Mighty Life List
Nov 30 2006

Human Tigger

Ninja for hire! All the kids should be trying this at home.

Nov 30 2006

Confucious Say

Bryan and I stop for Mongolian Barbecue in Auburn. My fortune cookie reads, “Genius is more work than genius.”

Nov 30 2006

Next Up? Sitting Very Still

Our Thanksgiving road trip photos are up.

Nov 29 2006

My Lovely Lady Lumps

Today I ordered an S-Factor DVD, as pregnant stripping is wildly hilarious.

Nov 29 2006

Spam Headers, Continued

hot potato corroborate
swagger shoplifiting
frothy heavely

Nov 29 2006

Grocery Holy Grail

We went grocery shopping at 6 a.m. on a weekday, and it blew my mind, people.

Rather than deciding between the meagre remaining cartons of lemon and vanilla yogurt, we found Stonyfield Farm Organic Lowfat Raspberry yogurt. I didn’t even know this existed. I wanted to pour it in aisle and roll around in it.

Don’t even ask what happened when we got to the Ben and Jerry’s.

Nov 28 2006

Coming Home

Thus far, I’ve spent 32 waking hours in a car in the last seven days. Apologies for the lack of posts, I thought the place where we were staying had Internet access, but I was not correct. I am an utter failure at the NaBloPoMo experiment.

Yesterday, we stopped for a van that had slid off the road into a ditch in Nevada. There were three adults and a two-year-old girl in the van. None of them spoke English, and none of them had warm clothes. I stumbled along in halting Spanish, and figured out that two of the adults (the ones with the baby) were deaf and possibly mute. I briefly wondered how we managed to end up in a David Lynch movie.

We took those two and the kid to a dubious bar/grocery called Water Hole #1, and explained the situation to a weathered, unhappy bartender. “What am I supposed to do with them?” he asked. We told him we’d return to tell the other guy where they were, and he’d pick them up.

We bought them some food and drinks, and wrote down what was happening in Spanish so they’d know. As we left, one of the drunk patrons was ambling toward the counter with a variety box of travel-sized cereals for the little girl.

Right now we’re in a hotel in Reno, preparing for the rest of the drive home. First, we’ll need to get chains. And about 16 magazines. And at least three tubes of chapstick.

Tomorrow I’ll return to our regularly scheduled programming. I’m in karmic debt for six posts. Fortunately, I’ve got some time on my hands.