Author: maggeh

Very Berry

We head out for an after-work drink at a martini bar that keeps a slushy machine full of vodka mix. Bryan brings us Very Berry Martinis.

Me: Whoa. That’s strong.

Rachel: And sweet.

Me: Just like I like my men.

Rachel: Strong and sweet.

Me: And fruity.

World Watching

Gym soundtrack by iPod:

  • Old Navy shorts commercial: Missy Elliot’s “Work It.”
  • Yoga class: instrumental introduction of The Postal Service’s “Such Great Heights.”
  • Elliptical machines: “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” by the Tokens

Overheard: Fool License

Scenario: Two unclever strangers at the bar in mid-afternoon have a loud conversation across the room from one another. Each would like to impress the cute-girl bartender.

…I can’t believe that. It’s detestable.

Did you say testicle?

What?

Testicle?

Testimal?

No, testicle.

OH! No. I said detestable.

Ha. I like to say that sometimes. Testicle! Just slip it into the conversation and see if anyone notices.

I have a tendency to pop my head up over the edge of my cube and say, “has anyone seen my hands?” That one really gets ’em.

Huh. That’s a good one.

I like to, when I’m coding, you put something in the code that’s completely vulgar and disgusting and see if anyone catches it. That way you know if your code got reviewed.

Huh, I’ve never tried that. That’s a good one.

(Vulgar-code-comments guy turns to cute-girl bartender and addresses her in his best announcer voice. She responds.)

Well, it’s good to have you two in the bar. I’m Carlo, your host! Come by more often.

Wow. It’s not often we have a host.

I’m missing my white suit and plane overhead. And the running midget.

(Brief pause as she ignores him.)

I guess I should get to work drumming up some business for you.

Do. I give you full license.

I’m not fooling anyone.

No. Full. Full license. Like, I give you full authority.

Ohhhh.

Appatite

The menu reads, “Warm chocolate souffle with Italian wet nuts.” Bryan asks for particulars about the wet nuts. “Yeah,” the waiter mumbles. “I wish they would change that.”

Overheard: It’ll Pass

Scenario: Two girls chat on the sidewalk.

-What are you up to tonight?

-I have a date.

-With who?

-A guy I met at a party.

-The little guy?

-No, another guy.

-What party did you meet him at?

-Same party as the little guy.

-So you made out with the little guy, and then went home with some other guy’s number?

-I’m going through a phase.