Famous among dozens
Yesterday we got to go home early because of the power shortage. Rolling blackouts are the Californian equivalent of snow days.
2:01 p.m.
The best headlines from this month’s Martha Stewart Living:
- Putting Baking Stones to Use
- Why Scald Milk?
- Arrangement of the Month: Forsythia Fan
11:52 a.m.
EMAIL MOMENT!
Subject: Med school epiphanies and my bony ass.
Excerpt:
“I learned how to calculate my body mass index today. There’s overweight,
obese I, obese II, and obese III. After that, there’s just a picture of
Jabba the Hut.Take your weight in lbs. as the numerator.
Divide by your height in inches, squared (e.g. if you’re 60″, that’s 3600
inches squared). Take this number and multiply it times 703. If its greater than
than 25, it’s time to get your fat ass to Gold’s (me). If it’s less than 18, it’s
time to get your bony ass to Sizzler (you).”3:23 p.m.
From Accidental:
100 Ways to say I LOVE YOU: I’m still waiting for “100 Ways
to say LET’S JUST BE FRIENDS,” or “100 Ways to say IT’S
NOT YOU, IT’S ME.” Or how about “100 Ways to say I
DON’T REALLY LIKE YOU, BUT WE CAN STILL HAVE
SEX.” That’s the clincher, in my book.”10:05 a.m.
From Magnificent Melting Object:
“Rasbliutto means ‘the feeling you feel for someone you once loved’ in Russian.”3:11 p.m.
I did the Geary Street pub crawl for St. Patrick’s Day. My friend and I were standing in a sea of drunken green men, and I mentioned that I wanted to get rid of my gum. An earnest looking young man held his hand out below my mouth. I pulled my eyebrows together, but he just nodded and pushed his palm closer to my chin. So I gave a “your idea, buddy” shrug and spit my gum into his hand. He dropped it and pushed on through the crowd. He dropped it on my shoe.
9:42 a.m.
We just launched Web Techniques Daily (ie: the Web Tech Blog). I’ll be posting there pretty frequently, so if you want to see what I look like in semi-professional mode, head on over.
2:45 p.m.
This has been around for awhile, but have you seen Heavy Metal Parking Lot? This guy took a video camera into the parking lot of a Judas Priest concert in the ’80s and interviewed concert goers. The best part is when a girl tells the camera that she’s 13, the guy standing next to her says he’s 21, then he gives her a deep, tongue-intensive kiss for the camera. I’ve rarely experienced something so simultaneously chilling and hilarious. Well, maybe that “Making of Growing Pains” thing I watched a few days ago, but still.
10:39 a.m.
Astute observation from Strangebrew:
“If I can only give you one piece of advice, it’s this: don’t put a unicorn lover in charge of the decorations.”2:52 p.m.
There are good people and there are bad people: Thief steals man’s $15,000 artificial leg out of car. Also, teachers are citing 6 year olds for sexual harassment now. Ow. Someone make it stop.
9:55 a.m.
EMAIL MOMENT!
From: A guy who reads my blog
Subject: Bloggers say the darndest things
qt_freak:
Damn, I like your site, it’s pretty funny. If only you had more substance to it. A better lay out would be cool too, but yeah, just saying you have a fan.
Me:
Hi, thanks for the note. I clicked around your site a
little bit. Just like you, I’m a big Slurpee fan.
Jesus, we’re like the same person. Well, except that
I’m not big into “dressing up like a ninja and tagging
your mother’s bearded biscuit from the back.” But I’m
funny that way.[Now he’s plugged me, and I’ve plugged him. I’m sitting back and saying a little prayer to the absurdity gods that I get audience overlap with a site that has a “Bitch of the Week” feature. Rad.]
2:14 p.m.
My knee is knee shaped again. When I stand, I no longer feel extraneous fluid rush down my leg. These are good things. For those of you who don’t care, here’s some Etch-a-sketch art. Callous bastards.
9:18 a.m.
“I’m a sensitive guy. Some guys drink beer and write their name in the snow, I drink herbal tea and write haiku poetry in the snow.”
(The Very Strange World of John Saleeby)12:46 p.m.
Mark’s friend had just interviewed Michael Cunningham, author of The Hours. Mark was kind enough to send me the interview, soon to be published in Abercrombie and Fitch Quarterly (Beh?), and it had one line that particularly struck me: “I still find myself walking on a street I walk every day, looking around and
thinking, ‘My god, it’s like this.'”9:20 a.m.
I hesitate to post this so soon after the bumper dumper link, but who am I to let good taste override your entertainment? I hereby present stuff people have crammed up their bums. The site comes complete with x-rays and medical reports. There are the standard bottles and phallic vegetables, and then there’s the guy who made a cement cast of his anus and the person who crammed a kangaroo tumor.
3:13 p.m.
Litotes — understatement in which an affirmative is expressed by the
negative of the contrary (as in “not a bad blog” or “not
unhappy”)9:57 a.m.
The best press release/meeting request I’ve ever received. (I’ve anonymized the name and company so I don’t humiliate anyone publicly):
Margaret,
*BODY TEXT OF MESSAGE HERE*
John Smith
President & Managing Director
3:18 p.m.
The Bumper Dumper is not just a luxury, it’s a necessity. Mighty Girl–bringing you the technology that shapes your world.
2:08 p.m.
Stuart, author of the ever-chewable Sylloge, creator of the 5K Contest, and witness to a murder, sent me a description of his favorite party in reference to my marker-fight post below.
“It was held when I was in grad school. Two friends invited about 30 people,
arranged so that any one guest knew only three or four other people there.
We were told to wear all black clothing. At the door, instructions were
posted: we should take a drink in a plastic cup from the small bar
provided; the apartment had a foyer which served as an “airlock”: we were
to enter the foyer and close the external door before opening the internal
one. It was a “dark party”.Inside, there was absolutely no light. They had rented thick industrial
carpeting which was affixed to the walls to prevent any light from getting
in from outside. The stereo, containing two 120 minute mixed tapes on
autoreverse was similarly covered. A thin rope was provided as a guide for
entry into the bathroom and it really was perfectly black. It made no
difference whether you had your eyes open or closed.Because you never knew if there were people around, except for when you
were constantly bumping into them (everyone was on the floor and had to
crawl) and because most of the people were strangers, there were some
interesting conversations. My hearing became very acute. It was bizarre to
speak to someone when I had absolutely no idea what they looked like. Faces
were felt.After 5 hours or so, the lights were flipped on, which hurt. But wow, it
was strange. And very interesting. Best party ever.”10:39 a.m.
EMAIL MOMENT!
Subject: Dave responds to an inquiry about his health.
Excerpt:
Yes, I feel much better today. I’m not sniffling and sneezing anymore, but I
do have a splitting headache. Also, I saw these strange lights in the sky
last night, my bedroom window is broken, I woke up on the balcony, and my
ass is on fire. Weird.12:26 p.m.
I have messy party ideas. Example 1: Cover the garage in plastic bags, make about 300 pounds of mashed potatoes, pass out some goggles, and stage a massive food fight. Example 2: Make a mud hole in the back yard and pit my friends against each other in teams. Very few parties I’ve been to couldn’t use a little more texture. But I know what you’re thinking, it’s the same thing all my friends say. “You want to have mud wrestling in your backyard? You want a bunch of people to come over and smear food on each other?” Yes. Yes, I do. All of us are adults here. (Adults coated in a creamy layer of mud and mashed potatoes, but I think we know when to say when.) Anyway, my point is that marker fights sound just as cool. A lot less cleanup and no kinky undertones.(Via Strange Brew.)
9:52 a.m.
Mighty Girl 