A Sence of Community

M: Did you read that article on Wikipedia?
J: I did!
M: It was totally fascinating. Like, how there are different types of people who work on the site? Gnomes who just go around correcting small errors and people who just revert other people’s changes? I feel like I could get lost in that whole thing if I ever had a few extra hours on my hands. I’d never come back up.
J: Just go around correcting all the errors and then watching people revert your corrections.
B: And you know exactly who it is who keeps messing with your work.
M: You’re hitting refresh every few seconds because that one asshole keeps inserting the hyphens you removed.
B: And then ultimately you realize you’ve just misunderstood one another, and actually you’re perfect for each other and you fall in love. Like a real, live version of You’ve Got Mail
M: It never works like that in real life when it comes to grammar. It would end up being like a real, live version of The Professional where you hire someone to take him out.
B: This time it’s personal.
M: Hyphen? Hyphen?! This ends in L-Y, motherfucker!

Blogher

Blogher knocked me flat. I have been asleep for thirty of the last forty-eight hours. If I’d been allowed to drink, I probably would have slipped into a coma.

This year’s Blogher was a lot like SxSW, but with better shoes and a shameful dearth of free booze. Also, an inhumanly long line for the bathroom between sessions. This is how I discovered that the public men’s rooms were blissfully empty, with stall after stall of sparkly clean toilets.

The overabundance of hip moms made me feel smug. There wasn’t a pair of sweatpants or an unpedicured toe for miles. And if you find yourself “calling Ralph on the big white phone” in the bathroom of a greasy spoon, no one will make you feel more dignified than five other women who’ve been through the morning sickness routine.

My panel went better than I ever could have expected, thanks to an amazing group of speakers who really knew their stuff. Again, many thanks to Marnie MacLean, Gayla Trail, Andrea Scher, and Pim Techamuanvivit. I’ll post a podcast as soon as it’s up.

The Hits Just Keep on Coming

I have a bowl of ice cream, but find myself still hungry. I go into the kitchen to see what else I feel like. I’m searching through the fridge, looking for something tasty. Hmmm. Ooooo! Pickles!

I am halfway through the jar of pickles before I realize what I’m doing. Ice cream and pickles? Seriously? Do I count as a walking cliche if I don’t actually use the ice cream as a dip for the pickles?

I guess what I’m trying to say is, we’re having a baby. A little, tiny baby, which will be far cuter and will smell even better than all other babies available on the market today.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but lately? Things have been going just great.

And the Jell-O Wrestling

All the ladies are in town for Blogher, and I’ve decided to keep them on air mattresses in my living room forever. Though all the pillow fighting in our underwear is getting exhausting.

Observant

We’ve lived in this apartment for four years. The walls are thin and we can often hear our upstairs neighbor. I’ve often noticed a sound that I took to be the vibration of her cell phone.

Today I realized that I was mistaken. From our apartment, you can hear foghorns of the ships looking for port.

Directions

Stinson Beach Books is the “only bookstore located directly on the San Andreas Fault halfway between Dog Town and Jimmy’s Gulch.”

Woot

No One Cares What You Had for Lunch went to press today! I spent the day with my editor scrubbing the proofs. It should be ready around August 10, so expect your copies shortly after that. Thank you for all the kind words and the support. I can’t wait to read your shiny new posts.

Target Market

Lately, I’ve been loving the spam with crazy subject headers that seem to be generated at random. A few of my favorites:

-Grainy aggressively
-Old-man fern
-Vulnerability hot chocolate

Letdown

Enjoyable simile from a recent New Yorker:

“For lesser artists, this harmonically confident album would be a coup. But in the case of the Dixie Chicks it’s disappointing, like watching Muhammad Ali hurt a man’s feelings.”

Margaret Mason, Authoress

Hey everybody, I just wrote a book! It’s called:

No One Cares What You Had For Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog

Are you astounded, my friends? I am totally a book writer. When people ask what I do, I can be all, “Oh, me? I’m a writer,” and then take a sip of my sophisticated cocktail. Then I can squeal and jump up and down, and maybe do a little touchdown-type dance of some sort.

Anyway, as you may have discerned from the title, my book is a writing prompt book for bloggers. It contains 100 ideas that will help you post. Ideas that will make you feel like feeding the Web with your sugary wit until it grows ponderous and bloated.

If you don’t have a blog, I respectfully request that you start one immediately. If you decide against that course of action, consider purchasing thirty or forty copies of the book for your friends who do blog. They will totally love it.

No One Cares What You Had For Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog is out in August, but you can pre-order your copies here and I will sign them for you. I will sign them “EEEeeee! Love, Maggie”