Scenario: Young woman in her twenties is talking on her cell phone at the back of the bus. She is well dressed; she is alone.

Just call up, double your hours

You aint even got to fill something out, they should have you on file

Just go in and talk to Jorge

Yeah, do it. It’s easy

It’s easy

I gotta go to work, then I gotta go the DMV

I can’t

‘Cause I didn’t go in yesterday. I wasted yesterday with your sorry ass

I got an appointment at 2:50. Ain’t no telling what time I get outta there

Noooo.

‘Cause you ain’ gonna go

You ain’t

I know you say you will, but you ain’t

You just running down my battery

Cause I know you ain’ gonna go, so you wastin your breath

You need someone to hold your hand.

You like a little boy

Why you always asking me who I’m with? Why I gotta be with somebody?

No, I’m not

No. I’m not

OK, whatever

Whatever

Whatever

OK, if you feel the need to talk to me, then you can call

Bye, bitch.

I seen you on this bus before. What’s your name?

Alicia.

What sign are you, Alicia?

I’m a Capricorn. I don’t know much about it, but Capricorn is supposed to be compatible with Aries. My fiance’s a Aries.

Oh yeah?

Oh yeah. I don’t get along with no Virgos. I don’t like them Virgos at all.

Really.

Yeah, my ex-husband’s a Virgo, and he cheated on me.

My ex-wife’s a Virgo, and she cheated on me too!

Really?

Sure ‘nough.

Ha! Can’t trust them Virgos. My fiance’s a Aries. He keeps his hands to himself.

Characters: Two homeless men on the bus.

Guy one: (angrily) SIT down!

Guy two: Why?

Guy one: We’re not getting off until Church!

Guy two : (Silent)

Guy one: I’m close to God.

Guy two: That’s good.

“Yeah, Jason Priestly was good in that.”

IF YOU LIVE IN THE STATES

You’re allowed to vote today. If you live in Minnesota, it’s especially important.

What are you talking about?

No, no, I was totally involved. Totally.

And she knows Voodoo.

Scenario: Two recent high school graduates run into each other on the bus.

Characters: One tall guy with dirty hair, one short stout guy with a buzz cut.

Hey man!

Heeeeeey!

How you doin’?

Good, man.

I haven’t seen you since like, since like graduation.

Yeah.

What are you doin’ now?

You know, same ol’.

Yeah, but what are you up to?

Same ol’.

But what is same ol’?

Produce.

Yeah?

Yeah.

That’s cool.

‘Member the cafeteria?

Yeah man.

When I was working at the cafeteria, I used to hella hustle.

That was hella tight.

Yeah. Now that I’m a grown up, I don’t steal no more.

‘Member the Arizonas?

Yeah! I used to be like, one in both my pockets, one up my arm. I’d be like, want one? Two bucks!

You made hella cash.

That was hella tight.

Yeah.

Remember the mango ones?

Yeah! Those were good.

Yeah.

Frosh and sophomore years were cool. Then junior and senior year sucked.

Hella sucked.

I like the real world though.

Not me. I like high school because of all the girls. I was in ROTC. ‘Member Ingrid?

Yeah. But I like the real world better.

(tension mounting) Yeah. I like high school.

Yeah.

‘Member Anthony?

Ten years from now, I’m all, “Hey Anthony!” Here’s Anthony, “Who are you?”

(laughing) Yeah.

Do you ever talk to Anthony?

(coldly) I got no reason to talk to Anthony.

Yeah. He was talkin’ shit about you.

Fuck that.

Yeah. Fuck that too.

‘Member when I went in his house and took his wrestling thing?

(laughing) He was hella pissed.

Took his dog too. Starving ass dog.

That was his mom’s dog, right?

He was like, “What were you doing in my house?” And I’m like, “What? I practically live here! I’m practically your cousin!”

He was like all, “I’m gonna sue!”

(laughing) Yeah.

I had a friend who was a security guard and he got all hassled by his boss. He shoulda sued.

Like, sexual harassment?

No, just like he was a dick you know? So he quit.

Don’t quit! Sue.

This is America, man. It’s like capital of lawsuits.

Yeah like, touch my leg.

(Touches friend’s leg)

Now I could hella sue you for that. I would sue and get like $100. But I’d have to pay my lawyers too.

Yeah.

It’s not worth it, I guess.

Yeah.