Josh Needs a Date

Josh is nice. Josh is available. I like him. Josh is in sight of earning his Ph.D at Berkeley in Genetics. He could engineer the perfect child. Pictured here is his winning smile. Also pictured, his exceptional abdomen. (Josh made me take down the picture of his exceptional abdomen. Boo.) Josh is embarrassed. See Josh blush. He plays soccer. Right now he is reading George Orwell’s biography. Well, not right now. Right now we’re getting drunk with a large group of friends. Later, Josh will read George Orwell’s biography. With keen interest. With intent. Josh is a man who reads with intent. You should date him if you are a girl who likes to date boys. E-mail Josh at datejosh@yahoo.com. I’ll pay for the date. (As long as the date is very, very cheap.) Hooray!

Actual Sky

From Beckian Fritz Goldberg’s “Being Pharoh”

Each time we fall out of love, we

say it wasn’t really love at all, as if,

landing, a plane would say no, not

actual sky.

Land That I Love

Slowdog says: In the Fry’s Electronics store in Palo Alto, the American flag hangs proudly over the porn section of the magazine rack. God bless America!

4:21 p.m.

Hot or Not, Live

Him: Did the National Gaurdsman kick the magnometer when you walked through?

Me: What?

Him: They do that to girls, especially pretty girls. They kick it to make it beep. We had to talk to them about it.

Me: You’re kidding me.

Him: Nope.

Me: Huh

Him: It didn’t beep when you walked through?

Me: No.

Him: Oh.

Holland House

Security Guard: Are you Dutch?

Me: No.

SG: Sorry, private party tonight. Only Dutch people.

Me: We’re Dutch.

SG: Go ahead then.

Dichotomy

Curling is so stupid that it actually angers me. Kettle Corn is delicious.

What Kate Says

Kate 1 has been trying on wedding dresses: An actual, living person just told me that this bra doesn’t hold my boobs high enough.

Kate 2 had an Amelie moment: Today I got real, honest gratification from peeling a Clemintine orange.

5:07 p.m.

GOOD WORD

Weltschmerz

The unhappiness of eternal disappointment in life as it is.

5:07 p.m.

I THINK WE;RE ALONE NOW

Tiffany is posing in Playboy. This makes me feel old and unclean.

3:39 p.m.

OLYMPIC INSULTS

Bryan is working at the Olympics. This is from his site:

Overheard Yesterday

How male skaters dis’ one another:

“Dude, you looked fat in Sports Illustrated”

3:29 p.m.

REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY

Me: My sister does this thing with her kids whenever they’re freaked out about something. Like my nephew will come up and say, “Mommy, I found a worm in my sandbox and it’s crawling all around. And she’ll say, Luckyyyyyy, like it’s something cool.

Him: Does it work?

Me: Yeah. The kids just get all self-satisfied and go back to what they were doing.

Him: I’m going to try that with clients. (gruff voice) The project is three weeks late. Luckyyyyyy.

5:03 p.m.