick’s Day bagpiper paused to coo over Hank in his little green onesie. Drat. Fiddlesticks.

3. Using see-saws and merry-go-rounds to pump water in developing nations is awesome.