Peanut Butter Jelly Time

This email from my high school sweetheart says something complex about my teen years:

“Saw this and for some inexplicable reason, thought of you.”

All the Ladies

I wrote a very long Ladies Night excerpt for The Morning News. It’s a doozy.

Appetizing

Yesterday, I bought a grape nuts knockoff cereal called Crunchy Nuggets.

SAY CHEESE

Say, where would a girl go if she needed a pair of quality gold fangs for her next hot date?

Renting Movies in the Castro

Store Clerk: The white tags are DVD, the black tags are VHS. If you call at noon, we’ll do same-day reservations of all our Hollywood titles.

Me: Great, thanks.

(A few minutes later, on the street.)

Me: What do they mean, they’ll let you reserve the Hollywood titles?

Him: Didn’t you see the side room?

Me: No.

Him: They have a whole room full of boy-sex movies. Apparently they don’t let you reserve those in advance.

Me: I wonder why not.

Him: Probably too much trouble. They got one too many calls, Can I reserve that one with the two guys? Like, the one with the guy doing the other guy? The one with the big member?

Accomplishment

Heather says:

“Of all my accomplishments, of this I’m the most proud: #1 Google rank for penis envy.“

Eenie Meenie Miney Mo

A few lines from a poem I have never read. It was written by Spencer Short:

One need only stand in the aisle

marked Produce to understand how the wan light

obscuring the bruised fruit makes all

of our decisions more difficult.

THIS MORNING

A woman in a white Hazmat suit sprays down the sidewalk in front of the Castro theater.
The train smells like pepper.
A church sign reads, “Join us, pray for America.” Two men are seated on the steps below the sign. Their heads are bowed, hands in their laps. It takes me a moment to realize they’re sleeping.
A huge black garbage can overflows with blossoming branches.
A group of old women are talking on the sidewalk. The shortest one holds her cigarette like a joint.

A SMALL, GOOD THING

“We realize some of you may now defect, and while we wish you well, we also spit on your backs.” The Morning News just relaunched. Take a moment.

Lane is working on his 20 things project and needs help. He wants you to send him a short set of directions (walk until you see a tree, turn left, etc.), and when he gets to the end of your instructions, he’ll take a picture. Here’s the page with the details.

20 THINGS

I participated in the last 20 things swap. My artlet is the thumbnail in the top left corner. (I know I posted this awhile ago, but I took the link down because the site wasn’t officially open for the viewing public. Oops.)

Good Idea

Rarely is an organizational tool methodical enough to satisfy me. Jason Fried of Signal vs. Noise has done the trick with his new book collection organizer, Singlefile. Now I’m doomed to hours in front of the monitor typing in every good quote from every book I’ve ever read. (Via kottke.)

Value

Last night there was a woman on Antiques Roadshow who had very long hair. She had, in fact, never cut her hair. Perhaps unsurprisingly, this woman was fascinated with hair and hair-related products. She had a collection of jewelry that had been made from hair. Other people’s hair. The hair of dead strangers. As I wrestled with my gag reflex, the appraiser told her the collection was valued at $4,000 to $6,000.

Category: categories