Presentation

This gentleman is walking fast and bad. He has his hair teased out, his tracksuit just so, and he’s looking around for someone to shove. He decides to clear out the nasty taste in his mouth and jerks his head left to spit. The spittle doesn’t quite clear his shoulder. He pretends not to notice.

Coordination

My sister bought me a set of bath stuff for Christmas. When I took it into the bathroom, I realized that the bath gel matched our shower curtain. I was much too pleased about this.

Ain’t Life Grand?

Did you ever have one of those days where every little thing just fell into place? Friday was like that for me. I got to my car fifteen minutes after I should have moved it for street cleaning. No ticket. I climbed in and rolled the windows down. It was February, but it was balmy; the air tasted good. I was on my way to lunch with a new friend, one of those people you keep meaning to make time for. Every light was green; pedestrians waited for me to pass before they tried to cross; there was a legal parking space right in front of the cafe. I had a tuna sandwich with coconut, and seaweed, and a mild vinagrette; the ice water was particularly crisp. My friend and I talked about small, good things; we sat on the back patio where flowers were in bloom. And as I was driving home,Groovin came on the radio. If I’d had some good chocolate in the glove compartment, I probably could’ve ascended.

Overheard: a Solid Relationship

Scenario: Young woman in her twenties is talking on her cell phone at the back of the bus. She is well dressed; she is alone.

Just call up, double your hours

You aint even got to fill something out, they should have you on file

Just go in and talk to Jorge

Yeah, do it. It’s easy

It’s easy

I gotta go to work, then I gotta go the DMV

I can’t

‘Cause I didn’t go in yesterday. I wasted yesterday with your sorry ass

I got an appointment at 2:50. Ain’t no telling what time I get outta there

Noooo.

‘Cause you ain’ gonna go

You ain’t

I know you say you will, but you ain’t

You just running down my battery

Cause I know you ain’ gonna go, so you wastin your breath

You need someone to hold your hand.

You like a little boy

Why you always asking me who I’m with? Why I gotta be with somebody?

No, I’m not

No. I’m not

OK, whatever

Whatever

Whatever

OK, if you feel the need to talk to me, then you can call

Bye, bitch.

Antelope, Indeed

About a year ago, Bryan and I started walking all the streets of the city together. Last night we stepped around some wet cement. Someone had scratched antelope on its surface. And that’s, you know, a good reminder to us all.

Personal Shopper

I’ve been spending way too much time on eBay in search of fun vintage things for the wedding. Every once in awhile I come across stuff that’s of no use to me, but is great nonetheless. I look like a corpse in tan, but could you just eat this silk-lined, cashmere dress? Or how about this firecracker of a dress sweater? And finally, if you’re looking for a wedding dress for under $3,000 and sans glitter applique, observe this simple silk Ralph Lauren number. If you buy it, send me a note, girl. We’ll talk shoes.

The Cheesiest

A friend of ours just got a car; it is yellow and zippy. We drove along the coast, tried to think of a name for the car, and ended up out at the pet cemetery in the Presidio. I’d never been before, and the place is an odd mixture of pathos and hilarity. Best pet name goes to a fish called Macaroni Heart. Rest in peace, little buddy.

Hey, Thanks

Evan has taken a lot of shit over the years for keeping Blogger alive on his own after the original Pyras had, quite reasonably, given up hope. In fact, he’s still taking some shit from people who really should have risen above by now. I’d just like to take this opportunity to say thanks, Ev. You done good. No matter how nasty things got, you were right to keep going. I owe a lot to Blogger, and I’m glad you didn’t let it die. Here’s to regular paychecks, paid vacation, and all the bandwidth your little heart desires. Wishing you and yours a long and healthy corporate life in your new partnership with Google.