Up Yours, Valentine’s Day: A Gift Guide

No one is sending you flowers. No one is coming home with a heart-shaped box of chocolate. But screw it. You know where to get flowers, and you’ve been working out anyway. This Valentine’s Day, you’re taking care of your own damn self.

Hand-engraved F*** Off Heart Locket, $30

Finally, a piece of heart-shaped jewelry you can get behind.

Jersey Sweater Night Onesie, $65

For a short while you’ve got no one to impress but yourself. Let’s do this.

Smudge Trio, $12

What the hell. Couldn’t hurt.

“I’m surrounded by assholes.” French Mug, $12

You’re not alone. You’re particular.

I’m Fine T-Shirt, $22

What? The invitation said “wear red.”

Don’t Care Tote, $12

You’ve got your own stuff, man.

Key Bottle Opener, $12

Your key ring, and your soul, are so much lighter without the extra apartment key. Let’s make better use of that space. Cheers, Valentine.

Psst, Secret App

Have you tried Secret yet? It came out a couple weeks ago, and I am a 13-year-old.

The app is like an intimate PostSecret for your phone, an experiment PostSecret tried and then abandoned back in 2012, because they felt they couldn’t create a bully-free environment. Foreshadowing.

Once you load Secret, it searches your iPhone’s contact list for friends, and then marks secrets as coming from “friends” or “friends of friends.” If you don’t have enough contacts in the system, it fills your feed with popular posts from others, which are marked with the user’s home state.

To keep things private(ish), you can’t see secrets from friends until you have at least three other friends in the system, though I wouldn’t share where you hid the bodies anytime soon. Randomized avatar icons help you understand who’s talking when a comment thread goes conversational.

And about that bullying thing, people are sometimes called out by name in negative contexts, which can make it embarrassing to use the app for the real-live grownups in the crowd. But Secret has been interesting overall, and sometimes a nice way to support friends going through tough moments.

Have you tried it, or its more random cousin Whisper? And if not, what do you think about the whole deal?

Van Damme, JT, and Daft Punk Valentine Printables

Designer Brad Ellis of Pacific Helm made some printable Valentines with me. By which I mean Brad did all the work and I said, “Put these funny words on it.” Teamwork! The PDFs are linked below, so you can print your Valentine last-minute when you suddenly realize you’re in love.

Jean Claude Van Damme Valentine PDF

Justin Timberlake Valentine PDF

Daft Punk Valentine PDF

You can see more of Brad’s illustrations right here. Thanks, mister!

Hello, Pretty: Valentine’s Day Lingerie Roundup

He made you dinner and a Valentine. You got him something too.

Commando Tights, $38

Hank Panky Red G-String, $18

Continue reading “Hello, Pretty: Valentine’s Day Lingerie Roundup” →

Make Travel Size Toiletries with a Heat Sealer

Last week, I showed you what I keep in my purse kit, and a bunch of you asked me about how I managed to seal SPF and makeup inside straws for tiny transport.

Most of the secret lies in owning a heat sealer. I own one by accident for a project I did a couple years ago, but the sucker is so damn handy that I do encourage you to get one. (Here’s a mini heat sealer for $25 on Amazon, or you can get a more versatile one for $10 more.) That’s said, if you don’t feel like buying one, you can apparently do the same thing with a lighter. I would obviously burn myself, so I’ll leave that to the pros.

Here’s how I make my own travel-sized toiletries. Continue reading “Make Travel Size Toiletries with a Heat Sealer” →

My Bag Kit, Everyday Essentials

This is my purse kit, and I use it several times a day, especially when I’m traveling. Everything pictured fits in that tiny pencil case on the left, and I move it from bag to bag so I always have a little packet of musts. Here’s what’s in it:

• Tampon, whether I need it or not, because I’m a sister.
• Fugly earphones that have a microphone for calls in the car or Spotify while I’m on a walk.
• Bobby pin
• Safety pin
• Single-serve eye drops, did you even know these existed? Best.
• Tide to Go pen, which is some sort of stain-removing witchcraft, highly recommend.
• Eye liner
• Dental floss, both the circular white container and the wand.
• Pilot G-TEC-C4 pen, which is smaller and has a much finer pen than my beloved Pilot Precise
• Perfume
• Burt’s Bees Lip Balm, so pepperminty and tingly.
• My two favorite shades of Maybelline Super Stay (Keep Up the Flame and Spice), which never ever comes off in a way that will startle you.
• Homemade teeny packets of SPF and concealer, which I have heat sealed in a straw because I am MacGyver. These make me crazy happy.
• Two bandaids and some fashion tape, which I use for fixing blown hems or holes in clothing, secured with a binder clip.
• Hair band
• Packet of asprin
• Tube of Weleda Skin Food, which I’m always pushing on people because it smells so good and makes your hands velvety.
• The pencil case is by Danica Studio.

All of the things, at your fingertips my friend. So good. Am I the only one who does this?

California Sunday

Have you heard about California Sunday Magazine? It looks to be amazing, and they’re hiring writers and editors right now. The print and online magazine is a project by Doug McGray, “Editor” of the Pop-Up Magazine events, and Chas Edwards, a Co-Founder of Federated Media, and Person I Like Very Much. I am excited.

Also, Federated Media — the ad network that made it possible for me to make a living as a blogger — sold yesterday! It’s one of those making-doing-going weeks. Put your back into it, Internet.

Valentine’s Day Gift Guide 2014

You’re in love! This calls for a commemorative mug.

Locket Pin or Tie Tack, $17
Wear it on your sleeve.

A DIY Love Card Deck
Read ’em and weep.

Boom. You Just Got Loved Mug, $19
The mug that says, “I let you sleep in while I made you coffee.”

Continue reading “Valentine’s Day Gift Guide 2014” →

Red Carpet at the 2014 Grammys, Meh Edition

Did you watch the Grammys? Why did no one wear anything insane or do anything ill-advised? Rock stars are not what they used to be.

I posted some of the more intriguing outfits over on my Facebooks. Please join us if you’d like to discuss:

Taylor Swift and whether she’s running for office.
Katy Perry in her musical-themed pageant dress.
Colbie Caillat and whether she is the absolute best or attempting to hide a neck brace.
Ryan Lewis and Macklemore whose grandpa style continues to dominate.
Madonna and child.
Cyndi Lauper and how you kind of want that poncho dress.
Kacey Musgraves in her dress that looks like a Photoshop filter. And her illuminated boots that will be mine. Bring them to me.