mighty baby from sarahbrown on Vimeo.
Thanks, Sarah Brown!
Happy Valentine’s Day
Me: I want to take a bath. Will you bring me popcorn, princess style?
Him: Hmm. Only if you dance sexy for me.
So I danced sexy, and he brought me popcorn.
The end.
Date Night
It’s 7 p.m. on a Monday in the Mission. The man walking in front of us is drunk, very drunk, and angry. He spins around to engage with us, and Bryan turns me by the elbow toward a display window. We pretend to discuss eyewear trends long enough to confuse the man, and he continues on.
We’re a quarter block behind him when he begins to weave and stumble dangerously. He is crossing the street, tilting forward, forward, until suddenly he is horizontal.
He falls so fast, so hard, there isn’t even time to gasp. I can still hear his teeth smack the asphalt.
All the Ladies
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My camera, she is broken. Broken since before we left Argentina, in fact. Not fixing it turned out to be stupid, as I lost many photos from this lovely weekend with the girls. Most regrettably, all the naked ones.
Portland with Melissa
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Melissa and I went thrifting together in Portland before the rest of our girlfriends hit San Francisco. We stayed at the Ace, which was perfect in every way. In addition to touching the elevator button with my nose, I also licked everything on the premises. It tasted like fixies and vegan donuts.
Sleep Hugger
-You should know, I’m a sleep farter.
-Noooooo!
-Yeah, it’s true.
-I like to scream in my sleep. Scream and scream.
-I’m a sleep stabber.
-…I’m a sleep Republican.
Superfly
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Fathers, lock up your sons.
Clogs-N-More
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Me: More?
Melissa: What else is there?
Me: In my day, clogs were enough. We knew who we were.
Melissa: You walk in, and it’s something random. Like puppies.
Me: And lightbulbs. Clogs, puppies and lightbulbs. It’s not intuitive, but it really works out.
Melissa: People love it!
Me: I’m telling you, we cannot keep the puppies in stock.
Except for That One Time in Tijuana
Our arms are full of bags, there are plastic bags hanging from our elbows, our wrists, our fingertips. We climb aboard the elevator, watch the doors close, and pause uncomfortably for a moment. I look at the buttons, at Melissa, back at the buttons. Then I lean forward and press our floor button with my nose.
I straighten back up.
“That may be the most unsanitary thing I’ve ever done.”
Heading Over the Pass
Me: Shit. It’s dark.
Melissa: I know! And the banks are super high. Do they just have enormous plows?
Me: Yeah.
Melissa: And it’s totally deserted. This is so strange.
Me: I’m cool. I’ll just consume your flesh while I wait for rescue.
Melissa: Yeah, which part should you start with?
Me: Which limb do you use least?
Melissa: Help arrives like minutes later, and you’re hunched over my body.
Me: I’m like, “Whaa?”
Melissa: OK. So it’s true we just had dinner, but I was nervous!
Me: I felt anxious!
Melissa: Don’t judge me!
Mighty Girl 