Scenario: The best parts of a conversation overheard in Starbucks. An older Indian consultant reviews his findings with a younger man who is a manager. The older man talks very loudly, and the younger man nods.

“You need to spend more time with your employees. You have to go to this wheel spinning class everyone is attending, know what the buzz is about. Pay more attention. Otherwise, you will get sunk! You will look a fool.”

“This guy, he is a very mature guy. You say, “these are the parameters, this is when I need this,” and it is done. He is measured; he thinks things through. There is one obstacle to our success. It is called haste. And haste, as we all know, is waste.”

Scenario: Gina has locked herself in the bathroom at the Stone Crow on West 4th.

Girlfriend: Gina! Get out here!…GINA!… I am seriously going to kick your ass if you don’t open this door… You’re freaking me out…GEEEEENNNNAAA!

Female Bar Owner: How long has she been in there?

Girlfriend: About twenty minutes?

FBO: She had too much to drink?

Girlfriend: Oh yeah.

FBO: Gina, honey. You’ve gotta unlock the door.

Girlfriend: GINA! Let. Us. In.

FBO: If you don’t unlock the door, I’m gonna have to call the police, and then they’ll have to break the door in…

Girlfriend: GINA! OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!

(The male bartender notices what’s up and comes over to the door.)

Bartender: Her name is Gina?

Girlfriend: Yeah.

Bartender: (Adopts an incredibly soothing tone.) Gina, honey, I know you don’t feel good. If you can just reach up and unlock the door, I can come in and take care of you… Just reach up and unlock the door, and I’ll take care of everything…

Gina: Click!

Bartender: There you go.

Guy 1: People don’t like to admit it.

Guy 2: Human experimentation works.

Scenario: A well-dressed girl in the parking garage waits for the valet as she talks on her cell phone. She is in distress.

So he’s like, “It’s my opinion. Do you want me to change my opinion?” And I’m like, “No. That’s your opinion. Keep it. Fine.” So he’s all, “It’s nothing personal.” And I’m like, “It’s law school, of course it’s personal.” You know. Like, are you not getting the logic here?…

Exactly. I mean, when he was looking for a job, I was so supportive, you know?…

Exactly….

Kyle, you don’t even know. I’m like, are you fucking kidding me right now?…

Dude! It’s just, it’s just… I don’t even know.

Scenario: Things get increasingly stressful around the office.

I will never, ever do this again.

Yes you will. Give it four years.

No. Nope.

It’s like being a serial killer. You know it’s bad, but you keep doing it anyway.

After work, we head out for dinner. Conversation turns to the convention.

Pal 1: Who do you want for VP?

Pal 2: My money’s on Edwards.

Pal 3: Yeah. But you know what bugs me about Edwards? He bends at the wrist when he’s making a fist.

P1: What?

P3: You know, when he makes a fist to make a point? His wrist bends back. It looks weird. Like he’s trying to make this strong point, and his wrists are all bent. Little thing, I know.

P1: But this is how people think.

P2: I would want him to lead our country, but…

P1: …he does that freaky thing with his wrists.

Scenario: The Starbucks near Bryan’s office features Overzealous Counter Guy.

OCG: How’s your weekend? Not long enough, huh?

Woman: No, I guess not.

OCG: Yeah, me too. What can I get ya?

W: Do you have any lowfat muffins?

OCG: Aw. We’re out… Why not an apple fritter?

(Woman shakes her head.)

OCG: Awww, come on.

(Woman shakes her head.)

OCG: You sure? You can do it!

W: No. I’m afraid I can’t.

I push past the crowd in the kitchen to get some ice for my drink. He’s standing next to the refrigerator, and I hear him say:

My cat watches me pee…

Then I return to the living room.

Scenario: A pushy man gets on the bus with a cart too big for the aisle. He stands just next to the bus driver. The driver tells him to move, so he shuffles back about a foot and stands with his cart in front of an older woman. She expresses concern; he ignores her; she reiterates. All the dialogue below is hers:

You can’t stand here.

(Pause)

You’re in people’s way.

(Pause)

I said you’re in people’s way!

(The bus driver tells the man to find a place to sit down. The man shuffles back a bit more.)

(Victorious now.) You hear him? That’s it.

Keep movin’.

You’re doin’ fine.

Keeeeep movin’.