So Bryan used to be an actor, which means that every once in awhile I find myself doing odd things, like spending the day being a reader for a regional theater company. A reader sits in a chair and reads the lines between the lines that the real actor needs to say.

Real actor: I have always been mad for you, Bernadette.

Reader: And-I-you-Johnny.

Real actor: Marry me!

Reader: I-couldn’t-possibly. You-know-how-daddy-feels.

And so on. Today I watched many talented actors audition for many roles. I learned that when the stage direction says to express frustration, one should not necessarily hurl oneself prone on the floor and wham at the stage with one’s fists. If one does that, it is unlikely one will receive a callback.

I am in desperate need of eight full, red skirts for our bridesmaids and groomspeople. I want something like this, but in a rich blue-red. Also, I’d like to keep them under $70 or so. I’ve had people suggest David’s Bridal, but I’m not so into the shiny fabric in combination with the shirts I picked. Any alternate ideas for me? Email: maggeh at yahoo dot com. Thank you, thank you.

Update: Wow! Thanks for the help. The consensus seems to be that I should have the skirts made and/or dyed. I’ve been told that it’s difficult to dye fabric to a true red, but I’ll do a little more research. I think it may just be easier to find a seamstress. Thanks to everyone that wrote to me.

Last night we decided to honeymoon in Asia. This is why. The $699 All Asia Pass includes roundtrip airfare right out of San Francisco and twenty-one days of free travel between seventeen cities. SARS be damned, I’d be on a plane right now if I didn’t have some cake tastings and dress fittings to tend.

Meanwhile, Bridesmaid dresses are getting less offensive (and more expensive) all the time.

Laura and I pass City Lights bookstore, which is hosting an apparently popular event.

Me: Who’s reading?

Laura: I think it’s Sam Shepard.

Me: What do you think, should I press my face to the window and do the blowfish thing?

Laura: Totally.

Me: Like, “Shep! What’s up Sheppppp!”

Laura: “Sammehh!” (Mimes banging on the window.)

Me: We should.

Laura: We totally should.

(We keep walking.)

Hours later we stop into Tosca for a couple of chocolate brandies. Sam Shepard is sitting in the booth next to ours. An hour or so later, he sits down at the bar facing us. Laura and I chat for a while longer, and then get up to leave. As we pass the bar, Mr. Shepard takes note.

Laura: Dude, Sam Shepard just checked us out.

Me: Yes, he did. Sam Shepard just gave us the up and down.

Laura: Ha!

Me: Awesome.

Laura: Damn.

Me: We should have bought him a drink.

Laura: I know! Why didn’t we?

Me: I don’t know. It would have been weird.

Laura: True. Damn.

While in Tuscany, Jeff successfully taught baby Evan to say “poop.” Evan learned other stuff too:

Bryan: I taught the boy not to touch cigarette butts when we were out walking yesterday, and now he’s shaking his finger at them and saying, “Dirty! Dirty! No! No!”

Janice: Yeah. He does the same thing to the bidet.

I’ve abandoned you, my pals. Over the last month, life has kept me incredibly busy, but I’ve had little access to the Internet. Now–for the first time in years–I have no record of my foibles and triumphs, which bites. And so, to recap, in the last month we:

• Flew North Carolina for Rosecrans and Rachel’s fabulous wedding.
• Took a beautiful road trip up to New York.
• Flew to Milan, Italy for the Adaptive Path workshop.
• Vacationed in Tuscany for a week with a group of lovely people.
• Flew back to New York so that I could meet with book agents and publishers (!) and visit our East Coast friends.
• Drove to Connecticut for Josh and Kayla’s fabulous wedding.
• Flew home to San Francisco.

We’re jet setters, baby. I’ll post the juicy details as we go along. Thanks, as always, for checking back in with me and for your emails while we were on the road. I missed you guys.