Order now, panic wrap the night before.

A Handmade Valentine
Gather your scissors, glue, and heart-shaped whatsits! The key here is not to produce something artistic, just something that looks like it took you more than ten minutes. Go classic with Doilies, blank cards, heart-shaped cards. Or buy one of these Rocket-Ship Valentine Kits. Your love is out of this world, Valentine!

14K Gold Bar Earrings, $62
The best kind of jewelry is the kind you never need to take off. So you’ll be seeing a lot of these as the evening wears on.

Fujifilm Instax Share Smartphone Printer, $147

This lets you print polaroids from digital photos stored on your phone or computer. She already wants one.

Ultra Flannel Throw Blanket, $20

You know that G-string you bought her? That isn’t technically for her. Plus, now she’s cold. Ultra soft cuddling blankets make it possible to wear less clothing. Everyone’s a winner.

Love Coupons, $12

If she doesn’t care about presents, but loves it when you do things for her, draw up some coupons for gassing up her car, having her shoes shined, grabbing sanitary products at the drugstore without complaint. Romantic stuff.

A Heart Shaped Box of Chocolate, $45

Sweet both literally and figuratively. Pair these with the cozy blanket and your weekend plans are in place. Happy Valentine’s Day, you crazy kids.

P.S. Classic Gifts for Women, my Mighty Girl Valentine Guide from 2015 (ignore the beard oil), and Mighty Girl Valentine Guide from 2014.

Robots made from wood scrap by Daniel Moyer Design. (via Creative Mornings)

Currently enjoying the work of Yes Stitch Yes (via Design Crush). Pieces run from $12 to about $35, which is a proper bargain friends.

If you bought an Advent Grab Bag this year, thank you so much!

As you know, our plan was to donate 20 percent of the profit in hopes of providing two one-year scholarships for nurses training with IntraHealth International.

Thanks to you, we hit our goal and then some! In fact, we’re 20 percent over our goal, and we’re sending our donation to IntraHealth today. YEEEAAAH.

Thank you also for the notes, and Instagrams, and Facebooks about how much your love your kits. It makes us all smiley.

If you’d like to be notified via email when kits go on sale next year, you can sign up here. We won’t send you other stuff, just this:

#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }
/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.
We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */

//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=’EMAIL’;ftypes[0]=’email’;fnames[1]=’FNAME’;ftypes[1]=’text’;fnames[2]=’LNAME’;ftypes[2]=’text’;}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);

The upside to buying gifts for women is that many of us hesitate before buying items we want, especially if we feel they are extravagant. We’re getting better at that, but in the meantime you can take advantage of our reserve.

Pride and Prejudice Penguin Drop Cap Classic, $15

All right. You have to know what you’re doing, we’re building a library here. Maybe she’s an Austen fan, but maybe she’s all about The Joy Luck Club, or Madame Bovary (lucky you). The point being, you’ll want to know what she reads before you commit her to the perfect hardcover copy. And if books are what she loves, unconditionally, the entire set of Penguin Drop Cap Classics is a modest $488. The Precious.

Creme de Corps body lotion, $18

Skip Bath & BodyWorks. If you want to get her something that makes her feel lovely, Kiehl’s is a solid choice. Unless she has a specific request, avoid products that prevent aging. That is not a gift, my friend, that is an insecurity egg waiting to hatch. Focus on simple products that make her skin soft, like their Kiehls Hydration Essentials kit, $29.

 

 

Cashmere Sweater, $188

Speaking of soft. What’s kinder than her favorite sweatshirt? This. This is a major sweatshirt upgrade. And if she already has the sweater, consider upgrading her sweatpants instead — cashmere sweatpants, $210. Glorious.

 

 

 

NV Veuve Clicquot Yellow Label, $65

This is a happy bottle of champagne. If you’d prefer an ecstatic bottle of champagne, go 2006 Dom Perignon Champagne, $195.

 

 

Mr. Bubble Original Bubble Bath, $10
Nostalgia play. Up your game with a Monogrammed Terry Cloth Robe, $95 (on sale).

Circle Studs, $74 These are a key update on the gold hoop, a pair of earrings she’ll never need to remove.

 

Tung Ting Mi Xiang Tea, $25

If the lady in question is a tea drinker, like me, Red Blossom offers very high quality teas. My favorite is the Tung Ting, Mi Xiang. Alternately, it’s pretty to watch the Organic Dragon Pearl Jasmine ($13) unfurl in hot water.

 

Vintage Short-Sleeve Pajama, $85

For whatever reason, it can seem silly to splurge on cute pajamas for yourself. Still, every woman needs a pair she can wear when she’s spending Christmas with your parents, or eating waffles at the vacation place you’re sharing with nine other couples.

 

 

Key Lime Pears, $23
Chocolate is a cliché for a reason. These are crispy, freeze-dried pears coated in dark chocolate and scented with lime. If you’re trying to marry her, consider the aptly named Faves Gift Box, $125.

 

Cowgirl Creamery Mt. Tam Triple Cream Brie Package, $40
Cheese is the gift that says, “Your ass continues to look amazing in those jeans.” This particular cheese is unctuous and coy. It will get you laid. And if you’d like to keep a good thing going, you can sign her up for a cheese club ($225-$695), or just opt for a more ample gift pack.

 

Last year I did 17 One-Click Stocking Stuffers for Kids, because I order most of Hank’s stocking stuff through Amazon. I’m done in 15 minutes, and most of it comes within a few days. Last year’s picks are still good, and here are a few more. They’re affiliate linked, but all stuff I’ve bought for my own kids at one time or another.

Lego Star Wars Minis, $6-$10
I’m not sure how many of the Star Wars Mini Lego Kits I bought, but I think all? Every last one? Something like that. My favorite is the AT-AT above, but I also dig the ARC-170 Starfighter, Vulture Droid, Homing Spider Droid, and the Republic Gunship. I could go on.

Schylling Gone Fish’n Game, $7

Flash Drive Creative Cassette Shape (White / 1-Pack), $12
I’ve never made Hank a mixtape before, which seems silly. I just made him one for our Christmas road trip, and I’m excited about it.

ALEX Toys Artist Studio 24-Piece Rainbow Modeling Clay Set, $8

Mad Libs on the Road, $3

Minecraft Collectible Figure Mystery Blind Box, $7

Fresh Baked Mini Gingerbread Men, 50 cents each
This guy makes delicious homemade gingerbread men and then ships them to you in plastic wrap bundles that look suspiciously like drugs. Super good cookies, but I’d unwrap them before you tuck them in the stocking.

Go Anywhere Light, $6
These are cool on hoodie and backpack zippers, and make your kid easier to see at night. Presumably when he or she is out burgling things.

Hand Held Scalp Head Massager – Pack of Two, $1 each

Secret Message Pens Writing Set, $9

“I Love My Bike” Bicycle Bell, $4

Pippi Longstocking (Puffin Chalk), $8
I can’t believe I’ve never read this, so I ordered it and this edition is so cute. Perfect little floppy stocking book, or should I say Longstocking book? Bahaha.

Plus a couple of things for babies, because I’m shopping for one of those now too:

Wooden Cage Hand Bell, $5

Polar Bear Shaker, $9

I sprained both my ankles, so I’ve been avoiding the Internet due to Vicodin. But I have been doing a lot of online shopping, guys. If you need stuff, I have seen allll of it in the last week, so let’s talk about that.

First, I use ornaments to commemorate fun stuff that happened the previous year. Some cute ones:

Balloon Dog Ornament, $6

Pizza Ornament, $5

Ray Gun Ornament, $25

Owl with Glasses Ornament, $5

Giraffe Gentleman Ornament, $8

See also, Taco Truck $6, burrito christmas ornament $6, pink elephant christmas ornament $5, and tiny piñata ornament $5. Go forth and deck the halls.