I’m reading In the Skin of the Lion by Michael Ondaatje. I love this description of a girl rolling over:
“Clara turned slowly like something on the floor of the ocean.”
2:27 p.m.
Category: categories
Another Onion tribute:
William Safire Orders Two Whoppers
JuniorNEW YORK–Stopping for lunch at a
Manhattan Burger King, New York
Times ‘On Language’ columnist
William Safire ordered two “Whoppers
Junior” Monday. “A majority of Burger
King patrons operate under the
fallacious assumption that the plural is
‘Whopper Juniors,'” Safire told a
woman standing in line behind him.
“This, of course, is a grievous
grammatical blunder, akin to saying
‘passerbys’ or, worse yet, the dreaded
‘attorney generals.'” Last week, Safire
patronized a midtown Taco Bell,
ordering “two Big Beef Burritos
Supreme.”4:00 p.m.
This article made me sad. It’s about people robbing hundreds of flowers at a time from a little park in San Francisco.
11:34 a.m.
Some chick is out at a bar one night thinking, “Sure, you can see my nipples thorough my shirt most of the time. But what if it’s warm out, or my shirt isn’t creating enough friction? There may be entire minutes when my nipples aren’t as perky and visible as I’d like. How can I ensure that my nipples look exactly how I want them to look all the time?”
Enter Body Perks, a site that sells fake nipples to paste over your -real- nipples. The idea is that they’ll be at attention all the time and will more effectively show through your shirt. And get their catchy ad slogan: “Nipples are in!”
Right.
2:04 p.m.
Engrish.com has a bunch of terrific Japanese mistranslations. This schedule book says, “Have a smell of panda droppings. This one is very fragrant.”10:23 a.m.
Disturbing auctions scours eBay and the like for items of concern. The “God Bless Our Truckers” velvet painting is an example, more of my favorites include:A purse fashioned from a bull’s scrotum.
1:49 p.m.
EMAIL MOMENT!
To: Me
From: A friend who just got off icq.
Scenario: He and a fellow programmer discuss a new word.
Excerpt:
maggie, you have to read this. it’s an icq
conversation I just had with
Scott.<stupid conversation>
Scott: I got mad perl hacking phearness!
Marty: phearness?
Scott: yes its a term that was created in this
very room……Marty: what does it mean?
Scott: it means kinda anything…but particular
and in that expample its
kinda like means that my mad perl hacking skilll are
so great they should
cause others fear..hence I got mad perl hacking
phearness…..Marty: that makes no sense. and what are you, a
rapper?Scott: its makes perfect sense…what kinda
programmer are you? and no I
am not a rapper!Marty: -ness: suff. State; quality; condition; degree: brightness.
I’m pretty sure the prefix to -ness has to be an
adjective. dictionary.com
lists 0 references to fear being an adjective.Marty: thus, it makes no sense.
Marty: it certainly doesn’t make perfect sense.
Scott: obvisoiuly you just don’t
understand….you must have no
programming phearnessMarty: I hope not, it sounds stupid
Scott: poor martin…your just not down with the
sceneMarty: and I’m sure that neither you nor me could
cause others fear via
programming skill. in fact, I’m reasonably certain
that bjarne wouldn’t
cause anyone fear due to programming skill, and he’s
arguably the best
programmer ever.Scott: why must you argue such points with me?
just accept it as a cool
word….obviously your just not under enough stress
at your job to
understand code hakcing phearnessMarty: well I’m certainly not under enough stress to
invent grammatically
incorrect affix construction and then incorrectly
deduce its meaning.Scott: i can mean whatever the fuck we want we
invented the god damn
thing and its not like the god damn english language
makes any fucking sense
anyway! bitch ass mother fucker!</stupid conversation>
7:49 p.m.
If you’re a woman, you must visit this site. It teaches you how to pee standing up. I’m talking about peeing just like a guy, without removing your clothes. The quote on the front page by Judith Lewis of L.A. Weekly says it all, “Far and away the most practical information regarding the female anatomy I’ve run across in years. Who knew?” Next we’ll be writing our names in the snow.
12:14 p.m.
A cure for extinction:
BRIGHTON, Tasmania, Aug. 21 � A sign by the small enclosure near
the Bonorong Park Wildlife Center entrance says �Tasmanian
tiger,� but the fabled carnivore is nowhere to be seen. The last
known Tasmanian tiger, or thylacine, died in captivity in 1936,
but a team of Australian biologists believes the animal�s
extinction may simply be a 70-year hiccup. DNA from a
Tasmanian tiger has been found, and cloning is under way.The rest of the article is here.
3:24 p.m.
Just got an email that read:
Definition of “truncate” from dictonary.com:
Appearing to terminate abruptly, as a leaf of a tulip tree or a coiled
gastropod shell that lacks a spire.or better,
Appearing to terminate abruptly,
as a leaf of a tulip tree
or a coiled gastropod shell
that lacks a spire.
12:16 p.m.
Mighty Girl 