Moist

I was out shopping recently and decided to buy a coat. I took it up to the counter, and the cashier proceeded to fold it. She seemed a little absent, and stared forward as she worked. I was about to look away uncomfortably, but then I noticed something. A long thread of saliva was stretching from her lower lip. Time slowed as it extended from her mouth to form a small, moist pool on my new coat. She put it in a bag, and handed it to me. I inhaled, and took the bag between two fingers. She told me the price, which I paid, and then she handed me the receipt. I said, Thank you! a little too brightly and left.

Overheard

A group of old guys meets at the corner coffee shop every morning around 7 a.m. Today, they discussed pop culture:

Old Guy 1: Do you like the “Cybil”? The T.V. show? “Cybil”?

OG2:They’re not making it any more.

OG3: It’s in syndication.

OG1: No, it’s on the Oxygen.

OG2: Who’s on oxygen?

All: Heheheheheheheheheheh.

OG2: Ohhhh Lord.

THIS MORNING

  • A woman in a white Hazmat suit sprays down the sidewalk in front of the Castro theater.
  • The train smells like pepper.
  • A church sign reads, “Join us, pray for America.” Two men are seated on the steps below the sign. Their heads are bowed, hands in their laps. It takes me a moment to realize they’re sleeping.
  • A huge black garbage can overflows with blossoming branches.
  • A group of old women are talking on the sidewalk. The shortest one holds her cigarette like a joint.


A SMALL, GOOD THING

“We realize some of you may now defect, and while we wish you well, we also spit on your backs.” The Morning News just relaunched. Take a moment.

75051306


4.1.02 PUBLIC RESTROOMS

The toilet paper dispenser says Executive on the side. This gives me pause. It has never occurred to me that this is a situation in which I should feel professional.

Related

Lane is working on his 20 things project and needs help. He wants you to send him a short set of directions (walk until you see a tree, turn left, etc.), and when he gets to the end of your instructions, he’ll take a picture. Here’s the page with the details.


20 THINGS

I participated in the last 20 things swap. My artlet is the thumbnail in the top left corner. (I know I posted this awhile ago, but I took the link down because the site wasn’t officially open for the viewing public. Oops.)

Value Added

I’m afraid of heights. My new dentist is in an old building with an elevator that has mesh walls. I didn’t realize the elevator was of the see-through variety until I’d already climbed aboard, pushed my floor, and begun to hum. By the time I noticed the swaying cables of the elevator next to me, it was too late. I was well on my way to the sixth floor.

I concentrated on breathing, closed my eyes, and clutched the railing behind me. The elevator stopped. I stepped forward to the doors, but they didn’t open. I pressed the convenient little “door open” button. Nope. I pressed it with authority. The button ignored me. I watched as the elevator next to me zoomed past with its passengers. They stopped, and disembarked, about five feet above me. My transparent elevator was dangling between floors.

As panic rose in my throat, I pressed the alarm bell. Nothing. I pressed the intercom. Nothing. I glanced around nervously, then yelled at the person behind me on the stairwell. (I could see him, you see. Just as I could see the swaying, decaying cables above me, and the 300-foot drop below me.) He didn’t respond. After about five minutes, another elevator zoomed past me. I yelled out to its occupants.

I’m TRAPPED!

What?

The elevator stopped between floors!

Are you serious?

YES!!

A few minutes (hours, millennia) later, the security guard ascended the stairs behind me.

Well, I’ll be. There you are.

Yes

I didn’t see you get in. I would have stopped you. They’re doing repair work.

What? What’s wrong with the elevator?

Wasn’t working right.

How? Like, what’s wrong? I mean, OK Can they turn it back on?

Maybe, I’ll see.

Twenty minutes later, I was lying supine on the floor, sweating. The lights came back on, the floor started to hum, and the elevator edged upward.

By the time I got in to my dentist appointment, I was shaking. I had some enamel drilled and some plastic items put in my mouth that weren’t there before. It was almost comforting.

On the way out, the dentist was headed for lunch. He held the elevator door open for me.

I took the stairs.