Lessons Learned (and Learned, and Learned)

19th November 2003

People, please. I do not want to say this again, and I know I need to talk slowly because you’re obviously not the brightest bulb:

Keep your children away from Michael Jackson.

The man breathes out of two holes in the middle of his face, you can see his entire circulatory system through his skin, he dangles his children from balconies, and he’s had his penis described by a thirteen-year-old boy. What needs to happen before you think, “You know, maybe I shouldn’t send Johnny over to play on the merry-go-round.”