Category: categories


MAGGIE RECOMMENDS

It’s been over a week since I saw Amelie, and I’m still in a good mood. Then again, I’m also still laughing about the guy who bet that his friend wouldn’t eat an entire tablespoon of cinnamon. (via Kottke)

5 p.m.


FOR EXAMPLE

I was looking into the nuances of semicolon usage when I came across this gem in the Chicago Manual of Style, 14th edition, section 5.90:

“Mittelbach had forgotten his reeds; hence he was prevented from jamming with the others.”

5:16 p.m.


WHERE’S MY BOYFRIEND, BITCH?

Brrrrriiing!

Brrrrrriiiing!

Me: Yeeees?

Her: Hi….Wha…? Is Alfred there?

Me: Is that the bartender?

Her: The bartender? No. (peeved) Who is this?

Me: Maggie.

Her: (anger mounting) Maggie who?

Me: Maggie Berry.

Her: (anger peaks) Where’s Alfred?

Me: Do you know you’re calling Hobson’s Choice?

Her: What?

Me: The bar, Hobson’s Choice.

Her: Who are you?!

Me: Did you mean to call a pay phone?

Her: Oh! My mistake.

Click.

5:14 p.m.


EXCERPT

Subway post from Andrew at the Morning News: “This morning when I got on the subway a mother and daughter — the daughter around six years of age — boarded with me. At every stop the girl raised her fists above her head and shouted, “Yaaaaayyyyy!” Each time her mother would say, “Not yet.” When we reached the Union Square stop the girl said nothing. Her mother said, “This is where we get off.” The daughter raised her fists above her head and yelled, “Yaaaaayyyyy!”

Posted by andrew at 06:35 PM, December 06, 2001″

3:41 p.m.


SPECTACULAR SPECTACULAR

How can I describe the
spectaculitude of the Rockettes’ Christmas
Spectacular? There were ice skaters, there were
illuminated headpieces, there were 3-D glasses attached
to the program. Santa Claus was doing
pelvic thrusts, more than 70 leggy precision dancers grinned and shimmered in ethereal
high-kick splendor, and just when you thought it
couldn’t get any better, dancing dwarves took the
stage.

Any complaints I’d otherwise have about the extreme corniness factor were mitigated by the easily amused women behind me. Everything cracked them up, and that cracked me up, and all of us were happy:

Mrs. Claus: Where can Santa be? Haven’t we had any
word?

Elf: (Waving piece of paper.) This just came in from
Santa’s mobile fax!!

Knee Slappers: HAR! HAR! HAR!

Santa: Did we get all the letters?

Elf: Checked and ready, sir!

Santa: What about my email?

Knee Slappers: HAR! HAR! HAR!

See? Santa plus technology equals laff riot! Who knew?

12:44 p.m.


TRUTH IN ADVERTISING

There’s a tattoo parlor near my sister’s place called House of Pain. If I ever open a small business, I’m going to give it a similarly candid name. Perhaps a bikini-waxing salon called Torture Your Tenders. People appreciate honesty.

4:02 p.m.


MIDDLE AMERICAN GOODNESS

This weekend, I watched a documentary on the square dancing and clogging national championships. The voiceover narrative was priceless, “Dance Explosion has cause for concern. The Southern Belles are dancing so well, it’s almost supernatural.” Afterward a Lawnmower race came on.

Also, loved the “60 Minutes” segment on Thomas Kincaid, “painter of light.” Collector: “We have the wall of cottages and the wall of inspiration… ‘Petals of Hope,’ that’s one of my favorites.”

5:10 p.m.


WEB WISDOM

From Bucolic Front: “often i will talk about dealing with people in crisis or tumultuous relationship strife or any other variety of disturbance, and how strange it is to be around crazy people and how careful you have to be not to get any on you”

And Jeri also makes a good point: “Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn’t there the first time you need him, chances are you won’t be needing him again.”

11:35 a.m.