Non-choking Cracker Jack toys make my soul sad. What the hell, Cracker Jack? You seriously expect me to convince my kid that a half-inch square of paper with cartoon drawings of centipedes is mind-blowing fun? Do you think my kid is stupid, Cracker Jack?
While American kids are clapping and mewling over paper “pencil toppers,” German kids are ripping into the hearty intellectual challenge that is the Kinder Egg. Their candy toys are so formidable they require assembly. Do you hear that, Corporate America? German kids are learning how to build things. Our kids are scratching their heads over your three-point connect-the-dots, and then apparently stuffing them into their windpipes.
I will not allow you to stunt the fun-center of my child’s brain, jerkwads. More kids choking, fewer crap-ass toys!
This is from the prompt on page 49 of No One Cares What You Had for Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog. The first part of my timeline is here.
Age 11: When I babysit, we pretend there are refrigerator elves who will leave toys in the cripser if you put raisins out for them.
Age 12: At the end of the last slow dance, I receive my very first kiss. His lips touch the soft skin just below my right eye; I can feel my pulse there for weeks afterward.
Age 13: A product of Nancy Regan’s most agressive “Just say no” campaign tactics, I puffy paint “PARTY SOBER!” among the other exclamations on my plastic Sports-A-Rama visor. The upperclassmen follow me around laughing and pointing.
Age 14: One of the girls decides that the cheerleading socks with the school’s initials on them make her legs look fat and refuses to wear them. The squad is soon locked in heated battle — initial socks vs. scrunchy socks — with no one willing to wear socks that don’t match the other girls’.
Age 15: In an effort to be more likeable, I decide never to get mad at anyone or say anything negative about anyone ever again. It is the most stressful, frustrating few months of my life.
I’m talking about diapers in this post. If you don’t care, you should totally check out this awesome article on the erotic appeal of the Land’s End Catalog.
All right, now a while ago I mentioned that we were switching out to G-Diapers and I’d tell you how it went. The verdict is, I still love them. I eased into using them overnight and for travel, and it’s working out. More stuff I learned:
–Pay attention to the clock.You have to be on top of the diaper changes (about every two hours) because when the diapers get full, they’re actually damp against the baby’s skin. Upside is, this should help with toilet training. Downside is, if you’re not careful, you could have a diaper rash on your hands. Or rather, on the baby’s butt.
–Fine for travel.They’re awesome out in the world because you can flush the poopies instead of carrying them around with you in a gross little plastic bag (so you don’t rudely stink up the public restroom). This is my favorite thing about them. However, they can be a bit bulkier in the diaper bag if you want to carry an extra cover and liner in addition to the absorbent pads.
–No plumbing issues so far.We have old plumbing, and it doesn’t seem to be a problem. I’m really careful about making sure the diaper is completely stirred around and broken up before I flush.
–They’re super cute.They come in great colors, are easy to use, and are way less bulky than cloth or even some disposables. In warmer months, I’ll let him wear the diaper in lieu of shorts without ruining his cute little outfit.
–They do cost more. Like many things that are better for the environment, they’re more expensive. Disposables are about 19 cents each, G-diaper liners are about 36 cents apiece, and that’s not counting the initial investment of about $68 for the cloth covers. This may be a deal breaker for many.
–Poopy diapers, even bad ones aren’t really a hassle. I’ve only once had a poopy diaper that made it past the liner and onto the cloth. This is probably because I run my finger around the leg bands every time I change him, but you have to do that with disposables too. You can also just rinse the plastic liners, and they dry within minutes.
In conclusion, thumbs up! Way to go G-Diapers.
Holy crap, you guys like to shop. Etsy doesn’t let you see the stuff that’s already been sold, so I thought I’d post some photos of the goods gone by. Some of this stuff is still available, however. Today’s new items are the Bisque dolls from Japan and the toy car ornaments.
Also, there’s an excellent Stocking Stuffer Guide up at Mighty Junior. Go have a look.
Vintage 1950’s CASHMERE EMBROIDERED sweater Never Worn
-The ultimate maternity coat:
ViNTAGE 50s NEIMAN MARCUS RED SILK PARTY COAT
-Love the hood:
Vintage 60s 70s SAKS FIFTH AVE Camel Hooded Long Coat, size 4
-I have one of these, and I adore it:
ANTIQUE EGG CHARM WITH HAND CARVED BIRD INSIDE
VINTAGE SILVER & BLUE ENAMEL ROOSTER CUFFLINKS
-Chin straps are surprisingly useful:
Vintage 1940’s Baby Knitted Fitted Hat