Lovely

Someone put soap in the Civic Center fountain. Wind lifted the bubbles and sent flurries into traffic.

Would That I Had Been a Badass

When I was fifteen, I was scouting the most advantageous lunch spot on the quad. I also spent a lot of time on my hair. I’ve got eleven years on Katie, and she’s still cooler than me. She says:

april 30 2002

Final proof that there’s no such thing as god, and also wishes don’t come true:

Today in the hallway Steven Fuckhead said “HI KATIE” to me and all his friends who were standing around laughed, so obviously he wasn’t hit by a bus and ground into little pieces like I asked.

april 25 2002

A funny joke:

Ed: I say old chap, knocke knocke!

Fred: Wha? Hullo, who might that be?

Ed: WHy I dare say it’s “orange” my good man!

Fred: Well I never. “Orange?” you say? “Orange” whom?

Ed: “Orange” you glad I’m only going to stab you in ONE of your eyes? Ah ha!

Fred: Dear me!

ps. This joke is funny because they have british accents

(via Anil)

Of Course

I was headed for a film festival, but had a dentist visit just before. He knocked around for a while and said, All set. Just don’t eat popcorn for a few weeks.

Things That Happen

When I was little, our kitchen sink had a bright light just above it. In the summer evenings, Mom would leave the back door open for air, and moths would come to knock stupidly against the light. One night, a moth flew into my momï¿½s ear while she was washing dishes. It was still alive, so she could feel it fluttering in panic as Dad drove her to the hospital to have it removed with an extra-long pair of tweezers.

After twenty years, thinking of this incident still provokes my gag reflex.

Small Truth

Caterina says:

“I’ve always been amazed that in the first moments of getting to know someone you see very clearly who they are, and then spend the rest of your relationship learning all over again what you knew in those first moments.”

Peanut Butter Jelly Time

This email from my high school sweetheart says something complex about my teen years:

“Saw this and for some inexplicable reason, thought of you.”

All the Ladies

I wrote a very long Ladies Night excerpt for The Morning News. It’s a doozy.

Appetizing

Yesterday, I bought a grape nuts knockoff cereal called Crunchy Nuggets.

SAY CHEESE

Say, where would a girl go if she needed a pair of quality gold fangs for her next hot date?

Renting Movies in the Castro

Store Clerk: The white tags are DVD, the black tags are VHS. If you call at noon, we’ll do same-day reservations of all our Hollywood titles.

Me: Great, thanks.

(A few minutes later, on the street.)

Me: What do they mean, they’ll let you reserve the Hollywood titles?

Him: Didn’t you see the side room?

Me: No.

Him: They have a whole room full of boy-sex movies. Apparently they don’t let you reserve those in advance.

Me: I wonder why not.

Him: Probably too much trouble. They got one too many calls, Can I reserve that one with the two guys? Like, the one with the guy doing the other guy? The one with the big member?

Synchronicity

I like Dave Eggers. As I’ve mentioned before, I subscribed to Might and McSweeny, I was among the hordes of subway riders who carried A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius on the commute, and I even attended a reading or two. When I heard he was starting 826 Valencia–a non-profit writing center for kids–I decided that Dave Eggers was certifiably swell. I also signed up to be a tutor. They called me in for an interview a few days ago, and I finally met Mr. Eggers.

For some reason, I was unprepared. I knew it was his project, but didn’t consider that I might see him there. He talked to me and two other tutors for about an hour, giving his take on the student-teacher bond and going through some sample writing. He had fantastic genius-hair, and seemed shy until he’d been talking for a few minutes. I listened and tried to seem more at ease than I was. On the way home, I thought about how weird it was to sit two feet from a guy whose work I’d been reading since I was 19. Then I realized my fly was open.