Famous among dozens
SAFETY FEATURES
The 11.15.01 strip from Gimme Back My God was a good one, “This SUV comes equipped with many safety features. Which is good because if you’re in an accident, you’ll want to be in peak physical health as you gloat over the broken bodies of your victims.”
BRING IT, GOOGLE
Someone just arrived at my site by searching for “erotic oktoberfest.” I want that to happen a lot more. Erotic Oktoberfest, Erotic Oktoberfest, Erotic Oktoberfest.
11:08 a.m.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ERNIE
OVERHEARD
Characters: Two girls standing above the dance floor
Girl 1: I’ll go over.
Girl 2: WAIT! We have to make sure he sees you first. Does he see you?
Girl 1: STOP LOOKING!
Characters: Friends on the balcony
Her: How’s the trolling?
Him: Eh. It doesn’t matter anyway. All these people are from Oakland, I’m never going to see them again.
Her: What? San Francisco is, like, 20 minutes outside Oakland.
Him: Yeah…
1:29 p.m.
THEY CALL YOU WHAT?
Do you live in the Bay Area? Go see Harmon Leon in “They Call Me Shitshoes!” It is a laff riot! Well, about three quarters of it is a laff riot, the rest is better if you’ve had a beer. Anyway, it’s a one-man show by this writer (his work has appeared in Salon, Details, and Maxim) who travels around and goes to weird conventions. My favorite bit is about a Christian ventriloquist convention in San Diego, which he visits with his dummy “Mr. Cocksucker.” It amused me greatly, you will like it:
Friday, November 30th
10 p.m.
$7
Spanganga Performance Gallery
3376 19th St @ Mission
San Francisco
415-821-1102
5:07 p.m.
EDITORIAL INTEGRITY PART DEUX
More fun with Craigslist:
“32 — Recently laid off and now working in the sex industry?
From: asanders@sfexaminer.com
Thu Nov 15th
If you (or someone you know) lost your job this year and are doing sex work to make ends meet– phone sex, dominatrix work or other sex-related gigs — please email me. I’m working on a story on the subject and will keep your identity strictly confidential.
Thanks!
Adrienne”
In other news, a young girl with a long tongue (via ernie), and Peter Pan finally found his Tinkerbell (via MetaFilter).
1:29 p.m.
EMAIL MOMENT!
From:Intrepid reporter friend.
Subject: Editorial Integrity
Excerpt:
“As you may have heard, Mark told some brilliant lies and almost got me a job, but the facade cracked when his boss asked this pointed (and loaded) question: “Do you even know what newspapers do?” I mean, how are you supposed to answer that? Apparently, not with “no.” So, providentially (which means “and then Fate/Satan played another cruel joke”), the building trade magazine I was freelancing for offered me a full-time job. They have a new Editor-in-Chief (third one in the same year — how’s THAT for job security), and she’s got grand visions about making it a “real” magazine. Bless her heart. She’s still fighting the good fight. Today, a guy from advertising came in and said, “Can you do a story on this roofing manufacturer? They just bought an ad,” and she replied, “We don’t do that anymore,” and stared him down. Wow. She’s going to get fired real soon.”
11:55 a.m.
REALIZATION
My gynecologist’s office is on Bush Street.
10:48 a.m.
WHY AMERICANS ARE FAT, FIRST IN A SERIES
So I’m watching this commercial for Tostitos Scoopers. The premise is that most chips aren’t easy enough to dip. Regular chips are designed so that you can only use dips as a condiment, a chip enhancer, if you will. Scoopers have a more spoonlike quality that lets you eat entire tablespoons of sour cream with each chip. The dip becomes the object, the chip merely a passive conduit. Right now, they only make corn chips, which is too bad. If they made a potato chip version, it would be great for scooping butter.
3:04 p.m.
NOE VALLEY MOMENT
Sign in a shop window on my walk home: “Interested in cheese classes? Inquire within!!!” And the sad truth? I’m totally interested in cheese classes.
5:12 p.m.
FUN WITH CRAIGSLIST
Creepy missed connections ad on Craigslist:
” Do you live above the AMC theaters on Van Ness? (Across the street) Can you see me looking at you? Just WAVE…”
Enchanting, no? Especially that last bit, with the insistent “WAVE” in all upper caps. Who writes something like that expecting to get a date? “What’s that you say, delightful thing? You’ve been watching me? Well, how quaint. I don’t even know you, and you’ve already seen me naked. Rather amusing when you think about it. It really is so difficult to meet new people in the City, what with all the crazies about. Do come over for coffee.”
In other news, a smashingly titled event from the entertainment section:
11/17-18: womens art faire this weekend 17th & 18th: ‘OVARIA’ (emeryville)
11:45 a.m.
APPRAISAL
Cultural lessons via “Antiques Roadshow.”
American:
-Yes, that’s pretty neat. We’re glad you brought it in today. Any idea what it’s worth?
-None at all. No idea at all.
-It’s quite an unusual piece, it’s been a treat to see it. And I think–are you ready for this? I’d say around $800.
-NOOOOOOO KIDDING! Gosh! I had no idea! HA! Ha. I just can’t believe it.
-And how much did you pay for it?
-Just three dollars!!!!
-Happy?
-Yes, that’s just wonderful. Thanks so much!
British:
-Well, do you like the piece?
-Yeeees. Certainly.
-Yes, it’s lovely. Well, do you get good use of it?
-Yes. Yes.
-Well, I’d say, if you wanted to replace it, it would cost around 15 katrillion pounds.
-Yes. Right. Thank you.
9:09 p.m.
STICKS AND STONES
Jason posted this link to a list of phobias. I lost about half an hour to it. There’s a fear for everything (panophobia). I’ve categorized a few of the better ones.
Fears that amuse me:
Fears that make a lot of sense:
Fears that have applied to me at one time or another:
What-the-hell fears:
Sucks-to-be-you fears:
Good-luck-with-that fears:
But my favorite fear of all time is hippopotomonstrososesquipedaliophobia. Fear of long words.
3:25 p.m.
Mighty Girl 