28th April 2009
New parents at the coffee shop with their six-month old baby. “Why Don’t We Do it In the Road?” comes on the radio and mom bobs her head exaggeratedly. Baby waves his hands, happy and frantic. “Why don’t we do it in the roohohhoad!” mom croons. “No one will be watching us!” Dad joins in, shaking his shoulders a little.
Wiping up the table before they leave, baby joins in the upkeep. “Look!” Mom says. “He’s gonna be a busboy!” “Yes!” Dad says, “Yes, you are! You’re gonna be a buuusboy!”
22nd April 2009
Girl: Ack! I need a tissue, there’s snot dripping out of my nose!
Guy 1: That’s the worst.
Guy 2: Holocaust.
Guy 1:Desperately Seeking Susan.
Girl: Suddenly Susan.
19th November 2008
Scenario: French coffee shop owner at French cafe realizes American customer’s wife is also French.
Owner: Your wife is French?
Customer: Yep.
Owner: No kidding!
Customer: Yep.
Owner: How long since you’ve been back to France?
Customer: I don’t enjoy France.
Owner: Oh…
Customer: Yeah, I don’t like France at all.
9th July 2008
Scenario: A young man in his mid-twenties talking on his cell as he walks home from work.
“I know what you’re saying. I hear you. Willpower, homes. It’s gonna be hard to go out, have a good time, have some drinks, and not hit that. But that’s where willpower comes in.
30th June 2008
Cigar-smokin’ sidewalk guy wants to talk to you.
Say, do you mind if he smokes here?
You! Does he know you?
Hello! Como estas? Bien? Bien?
Lady passersby, succumb to his desires.
26th June 2008
Scene: Coffee shop, two girls discuss the web.
“I’m getting off Facebook. Everyone is equalized in a way I’m very uncomfortable with.”
27th February 2008
-I know you. You’re one of those girls who likes to pretend she’s good but is wild underneath.
-No.
-Yeah. Yeah you are. You’re a bad girl who just doesn’t want other people to know it. I like that.
-No. No.
-Awww. Come on.
-No.
-No?
-No.
-I see, you’re one of those who likes to play coy.
-No, dude. I could not be less coy.