Learn to Roll in a Kayak? Check.

Kayak Lesson

Despite appearances here, sporty stuff is not my jam. I read my way through childhood, and distant memories of dodgeball still make me feel a little sore. In my soul, I mean.

Learning to tip

There are a few things that made my Mighty Life List because I’m afraid of them, and rolling a kayak is one of those. Bryan loves to go kayak camping, but the few times we’ve gone, all I can think about is the boat flipping. What if I can’t pull off the rubber skirt thingie and end up trapped? Upside down? Underwater?

I’ll tell you what happens, people. Death — with bona fide dying, and moving toward the light, and all the dead people you know slapping you on the back and offering you smokes.

Suki Waters of WaterTrek Ecotours

This is Suki Waters, the patient and aptly named owner of WaterTreks Ecotours up in Jenner. She and her friend George met us at a little lodge in Guerneville that offered to let us use the pool for the day.

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My goal was to learn how to roll so I could stop obsessing about tipping whenever I’m in a kayak — overcome my fears, spread my wings, today is the first day of the rest of your kayaking, and so forth. Suki told me it was possible I wouldn’t be able to flip in one lesson, but we’d give it a go.

As you might imagine, signing a contract with Intel has pushed me to do many things I otherwise could have put off perpetually. This, for example:

Underwater in the kayak

That’s me upside down in a kayak with no escape but my wits. Also the two people on either side of the boat waiting to flip me back over, but shut up. If that photo doesn’t make you anxious, your Xanax dosage is too high.

The first time I went over, I didn’t have a nose plug on, and the water went straight up into my brain. Lesson 1, if you want to flip a kayak, get an effing nose plug. It’s been a few days, and I can still feel water sloshing around when I think about anything complex.

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The idea here is to avoid panicking when you go under so you can set up your paddle, sweep it across the top of the water, and use it to propel you back up. Naturally, every time I flipped over, my first order of business was panic. My brain stuck on Panic’s Greatest Hits — Claustrophobia! Aspirating Water! Drowning! And so much more!

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We practiced for four hours, and I was feeling fairly grim for 3.5 of them. All I wanted to do was get my head out of the water, but if you sit up, your head drops you back down because it weighs about as much as a bowling ball. The human head makes an excellent kayak anchor.

I swept my paddle, swept it, swept it, and then thrashed around underwater, until Suki and George dragged me up. Rinse and repeat, literally.

Bryan and Hank played nearby in the pool while I moved from dread, to terror, to dismay, and eventually became familiar enough with my internal frenzy that it ceased to bother me.

Me and Hank

We were about to call it a day, when suddenly everything came together. I swept my paddle and popped up so easily that I assumed a powerful outside force was at work. A wave, the hand of God, Oprah, something like that.

On our very last try, I did an entire roll. Over on one side, back up on the other. YES! Then I offered to bear Suki children if she would let me out of the boat.

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As we left I was feeling profoundly accomplished, and I still do. That fear used to get in my way, and now it won’t anymore. My horizon just got a little bit wider because I took action on my anxiety. That’s a uniquely pleasant feeling, and one I don’t experience enough.

Bryan caught the whole thing on film and made a little movie of my previous attempts. So tune in tomorrow for the mildly agonizing but ultimately triumphant footage. Thanks to Suki Waters and George Zastrow for all the help and support. And as always, a huge thanks to the team at Intel for sponsoring my lifelist. I couldn’t (or rather, probably wouldn’t) have done it without you guys.

1,000 Lovely Things, No. 3 Broad Summit Invitations

A few months ago at SxSW, I was sitting around a lunch table with Laura, Helen Jane, and Aubrey talking about doing a project together.

All of us like entertaining and planning events, and since “plan a retreat” is on my life list, we settled on a weekend away for a small group of Internet girlfriends. We reserved boon hotel + spa, a tiny place near the cabin, decided to call it the Broad Summit as a joke, and started in on planning.

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I’ve been so inspired by all of Jordan’s amazing invitation ideas, and her philosophy of invitations as little gifts that get people excited about the festivities.

I’ve also always wanted to make an invitation in a wooden box, and because the retreat is in wine country, we wanted the invites to look like mini wine crates. Helen Jane works with a lot of wineries, so she called in a favor from Delgadillo Cellars who makes these custom adorables. Helen Jane pulled together a logo, and they silkscreened it on the lid.

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When you have grand invitation ideas, it’s helpful to have a graphic designer as a partner. Helen Jane and I spent a weekend figuring out the wine labels (which are an enlarged version of the flag logo printed on trimmed Avery labels), and the included “map.”

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We originally thought we’d put champagne glasses in with the wine splits, but settled on silly straws (from Target) because we loved the mental image of everyone sipping straight from the bottles. Because the hotel is in the Russian River Wine Country, the blue straws inspired us to make maps with a tongue-in-cheek legend that hints at our plans for the weekend.

We attached a little bit of bakers’ twine to the top of the map, so you can pull it out to reveal invitation details on a second sheet behind the map.

I’m so happy with the outcome, and I love the idea of friends all over the country celebrating early with mini bottles of bubbly. Cheers!

Food Fight Footage

Margaret Stewart recorded the entire fight, including a mini-interview with me beforehand.

Tarps made matters scary slippery, so after some initial bailing, we all began to move like cream-covered zombies. Because slow and careful food fights make for good fun but sleepy viewing, may I suggest you forward to 4:35 when I finally realized that Margaret had been avoiding the mess by using her technology as a shield. Take that, Stewart.

You know Intel sponsored this, right? Yeah, I thought so.

Mighty Life List: Participate in a Giant Food Fight? Check.

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Rockstar before.

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Rockstar after.

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See how one little food fight makes everything seem so much more fun?

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It was incredible — in an “everything I ever hoped it would” be kind of way.

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It was also undoubtedly the most family-oriented whipped cream fight on record. Update: This is not Hank! This is Brody, my friend Bonita’s son. Hank was there, but he wanted very little to do with the festivities, as he does not like to get food on him. You may recall the ice cream incident.

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(Nate Bolt took this, and it’s my favorite photo of the day.)

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The rest of the photos are over here.

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Someone did manage to lose a wedding ring in the fray (and I can’t believe that only happened to one person). All of us pitched in to search for it without any luck, but the ring was found the next day! I still can’t really believe it. Lori wrote a post about it.

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I’ll upload some video later today, and will soon post a how-to for putting together your own food fight, which you should do. Today.

Thank you so much to everyone who came out to fight. Special thanks to the Mighty Girl readers who gamely faced the unknown with tubs of Cool Whip in tow.

As you can see, Intel is making my site more interesting by sponsoring my Mighty Life List. If it weren’t for this campaign, it would have been years (and years and years) before I got off my bum to plan this. Hooray for deadlines!

Sunrise Over the Aegean? Let’s discuss that.

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The Objective

As many of you know, we went to Greece to watch the sun rise over the Aegean. So when we landed, we started asking locals where to go:

-Do you know a good place to watch the sun rise over the water?
-Sunset?
-No, sunrise.
-You mean watch the sun at night?
-No, watch the sun in the morning.
-I don’t understand.
– Do you know where we should go to see the sun come up over the water?
-No. Here is for the sunset. Everyone come. Sunset is beautiful.
-I know, but we need to see the sunrise too.
-Why? Why you want to do that?

That last question was repeated with such confusion from so many sources, that I began to wonder myself. Why the sunrise, exactly? No reason really. It sounded cool, so I put it on the life list, and then later, I started to take the list very, very seriously. So we asked again.

Sunrise? People laughed. Sunrise? They shook their heads with confusion, even irritation.

The Obstacles

Sunset was the big event.

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In fact, watching people gather in the evenings was one of the loveliest parts of the trip.

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Sunset in Greece was social, celebratory, and… not what I was there to do.

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I know some of you are already thinking, “So watch the sun set already, who cares?” And that is a very sane thought indeed. But I’m just not wired that way. With sanity, I mean.

And so the conundrum deepened. In addition to the cultural mismatch of our task, geography was also against us. The maps we consulted indicated that Santorini, where we spent the bulk of our trip, is actually located in the Sea of Crete.

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Ahem. I haven’t spent a lot of time with maps, perhaps because I have been busy making lists of geographically implausible and culturally insignificant tasks to complete.

After much consideration, we decided to watch the sun rise in Mykonos as a celebration of our last full night together in Greece. We’d stuff our faces with gyros, dance until dawn, and pass around a bottle of terrible Greek champagne as the sun came up.

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Perfect!

Then our ferry to Mykonos was canceled, so our last night there would be our only night there. Also, the only way to watch the sun rise over the water was to drive to the other side of the island. We arrived exhausted, ate dinner, stared at each other blankly. No one felt the least bit like dancing.

The Abject Failure

New plan. We’d wake at 4 a.m. (sigh), and go on a little drive. All of us feigned enthusiasm. “Yeah!” we said. “This will be amazing,” we said. Our eyes watered with stifled yawns.

We rented a car. Aubrey hopped in to drive it to our hotel for the night, and a few minutes later the car started to cough and jerk. The engine finally stopped on a very steep road. People were honking and careening around us. We sat for a moment and whimpered with fatigue. In sandals and a mild stupor, Laura and I got out to push the car into a nearby parking lot.

“Ready?” I asked Laura.
“Yep.”
“OK, Aubs. Let the break out.”

Ladies and gentlemen, that is perhaps the stupidest phrase I have ever uttered.

Aubrey complied, and of course the car barreled backward. Our traction-free sandals skidded over the asphalt as the car shoved us down the hill. “STOP!” Laura and I screamed. “STOP! STAAAHHHHP!” Aubrey complied.

To shorten a rather long and traumatic story, we managed to restart the car, got it off the road, and stared at each other stunned for a few minutes. Then Aubrey and I shook violently while Laura walked to the rental place.

She returned on the back of a moped, and her escort did not believe any of us knew how to drive a stick. We bristled, because it wasn’t true, but also because saying that to an American woman is like telling her you think she’s untalented in bed. After many condescending glances, and an interminable inspection, he agreed the car was broken. Aubrey left with him and came back with a new car. At last! We were almost to our hotel when the gas light clicked on.

Yes, so. We returned to discuss our situation with the rental company owners, whose English skills seemed curiously diminished. They didn’t see the problem. OK. Did they have an alternate car? Or rather an alternate, alternate car? One with fuel? No, they did not. If we wanted gas we would have to get it ourselves. No gas would be more than enough gas for whatever we wanted to do. The island is small!

I looked at Laura and Aubrey. All of us drew our brows together and tried to make our brains work. Perhaps fatigue was affecting our comprehension.

We piled back in, the light popped on again, and we drove in circles searching for the gas station our proprietor had indicated with a vague sweep of her chin. Eventually a police officer asked what we were doing, as our frantic ambling had begun to affect traffic. He informed us that all the gas stations were closed by now. We wept softly, and returned to the rental office.

I requested a refund, and the owner’s English skills dissipated entirely. I dare say she was a bit aggressive toward me. And wouldn’t you know, I was feeling rather aggressive myself. I set my jaw and repeated myself through my teeth. She shrugged and went back to what she was doing when we arrived — sitting with friends in a circle of lawn chairs out front, passing a newspaper back and forth. I stood in the office with lava flowing out my ears.

After a few minutes of this, the American in me got very Ugly indeed. “ANGRY,” I said, in all capital letters. “MONEY,” I said, holding out my hand. This technique proved effective. Apparently she spoke Hulk.

By this time, not only were the gas stations closed, so were all the other rental car companies. There was a lot of silence among our little crew.

Aubrey put her hand on my back.
“What do you want to do?” Laura asked.
“I want to have a glass of wine,” I said. “Several times.”

So we did.

The Aftermath

These are some fakey photos Laura Mayes took. It’s us not watching the sun rise over the Agean.

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They amuse me, and I hope they will lend you some hollow comfort if you’re a fellow perfectionist. Even after everything that happened, I still feel like a celestial hand is going to reach down and write a red F at the top of this post.

But the truth is, when Intel offered to sponsor this trip, I didn’t go to see the sun rise. I just wanted to see Greece.

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My Mighty Life List is full of things I want to do because I think I’ll enjoy them, and on this trip I realized that I can’t tackle it like a to-do list. Things don’t always turn out how you expect, and I have to start seeing my list as set of guidelines. It’s a living document, and it’s there to help me make a richer life for myself — rigidity is exactly the wrong approach. It can make you feel you’ve failed while you’re drinking a glass of wine with girlfriends and watching the sunset in Greece. And feeling like a failure in that situation? It kind of makes you a dick.

The Moral

Especially when I’m traveling, I have a better time if I stop trying to control things. It’s so much more fun to let everything unfold, take the experiences that cross my path and tuck them away. So I’ve decided to put aside the stress over the one thing I didn’t do, and to focus on the things I did do.

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I climbed the stairs to the Acropolis.

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I saw an enormous pelican in Mykonos.

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I tried my first Ouzo with new friends.

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I made the kind of friendships you only make when you travel together.

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I tried Greek yogurt in its natural habitat.

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I danced on a rooftop in Oia.

And I also changed my list.

Have an exceptional time in Greece?

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Check.

This epiphany brought to you courtesy of the team at Intel. They’re sponsoring my Mighty Life List as part of their Sponsors of Tomorrow Campaign. Because of them, I’ve learned a lot in the last few months, and I’m grateful for their support.

Do You Like to Throw Things at People?

Hello. You know how I have “participate in a giant food fight” on my life list? Well, let’s do that on Saturday. Shall we?

If you will be near San Francisco between 3-4 p.m., and you should be, I’m gathering a few people for a Cool Whip fight. You should come, because you are fun. I can feel it! Also? When is this going to happen again, right? I know.

Please send me a note (maggie at mightygirl dotcom) with “rsvp” in the subject header, and I’ll send you details. When you arrive, I will say hello, and throw something at you. I have always wanted to do that.

I’m doing this because Intel is sponsoring my Mighty Life List over the next few months, and this is on it. They’re the reason I got my act together to actually organize it. Thanks for the motivation, Intel.