Ok, Shhhhhh

30th March 2007

The girl at the next table is very drunk. When her tablemate heads for the restroom, she unexpectedly turns to me and my friend.

“God damn, he’s cute. You know? He’s cute right? I know! He’s married, and I’m engaged, but man. You know what I mean? Man! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love my Mark, and he loves his Anne. I mean, Dan isn’t even my type. He’s all built and jacked up, and Mark is like tall and thin and fuckin’ smooooooth. You know? Fuckin’ smooth. I mean, compared to Mark, Dan is nothing to look at. I mean, he’s hot, or whatever, but not my type. I mean Mark is gorgeous, like a fuckin’ model. And Anne is so sweet, and she’s gorgeous too, like, model-gorgeous. And I love Anne, for sure, she’s incredible, I mean, so incredible. But it’s like, when me and Dan get together, it’s like… Man! I mean, I’d never do anything with him, I wouldn’t even date him, I wouldn’t even look at him normally as the type of guy I’d look at. Maybe for like two seconds. But I love my Mark, and he loves his Anne. Nothing’s gonna happen, but you know sometimes you just gotta get it out. And me and him are like laaaughing and talking and just laying it out, like, I like you, I like you too stuff. Nothing’s gonna happen though. OK, SHHHHHH! Here he comes!”

52 thoughts on “Ok, Shhhhhh

  1. Beks

    Wow, someone counted the no. of words? I have to agree though – this is a novel right there

  2. MomVee

    Wow. All I can do it quote this week’s “Friday Night Lights”: “I may not have a PhD in Stupid like you do, but I can tell you that this is going to end badly.”

  3. Lisa

    I agree that something is so totally gonna happen. Maybe they can hook Mark and Anne up with each other. What a mess!

    You have some much fun when you get to get out of the house. I’m sooo jealous. I never overhear anything good. :(

  4. Nancy

    I’m PRAYING it was more like: *her thinking bubble here* Hey, there’s MIGHTY GIRL! I know, I will give her some quick blog fodder.”

  5. AiChan

    I am very impressed that you can memorize all what she said and are not confused with all the names…

  6. Stephanie

    At a party, this would have been worth those “Greasy sausage balls on a paper plate.” Almost.

  7. braine

    Sorry to bust everyone’s bubble, but what the hell are you doing out of the house, near the drunk hooking-up people? Didn’t you have a baby? YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED OUT WITH THE DRUNK HOOKING-UP PEOPLE THIS SOON AFTER. Otherwise we’ve been wasting the last….oooooohhhh, four years.

  8. Emi

    Funny thing is, if that conversation had happened in Michigan, I would be 99.9999989% sure you were sitting next to a really close friend of mine from college. Appallingly eerie that it didnt happen in Michigan really…

  9. BOSSY

    Maggie: You just won the Adjacent Table award. Bossy sometimes refuses to speak to her own family in restaurants because she is so busy listening to the people one table over. Except other than one Proposal (she said no) the events at the next table inevitably fall short. Or maybe nothing can compare to to the drama taking place at Bossy’s own table, which usually involves at least one child refusing to eat the food due to the proximity of real live parsley.

  10. Amethyst

    You see, now I need pictures of all four of them to form an opinion. Also, I agree with the above in wanting to know if Tablemate was also snockered.

  11. Deb

    I picture you typing dictation style as she is talking to you and you maintain surprised/amused eye contact the whooooollllleeee time…..

    LOVED IT

  12. Kristen

    this is as good as the time i listened to 2 women in a family-friendly restaurant talk at top-volume about recent “fucks” they had experienced. one gal saying to the other, “so, were you making love, or were you fucking? was it a good fuck? huh? yeah? i thought so, he looks like he’d be good.” the other girl replying, “i don’t need to fuck right now, i need to MAKE LOVE. i haven’t had that in awhile. jason just likes to fuck, and i’m sick of it.” all the while, i’m thinking, “my three-year-old is totally going to start saying fuck. and i have these fucktards to blame.”

  13. Rob Cockerham

    Typing into this little comments box, chatting with the rest of you… I don’t know any of you. You are strangers to me just exactly like Mark and Dan and Anne and the St. Pauli Girl are to Mighty Girl and her friend… yet, I feel this connection with you.

    Why is that? How does that work?

    Oh yeah, I’m drunk!

  14. bandick

    Oh, yeah. This is EXACTLY why I quit drinking.

    And I love that you spelled Anne “with an e”.

    It’s ’cause you’re fancy.

Comments are closed.