For Sentimantal Reasons

The guy on the treadmill in front of me was muscle-bound, had a shaved head, and was wearing one of those tank tops with armholes cut down to his waist. He was reading “The Big Book of Torch Songs.”

What it Takes

From the March New Yorker article, “The Riddler” about a crossword puzzle competition. I love these people:

As referees brought in completed puzzles, Rosen and the other twenty or so officials scored the answers, pausing only to ridicule the occasional hapless entry.

“Who writes ‘skua’ with a ‘q’?”

“Eriq La Salle!”

“Wasn�t he just on the over of GQ?”

“You mean GK?”

The F-Line

The Muni line that runs up Market gets a lot of tourists. The trains are vintage Italian streetcars, they’re electric and run on tracks. Today, there are two trains on the same track. A tourist approaches the one in the rear and asks the driver, “Which train leaves first?” He blinks at her, then at the train in front of him. “This one,” he replies. She climbs aboard.

Would That I Had Been a Badass

When I was fifteen, I was scouting the most advantageous lunch spot on the quad. I also spent a lot of time on my hair. I’ve got eleven years on Katie, and she’s still cooler than me. She says:

april 30 2002

Final proof that there’s no such thing as god, and also wishes don’t come true:

Today in the hallway Steven Fuckhead said “HI KATIE” to me and all his friends who were standing around laughed, so obviously he wasn’t hit by a bus and ground into little pieces like I asked.

april 25 2002

A funny joke:

Ed: I say old chap, knocke knocke!

Fred: Wha? Hullo, who might that be?

Ed: WHy I dare say it’s “orange” my good man!

Fred: Well I never. “Orange?” you say? “Orange” whom?

Ed: “Orange” you glad I’m only going to stab you in ONE of your eyes? Ah ha!

Fred: Dear me!

ps. This joke is funny because they have british accents

(via Anil)

Of Course

I was headed for a film festival, but had a dentist visit just before. He knocked around for a while and said, All set. Just don’t eat popcorn for a few weeks.

Things That Happen

When I was little, our kitchen sink had a bright light just above it. In the summer evenings, Mom would leave the back door open for air, and moths would come to knock stupidly against the light. One night, a moth flew into my mom�s ear while she was washing dishes. It was still alive, so she could feel it fluttering in panic as Dad drove her to the hospital to have it removed with an extra-long pair of tweezers.

After twenty years, thinking of this incident still provokes my gag reflex.