Tag: san francisco

The F-Line

The Muni line that runs up Market gets a lot of tourists. The trains are vintage Italian streetcars, they’re electric and run on tracks. Today, there are two trains on the same track. A tourist approaches the one in the rear and asks the driver, “Which train leaves first?” He blinks at her, then at the train in front of him. “This one,” he replies. She climbs aboard.

Transvestite on a Cell Phone

Let’s just pray, baby…
Let’s just pray about it.
Do you want to pray on the phone, or do you want me to come over, sugar?…
No, no. I’m right here, baby. I just got on the bus, I’m headed up Market. I’m right near you, baby…
On the train…
Yes, sugar…
Do you want me to bring you some food or something?
Some coffeee or some OJaaaay?…
OJ? OK. Do you want filtered or pulp, baby?…
Pulp then. I’ll bring you some pulpy OJ, you get it all stuck up in your teeth and we gonna do some prayin’…
Uh huh. See you soon, baby.

Renting Movies in the Castro

Store Clerk: The white tags are DVD, the black tags are VHS. If you call at noon, we’ll do same-day reservations of all our Hollywood titles.

Me: Great, thanks.

(A few minutes later, on the street.)

Me: What do they mean, they’ll let you reserve the Hollywood titles?

Him: Didn’t you see the side room?

Me: No.

Him: They have a whole room full of boy-sex movies. Apparently they don’t let you reserve those in advance.

Me: I wonder why not.

Him: Probably too much trouble. They got one too many calls, Can I reserve that one with the two guys? Like, the one with the guy doing the other guy? The one with the big member?

Overheard: City Parking

Scenario: Two young men walking to work. One is wearing leather pants; the other, sport sandals and a baseball cap.

Guy 1: Did I tell you that you can park over there for ten bucks? Right there. All day.

Guy 2: Shit. That’s a good reason to get a car.

Guy 1: Yeah it is.

Overheard

Scenario: Two girls working at a bead store on the Haight.

Girl 1: The weirdest thing happed to me a few days ago. There’s this bum, right?

Girl 2: Yeah.

Girl 1: And we start talking, and he says, Do you mind if I ask you something? and I’m all, Sure. So he’s like, Are you on your period?

Girl 2: GROSS!

Girl 1: I know! I’m like, None of your business, pervo.

Girl 2: Seriously.

Girl 1: Yeah But the weird thing was, I was.

Girl 2: On your period?

Girl 1: Yeah.

Girl 2 :Sick!

Girl 1:Isn’t that sick?

Girl 2: Well, how did he know?

Girl 1: I don’t know.

Girl 2: Weird. I wonder how he knew.

Girl 1: Yeah.

2:54 p.m.


JUNIOR HIGH SEXUAL POLITICS, OVERHEARD

Boy: Most guys think, If I could put my power drive up in her, that’d be alright.

Shiny Shirt Girl: What if he’s just not interested in doing it because he’s only 15?

Boy: Then he’s not a guy.

Shiny Shirt Girl: 15?!

Girl in Pigtails: I hate to say it, but I have to agree with George on this one.

5:15 p.m.


OVERHEARD

Man: So, how’ve you been?

Woman: Good, you?

M: Not so good, our dog is sick again.

W: Oh, no!

M: Yeah, took him to the vet and he needs back surgery.

W: Wow.

M: Yeah, he’s been limping around. He’s 12 years old, so he’s getting on. They’re only supposed to live until they’re about 14. We just spent $600 on his eye problem. Mike and I share expenses for him. This surgery is going to be $4,000.

W: Oh my gosh! What are you going to do?

M: Go ahead with it. What can we do? The vet says most people put the dog down.

W: How terrible.

M: I know! We can’t do that. We’re just trying to give her a little more time.

W: Sure.

M: If the surgery doesn’t work, we’ll try acupuncture or something.

W: They have that for doggies?

M: Oh suuuure!

5:15 p.m.