The Goods

Evan posted some photos of our wedding. I’ll eventually post some of ours too. Our photographer brought us 1,500 prints in one of those huge plastic bins one usually uses to store sweaters for winter. The thought of sorting through them gives me hives.

The Thrill is Gone

Bryan has just taken a shower, and I leap on him.

Me: Ug! You’re still all wet!

(Blow on his shoulder in a mock-sexy attempt to dry him off.)

Him: Whoa! I thought you were going to spit on me at first.

Me: Spit on you?

Him: I know. I was like, “Um. That’s not-hot.”

Me: Spitting on you equals not hot.

Him: I’m thinking, we’ve only been married like three weeks, and already she’s trying to kick it up a notch.

Married Life Begins

Somehow one of the registries malfunctioned and we ended up with three meat tenderizers. Right now, Bryan is using them to play air drums in the kitchen.

Josh Cagan

Have you met Josh Cagan? He amuses me greatly:

On the movie Thirteen:

“Okay. Dig this. I have a thirteen year-old neice. I’m sure one of her friends is messed up. I’ll get her to confide in me, and then we’ll write an awesome screenplay about it! What better way to teach a troubled child the difference between right and wrong, than to reward her behavior with ALL OF THE MONEY, FAME, AND MEDIA EXPOSURE IN THE WORLD!!!

The completely awesome thing about that plan, is that NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING, is better for an emotionally damaged kid than turning them into a cautionary example/media wunderkind/eroticized child whore-pop SENSATION!!!!! Because the ads sure as shootin’ don’t show any repentant, seen-the-error-of-their-ways teenage girls, they show ROCKET HOT YOUNG DRUGGED UP NOT-EVEN-BARELY-LEGAL-POON-A-PALOOZA-CHICK-A-LICK-A-DING DONG!!!! HELLO!!!

So, three cheers, director. Attaboy, producers. Sorry, kid. Hope the sidewalk in front of the Viper Room is soft and warm.”