life as a grown up – Page 14

Just got back from vitamin shopping. The One-a-Day Calcium Supplement recommended “serving” is two-a-day. Better yet, the side of the bottle said, “Two One-a-Day Calcium supplements offer 1,000 mg of Osteoporosis-fighting calcium. For pregnant women three One-a-Day Calcium supplements offer 1,500 mg of Osteoporosis-fighting calcium.” Because, as you know, pregnancy does render one incapable of doing simple arithmetic.

8 p.m.

Philosophical note to self (and you too, since you’re here):

People who are good to know are also sometimes hard to know. If you want sparky friends in your life, you have to accept all of their eccentricities–not just the cute ones. The things you have to work for are usually better anyway.

7:28 p.m.

EMAIL MOMENT!

To: Me

From: A friend at work.

Scenario: He asked me to introduce someone at our awards ceremony.

Excerpt:

Hi Bryan,

Normally, I’d do anything for you, but Nov. 1 is our deadline day. That means I’ll probably be at work until the wee hours of the morning and won’t be capable of waking up on Thursday. Additionally, speaking in front of large groups of people makes me want to huck.

-Maggie

M,

ok

congrats on your promotion!

And you’re dead to me.

bryan

3:35 p.m.

I turn 25 tomorrow. I send out thank you notes in a timely fashion, water my plants frequently enough to keep them alive, and have a 401K. At what point does one stop feeling self-conscious when walking by a high school football team?

9:50 a.m.

Just realized something. I really don’t like people coming into my cube unless a) They’re my very good friend or b) I’m in the ongoing process of hitting on them. However, people who aren’t in either of those categories always wander in to stand in back of me while I type. They ask, “Whatcha upto? Hey, Maggie, whatcha upto?” Of course, they already know what I’m up to because… they’re reading my screen. They also like to move stuff around and say, “Hey look! Your Pez dispensers are having sex!” Then I have to put on my that’s-really-funny! face so they’ll leave.

11:43 a.m.

We’re on press deadline and our Web production editor just sent this out.

Subject: What I tell people I do.

“I’m but a serf in the corporate feudal system. I toil in a cube farm, tending
to several Web sites. But my life is not without joy. During the day my fellow
cube dwellers may take a break from the glaring fluorescent lights over us and
the CRTs in front of us, and someone may pull out a tinwhistle or an MP3 player
and break into a little tune. We may smile a little and, if for a moment, forget
our carpal tunnel aches. Today is an especially busy time, so the lords may add
a handful of hay to our beds or a couple more potatoes to the Indian curry we’ve
ordered online. The weekend allows little reprieve as at the end of the day I
will strap the trusty laptop to my back and continue to wipe the sweat from my
brow tomorrow and the next day. We are but simple folk and hopefully one day I
will have accrued enough in my 401K to free myself from these chains.”

11:20 a.m.