Last year, we set out to cut down our own Christmas tree and stumbled on Rancho Siempre Verde, which is like something out of Gilmore Girls. It’s a tree farm with s’more roasting, and wreath-making tables, and a big ball of kids who roll around inside a cloud of dust.
There are half dozen rope and tire swings hanging from the Eucalyptus. I wish this photo were scratch-and-sniff.
Hank’s favorite part is riding around in the tractor cart when it goes to pick up trees.
My favorite part are the wreath tables — $7 for the wreath forms and boughs, but the local ladies bring berries and ornaments and ribbons and small animatronic animals to affix.
When I was making my wreath, the ladies at the next table were discussing who would drive them all home. They were a little smashed on thermos toddies. Who made the toddies? They are strong. Fortunately, one of them was on a cleanse, so they poured another round.
Next year, I’m bringing toddies.
Rancho Siempre Verde
2250 Cabrillo Hwy, Pescadero, CA 94060
(650) 326-9103
This is the birthday card Brad drew for me this year. I’ve been a little quiet around here lately because I’ve been putting all of my energy into sitting very still so I can keep food down.
This is because we are expecting a baby. A tiny one, who does that thing with the giant yawn that’s still only as big as a thumb print. A little one, who keeps its fists by its face in case of trouble.
Gah! Baby!
The baby is coming in late April, and Hank has told everyone in his class several times over. Other kids have begun requesting siblings from their parents in the interest of fairness, which along with my unmarried status, has made us very popular at the elementary school.
When we found out our baby schemes had worked sooner than expected, I started pulling together Instant Wedding. Finding-a-venue-and-a-dress-and-a-cake-and-calling-everyone-and-bopping-to-the-courthouse-and-doing-this-thing! Then I fell asleep. I have been asleep for several weeks now, so we’re delaying the wedding until we’ve had time to have a baby. Also to procure knitted hats and booties, which said baby can pull off and throw on the ground.
This little toy van — along with Donny, Mikey, Leo, and Raph — have maintained most-favored status with Hank for most of a year. He’s actually slept with it a few times. And I get that, because when you push it, the wheels are calibrated to spin out. Grown men have assured me that this is awesome.
Before you have kids, you know one day you’ll have to force them to do things they don’t want to do — homework, bedtime, using soap. But I never thought that dynamic would apply to age-appropriate cartoons.
Last year around Halloween, Hank declared that he wanted to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle “from the store.” As you may recall, I’m emotionally over-invested in Halloween, and we’d been discussing elaborate, homemade C3PO costume for months. So after rending my garments, I made a Target run.
This is Hank in his Donatello costume. He’s six here, and I’d never seen him play fight before, you can hear me coaching him to twirl his staff in the video. At the time, he was afraid of lots of age-appropriate movies and TV, so I was a little relieved by his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles obsession.
But a few weeks before, we’d been watching the show together when I heard a familiar refrain. “Let’s turn it off,” he said. The scene wasn’t violent, or even high-conflict, so I asked why. “It’s too scary,” he said. Beh?
IT’S TOO SCARY
In the episode, one of the characters loses her top-secret “shell phone” (see what they did there?), and it puts her turtle friends in danger. The idea of accidentally doing something that has unpredictable consequences scared the crap out of Hank. I was sympathetic, but my patience was also worn.
After months of requests to leave theaters, turn off Disney movies, switch to another cartoon every time suspense was introduced, my impulse was to say, “This is not a thing. You can’t be afraid of everything that might accidentally happen at all times.”
And while being dismissive of a kid’s feelings is undoubtedly top-notch parenting, at what point do you ask a kid to face fears? For the time being I bit my tongue, switched to a more familiar TMNT cartoon, and did a little research.
WHAT DOES AGE-APPROPRIATE MEAN?
It turns out most TV shows aren’t designed with age guidelines in mind. But here’s some good age info that can help guide media choices:
• Kids age 3-6 are just becoming aware that they can be hurt, that parents can’t protect them from everything, and that parents don’t know everything. Like whether monsters exist and whether a cherry tree is growing in their stomach because they swallowed that seed.
• Not until age 7-8 can kids reliably distinguish between reality and fantasy.
• New fears developing suddenly are often a sign of intellectual growth. So if your kid is worried that the bathtub drain will swallow them, that means they’re smart.
• Conflict and suspense are tough for kids to intellectualize, it feels primal to them. And to be fair, in most entertainment media, that’s the intended effect.
Here’s how I changed my responses to Hank’s media fears after I did a little reading.
HOW TO DEAL WHEN A KID FEELS AFRAID
Be Calm
I stopped worrying about whether Hank “should” be afraid, and now I don’t dismiss feelings by saying things like, “This isn’t scary, honey.” Apparently, that teaches kids to hide fear or mask it, which is cruddy on many levels, but mostly because I need him to tell me if something scary happens when I’m not around.
Listen
I feel a little dumb admitting this, but I used to inadvertantly add to Hank’s fears by trying to guess what was wrong. “Are you afraid ligtening will strike our house?” Well, now he is. So now I ask, “Why are you afraid?” And then, “Why is that scary?” until I understand.
Mitigate
This rarely worked with Hank, but it made me feel better. I asked what I could do besides turning the show off. Hold him? Get a stuffed animal? Fast forward through suspense? If it worked one time in ten, it was worth it.
Research
Now I know more about what I’m getting into before I pay to see a movie in the theater or turn on a show for more than one kid to enjoy. If I don’t know the plot in advance, I know I’m of asking for it.
Forget Spoilers
Kids don’t care about being surprised. I explain what’s going to happen and what happens afterward, to help give him a sense of control. “It’s about to look like she died, but her sister will kiss her and she’ll wake up.”
Redirect
If Hank is still afraid and I’m able to turn a show off, I just do. And if I can’t because other children are enjoying it, we leave to draw, or play, or read.
GIVE IT TIME
With a little time and the right entertainment choices, Hank has mostly outgrown his “too scary” phase. It wasn’t a dramatic shift, just part of growing up — for both of us, my friends.
His newfound bravery has calmed the visions I had of him panicking at high school sleepovers when someone suggested watching Star Wars. We’re gonna hold off on that trash compactor scene though.
Do you know a kid who seems stressed out by TV or movies? Let us know if you have any tips for calming them, or whether they just eventually grew out of it, in comments.
For decades humans have feared that when robots unite, they’ll do so to subsume humanity. But, come on. Robots just wanna dance!
Since we started building his box robot, Hank and I have been talking about a robot party. I like using toys to decorate, and now that Hank’s Transformer collection has achieved critical mass, these robot tableaus are really coming together.
Details if you’d like to host your own Robot Dance Party or Transformer Party:
The table centerpiece features several of Optimus Prime’s alter egos — the 16-inch tall Optimus Prime, Silver Optimus Prime, James Brown Optimus Prime — and Grimlock, who is temporarily suspending his desire to supplant Optimus as leader of the Autobots… in the interest of getting down. (And because, from a franchise standpoint, he is way outnumbered.)
These are my startled robot cupcakes. I made the marshmallow heads first. A toothpick secures the Dots gumdrops on either side of the head, and little dots of icing are holding the candy eyes in place. Then I trimmed down some Sour Punch Bites to be mouth size, and attached that with icing too.
You can make the heads while the cupcakes bake, and once they’re done, add a little dollop of extra icing in the top center to hold the marshmallows in place. I like this guy because his head is tilted in question of our inferior logic.
I used the Grimlock vs Optimus battle set to guard the snacks. They’re like a Rock ’em Sock ’em Robot update with flat bottoms, so they stand on their own in the bowl even when they aren’t propped up by chips.
Trying to line up labels on a printer makes me want to knock my head against the desk, so I just photocopied Transformer logos off some packaging onto glossy paper, then taped them to the bottles with thin double-sided tape.
We requested that guests arrive as their favorite robot alter egos. We made this for the top of our Facebook invite, but we don’t mind if you use it too:
Everyone loves good robot gif.
This post is sponsored by Target. More Transformers, More Than Meets the Eye: Blur the lines of fantasy and reality with your favorite Transformers at Target.
This is my 7-year-old child craning his neck to see what’s on the television screen I’m watching, while he plays on my laptop.
It’s his preferred state of being, and I take full responsibility. I’m not sure what was in the bowl in front of him, but probably extra-dye M&Ms coated in high fructose corn syrup and then rolled in crunchy sugar crystals. He’s a growing boy.
I kid, but there are some screen-related things I don’t obsess about. I don’t worry that he’s becoming stupider, and I don’t mind that his heroes include robot trucks. I do care about spending enough time together engaged in non-watching activities, and making sure he’s hitting all the developmental marks along the way. We’re great on the reading front (relief), but he’s never been very interested in making things.
I grew up covered in glitter and Elmer’s Glue, but Hank can’t be tempted. We once gave him a giant activity book, which he read cover to cover, and then wandered away from it. He won’t even use safety scissors to sneak away and cut his own hair. This didn’t worry me much, kids have different interests, until he came home from school one day and said that he’s not good at art as the other kids. Aw man.
Time to get more serious about glue stick practice and Scissor Holding-101. I thought for a while about how to get him engaged for more than a few minutes in a way that wouldn’t leave him disliking art more than ever.
Hank has always been into science and robots, but lately he’s been interested in a very specific type of robot. So when the Tooth Fairy brought us this killer book called Welcome to Your Awesome Robot, I suggested maybe, we could, you know, make a Transformer.
You have no idea how hesitantly he engaged with this tape, my friends.
But he got into it! We built for a couple of days, and I encouraged him to come up with his own ideas and build things himself.
Innovations include, this sign that warns you not to stick your face too close to the input flap, lest it be chomped off.
Here is our threat monitor, which indicates when it’s time for the Autobots to roll out.
In the middle of drawing an arm hole, Hank said, “Mom. Building robots is SO. MUCH. FUN.”
Truth. And then we jumped around for a few minutes, because I’d been waiting seven years to hear something positive about cardboard and pipe cleaners.
We added party hat receptors, and a view slot, and an Optimus Prime sword, which makes very convincing robot sounds and doubles as an interior light source.
This photo is exactly what I thought it would be like to be a mom.
But what does it transform into?
“A fort! … can I play iPad inside?”
Sure, little guy.
This post is sponsored by Target. More Transformers, More Than Meets the Eye: Blur the lines of fantasy and reality with your favorite Transformers at Target.
Last year Hank asked for a Super Mario Brothers party. I assumed there would be branded crap everywhere, so I went to Target the day before… and nothing. So I went to two more party stores, neither of which had a single Super Mario party supply. The hell, Capitalism? So, this is what I pulled together on a wing and a prayer.
I’m proudest of the power-star balloons above, which I made by adding strips of electrical tape to make the signature eyes. It took about a minute per balloon, and I felt like a genius you guys.
These gift bags were 30 cents each, and then I stuck on the little faux fur mustaches, which are just the ones you buy in packets for wearing on your face. I wrote on the Let’s Go! Mostly because I didn’t feel like struggling with my printer for four hours to make pro-looking labels.
Here’s what was in them:
These are chocolate coins. I filled the bags, folded them over, and wrote the labels.
I cut the mustaches out so they still had sticker backings on them, and then used double sided sticky tape to affix them to these tags.
The one branded thing I was able to find that was under $10 a pop. They’re fruit snacks. If I had it to do over, I’d also add a tiny branded toy of some sort, but there was no time for me to special order them. Be ye forewarned.
These cupcakes were crazy easy. I bought those candies you use to melt down and pour into molded trays. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you can get them at Michaels or most any craft store or specialty food shop.) Then I just iced the cupcakes and stuck them on for a toadstool effect. You cannot screw this up.
And there you go. This year he wants a Minecraft party. So I’ll be hanging out on Pinterest for the next month or so.
I went to a good public high school, but my senior year a nearby school in the district closed, and my school absorbed its students.
Their advanced students joined our honors classes, and two things were clear: 1. The kids were just as smart as us. 2. Their education — at a public school just a few miles away — had not been as rigorous.
One girl joined our English class, and in the first two weeks it was obvious she was crazy bright and crazy frustrated. One day, our teacher used the word symbolism, and this girl kind of lost it.
“We don’t know what that means!” she said. “You guys know a lot about things we’ve never learned.” I leaned over, and said, “We barely know this. They just started talking about it at the end of last year.”
But she shook her head and pressed her lips together. “I don’t think I belong in this class,” she said. “You do!,” I said. “You’re smart! You’re really smart.” And she was.
But the next day she dropped the class.
IT’S NOT ABOUT IQ
I’ve been thinking about this because I recently learned that lots of American kids start kindergarten with a huge disadvantage that has nothing to do with their intellect, and everything to do with a shared vocabulary.
By age four, American kids from high-income families have heard about 30 million more words than kids on welfare, and 15 million more than kids in working class families.
Kids on the lucky end of the word gap obviously have an easier time understanding teachers and making themselves understood, an easier time learning to read, and other benefits that give them a leg up — the perception of a higher IQ than their low-income counterparts. The advantages persist into high school and beyond.
I’ve seen how much vocabulary disparities affect high school students, seen adults who feel stupid when they don’t know what a word means in a business meeting. I can’t imagine how frustrating it must be for a four year old.
COMMON SENSE
Closing the Word Gap means a cultural shift toward investment in kids – and who’s against this, really? We need more early nutritional programs, support of family stability, and widespread access to early learning in preschools or at home.
China has made such a substantial investment in early childhood education that they should have more college graduates in 2030 than the total size of our workforce in the States.
Fortunately, the biggest impact we can have individually is completely free. We need to treat babies more like little people.
When we see babies or toddlers, we should be talking to them, making eye contact, and reading whenever we get a chance. It lights up their little brains, and makes everyone’s future a little shinier too.
RESOLVED
In anticipation of the coming New Year, I made some parenting resolutions for myself. I’ve been exposed to a great deal of parenting research lately, and it turns out I’m finding new and creative ways to arrest my child’s potential. More eye contact! Less Mario!
Did you know Disneyland makes light-up Mickey ears and glowing balloons that interact with their light show? Here are what Hank’s looked like during the World of Color. Such a cool idea, eh?
Mighty Girl 