10 Days with Gwyneth Paltrow’s Trainer, Days 3-6

In case you want context:

Original post
Day 1
Day 2

Day 3 Report: Skipping breakfast before my workout is an error. I read a scientific study that proves you can get some of the benefits of exercise by simply imagining you’re exercising. I adopt this plan. I lay there, panting, and imagine working out for about half the routine. “These sit ups in my head are so taxing! My psychological form on these pikes is unbelievable!”

I’m not even sore the next day. Screw you, Science.

Day 4 Report: Huh. I can sort of manage a crippling Pilates position, which I had previously believed Tracy Anderson was achieving through CGI. I no longer feel angry at Tracy Anderson herself, just specific parts of her body — specifically her abs and upper arms.

Day 5 Report: I get through the first section without keening or modifying the exercises to suit the needs of an 80 year old woman who has just given birth.

Day 6 Report: If I ignore the searing pain, I am able to lay on the floor, and lift my legs at a right angle to my body while reaching to the ceiling to touch my toes. I do this more than once. I am increasingly angry at Tracy Anderson’s abs and upper arms.

Progress Report:

This project was supposed to take ten days. On some level, I suppose it will, but there has been guilt.

I’m working out twice a week more than I was.
Without changing my diet at all, I’ve lost two pounds. I love you, buttered bread and red wine.
My stomach is visibly more muscular.
I am no longer mortified to be on my hands and knees whimpering while my husband checks his email at the desk next to me.

9 thoughts on “10 Days with Gwyneth Paltrow’s Trainer, Days 3-6

  1. I’m trying her other mat workout tape (couldn’t find the post-preggo one, boo). My husband watches me do this and whine while I do it and cannot figure out why it is so hard, so I’m making him try it. I really hope that there is at least some part of it that he finds hard, but I’m betting that as a man, standing there with his arms out won’t be too tough. Damn people with upper body strength.


  2. Whimpering is THE perfect word for the noises that emit from one’s mouth while doing a work-out video.


  3. You are really tempting me to try this, even though I live in Canada and it’s $12.99 for shipping! I am 19mths postnatal and still hoping for some semblance of a pooch tightening. Do you think it’s worth it?


  4. Tasha, maybe try out her free video on Goop. She made a leg one for Gwyneth Paltrow. Just see if you like her vibe and whether the exercises are hard enough for you before you invest.

    I have found that the post-natal workouts are tightening my tummy skin, but I had more of a pooch than a fold-over flap. Still, it’s a great place to start.


  5. I am going to order this!

    I just found you recently, through Momversation, which I found through Dooce. As a SAHM, I am findng a lot of inspiration in “mommy blogs”.

    Thanks so much for sharing!


  6. I feel strongly about this: Jillian Michaels would cry like a pussy baby if she rolled with Tracy Anderson. I’ve been doing the DVD’s (the mat and the dance) for a week and I can’t help but love her and hate her at the exact same time. My personal favorite is the club dancing ab work – I can’t move in that way – I just can not do it. I was never cool enough to dance like that – I certainly can’t do it after creating a whole damn person. Because I can’t do the move I end up standing there staring at her and thinking “I’d make out with her and I’m not even into chicks”.
    And THAT is how you overshare in a comment.


  7. while I appreciate her workouts – Tracy Anderson’s body kind of freaks me out. I feel like I’m looking at an over muscular 13 year old.


  8. this is hilarious. i have been very curious about this tracy anderson person. thanks for demystifying her workout for me in a humorous fashion.


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