M: Did you read that article on Wikipedia?
J: I did!
M: It was totally fascinating. Like, how there are different types of people who work on the site? Gnomes who just go around correcting small errors and people who just revert other people’s changes? I feel like I could get lost in that whole thing if I ever had a few extra hours on my hands. I’d never come back up.
J: Just go around correcting all the errors and then watching people revert your corrections.
B: And you know exactly who it is who keeps messing with your work.
M: You’re hitting refresh every few seconds because that one asshole keeps inserting the hyphens you removed.
B: And then ultimately you realize you’ve just misunderstood one another, and actually you’re perfect for each other and you fall in love. Like a real, live version of You’ve Got Mail
M: It never works like that in real life when it comes to grammar. It would end up being like a real, live version of The Professional where you hire someone to take him out.
B: This time it’s personal.
M: Hyphen? Hyphen?! This ends in L-Y, motherfucker!
Category: My Life
The Hits Just Keep on Coming
I have a bowl of ice cream, but find myself still hungry. I go into the kitchen to see what else I feel like. I’m searching through the fridge, looking for something tasty. Hmmm. Ooooo! Pickles!
I am halfway through the jar of pickles before I realize what I’m doing. Ice cream and pickles? Seriously? Do I count as a walking cliche if I don’t actually use the ice cream as a dip for the pickles?
I guess what I’m trying to say is, we’re having a baby. A little, tiny baby, which will be far cuter and will smell even better than all other babies available on the market today.
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but lately? Things have been going just great.
And the Jell-O Wrestling
All the ladies are in town for Blogher, and I’ve decided to keep them on air mattresses in my living room forever. Though all the pillow fighting in our underwear is getting exhausting.
Observant
We’ve lived in this apartment for four years. The walls are thin and we can often hear our upstairs neighbor. I’ve often noticed a sound that I took to be the vibration of her cell phone.
Today I realized that I was mistaken. From our apartment, you can hear foghorns of the ships looking for port.
Directions
Stinson Beach Books is the “only bookstore located directly on the San Andreas Fault halfway between Dog Town and Jimmy’s Gulch.”
Target Market
Lately, I’ve been loving the spam with crazy subject headers that seem to be generated at random. A few of my favorites:
-Grainy aggressively
-Old-man fern
-Vulnerability hot chocolate
Margaret Mason, Authoress
Hey everybody, I just wrote a book! It’s called:
No One Cares What You Had For Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog
Are you astounded, my friends? I am totally a book writer. When people ask what I do, I can be all, “Oh, me? I’m a writer,” and then take a sip of my sophisticated cocktail. Then I can squeal and jump up and down, and maybe do a little touchdown-type dance of some sort.
Anyway, as you may have discerned from the title, my book is a writing prompt book for bloggers. It contains 100 ideas that will help you post. Ideas that will make you feel like feeding the Web with your sugary wit until it grows ponderous and bloated.
If you don’t have a blog, I respectfully request that you start one immediately. If you decide against that course of action, consider purchasing thirty or forty copies of the book for your friends who do blog. They will totally love it.
No One Cares What You Had For Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog is out in August, but you can pre-order your copies here and I will sign them for you. I will sign them “EEEeeee! Love, Maggie”
This Just in
CNN reports that “Magic Mushrooms Produce Mystical Experiences.” In other news, “Tom Cruise, Kinda Nutty Lately,” and “BrakeBreak Room Always Out of Diet Coke.”
My Precious, Precious Hands
Me: My hands are better when I have warm tea to hold. Maybe we should carry pocket hand warmers with us when we travel to cold places. Like Florida.
Bryan: I married an orchid.
Scary, Part II
A brief conversation with my new nieces, one of whom seems to be a better judge of character than I am.
Lauren (age 7): We didn’t like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Me: Why?
Sophia: It was scary.
Me: How was it scary?
Sophia: I don’t know, it had real people.
Me: That makes it scary?
Lauren: Well, it had real people, and that’s scarier than cartoons, but it’s also like, when they were talking? They sounded mean, but the words they were saying were nice. So that was too scary.
Mighty Girl 