Archive for November, 2003

They just posted my Wedding Guide: Part IV, Wedding Tips over at The Morning News. If you’re getting married, you should go read it.

If you live near an ocean, this is especially useful. It’s the Monterey Bay Aquarium’s wallet-sized Seafood Watch Card. It rates seafood consumption by how safe it is for the environment and the particular species.

We are the proud owners of 692 candle votives, three party jugs of SKYY Citrus, and five large jars of maraschino cherries. Come on over. We’ll get drunk, light shit on fire, and see how many cherries you can fit in your mouth at once. Married people know how to party.

People, please. I do not want to say this again, and I know I need to talk slowly because you’re obviously not the brightest bulb:
Keep your children away from Michael Jackson.
The man breathes out of two holes in the middle of his face, you can see his entire circulatory system through his skin, […]

Scenario: Two high school girls discuss AJ, who is a “friend” to one and love interest to the other.
What your grandma think of AJ?
She don’t like him.
Why not?
She think he’s lazy.
He is lazy.
Yeah he is. Mom likes him, but grandma don’t like him.
He sits around all day. Like, […]

We spent the weekend in Carmel, where you can pass an entire day chatting with strangers about their Labradors and reading The New Yorker on the beach. Strolling into town for a latte, you’ll note a tide of applique sweaters and track suits (many of them on the Labradors). We took long neighborhood walks; donned […]

From White Oleander by Janet Fitch:
“I crawled under the bed, pulled out the sack of her letters, some packets thin as a promise, others fat like white koi.”

Hipster Knock-Knock:
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
I can’t believe you’ve never heard this joke before.

Me: I’ll have a cup of tea.
Barrista: Grande?
Me: How big is grande?
B: Medium big.
Me: Then what’s the big called?
B: Vente.
Me: How big is Vente?
B: (Points)
Me: Whoa. Way too big. What’s the little one?
B: Short.
Me: I’ll have that one.
Peet’s Coffee offers small, medium, and large cups. […]

I’m a girl who digs a good system. Therefore, I was disproportionately excited to come across this method of opening pomegranates without staining yourself and your kitchen.
And as long as you’re opening pomegranates, make this guacamole immediately. It has pears, grapes, and pomegranates in it. I know it sounds odd, but it’s so good it’ll […]