14th December 2001


How can I describe the
spectaculitude of the Rockettes’ Christmas
Spectacular? There were ice skaters, there were
illuminated headpieces, there were 3-D glasses attached
to the program. Santa Claus was doing
pelvic thrusts, more than 70 leggy precision dancers grinned and shimmered in ethereal
high-kick splendor, and just when you thought it
couldn’t get any better, dancing dwarves took the

Any complaints I’d otherwise have about the extreme corniness factor were mitigated by the easily amused women behind me. Everything cracked them up, and that cracked me up, and all of us were happy:

Mrs. Claus: Where can Santa be? Haven’t we had any

Elf: (Waving piece of paper.) This just came in from
Santa’s mobile fax!!

Knee Slappers: HAR! HAR! HAR!

Santa: Did we get all the letters?

Elf: Checked and ready, sir!

Santa: What about my email?

Knee Slappers: HAR! HAR! HAR!

See? Santa plus technology equals laff riot! Who knew?

12:44 p.m.