Good Luck, Kid

12th September 2006

Before we left for Europe, we took tests that told us we weren’t pregnant. We returned home and realized those tests were in error. I quickly calculated that I’d ruined the baby in the following ways:

Very hot outdoor hot baths
Copious wine
Raw sausages
Three cappuccinos (a day)
Riding bikes fast over cobblestone streets
Second-hand smoke so thick it was like breathing water (smoked water)
Snuggling with at least fifteen bar and cafe cats
Cussing
Impure thoughts

The Baby’s First Handgun is on our registry, so you too can do your part.

33 thoughts on “Good Luck, Kid

  1. Amy

    Heh. :) I know this is gross, but I think you’re OK with the cats while pregnant as long as you don’t have contact with feline feces. And if you hadn’t had any impure thoughts, your future child could be repressed, and you don’t want that.

    I’m due about two weeks after you are, I think. Congratulations!!

  2. Arianne

    Congratulations! I just found I was pregnant, too. Here’s the most annoyingly frequently asked question for ya: when are you due?

  3. amy

    congrats! i’m sure everything will be fine. many a woman has discovered she was preggo 2 or 3 months in after much drinking and cavorting. :)

  4. Tammy

    Apparently, for the first six weeks or so, the embryo isn’t fully attached to the uterus, and therefore all those “bad” things don’t have any effect on it. You only have to worry about all that stuff — don’t forget to fret about blue cheese and sushi! — for the remaining 36 weeks. Heh.

  5. Karen

    What Tammy said. I had a similar experience years ago; my OB put my mind at rest. The first trimester is pretty safe, as is the last — it’s the middle trimester where you have to be extra careful. Mazel Tov!

  6. jenB

    Lets face it, you are just trying to prepare us to accept your fabulously attractive and brilliant offspring that is bound to result out of you and Bryan’s genes. :-) Everytime I think about you I want to pinch your cheeks I am so happy. :-)

  7. AnnieKNodes

    You might want to delete this post before your kid becomes a teenager. It’s pretty good evidence for when he/she accuses you of, “Never really wanting me!” and “Not caring anything about me!” and “Wanting me to be exactly like you!”

    Luckily, you’ve got a good 13 years.

  8. CrankMama

    Don’t worry. After all, you’re “Mighty Girl” and your wee nut isn’t encountering anything others before haven’t… meanwhile, see what you can do about those impure thoughts (they get more impure the more pregnant you are, you know).

  9. jen

    Between you and shannon, I’m starting to think that wine and not sex causes pregnancy.

    In which case, I’m totally screwed.

    Congratulations!

  10. mimi

    So…they don’t have any reliable pregnancy test in Europe, huh?
    When I would ask my doctor anything, and this was over twenty years ago, he would just say, “Well, women have been having babies for thousands of years…”
    Congratulations, though!! Pregnancy and deliver are a breeze; it’s the post partum period which is tough, since it can last up to 30 or 40 years!
    Take care.

  11. mathew

    i think drinking wine for the first 3 months or so is fine, right? maybe not 3 months, or maybe it’s longer, but i believe i read that it’s fine for a certain amount of time…

  12. Snithia

    For excellent perspective on how much to drink (not drink) during pregnancy, watch Stephen Frears’ 1993 movie “The Snapper.”

    Actually, this is an excellent family values film–drunkenness, cussing, brawling, mewling (all attributed to the pregnant character) notwithstanding.

  13. Sarah

    I don’t think there is much we can do to hurt the little guys when they aren’t even showing – I was at the gym the other day in a class and the instructor found out I was pregnant and FREAKED out! She got all mad at me for trying to stay in shape and gave the class a 10 minute lecture about how we shouldn’t try and sneak any “conditions” by her. I was doing secret Plank pose in the back whenever she turned around and the old women were having fits. I’m gonig to toughen this baby up from the womb – no namby pamby kids for me! Sounds like you’ll have the same :) Huge Congrats!

  14. Tim

    I think what we have learned here is that Copious wine, Raw sausages and Snuggling with cafe cats causes pregnancy.

  15. Chrissie

    My friend didn’t know she was pregnant, drank (quite a bit) every night for the two weeks she came to town to visit, and still had a perfectly healthy baby boy… I went out one night and had a couple of drinks with her too — we really make the best pair of unknowingly pregnant drinkers! — and my baby was also fine… In the words of my awesome midwife, “You didn’t know. And it’s really no big deal. Go home, drink a bottle of wine, and then call me crying… No, wait! Don’t really do that!” ;)

  16. jaroenke

    I’ve been drinking plenty of red wine, but hubby is deployed. I think the red wine only works when you do it together. Oh well, I’ll keep practicing that part until he gets back and can join me!
    I’ll also start snuggling feral cats (minus feces) instead of just taking photos for flickr’s feral cat group.

    ps – ignore my blog – lots of ideas, little published – hence the purchase of your book!

  17. Lin

    That little one stands a very good chance of turning out just like my kids (due to similar exposure) and they’re your age and brilliant and beautiful so don’t worry…you’ll most likely have a fantastic kid.

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