The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown

The best parts of The Gifts of Imperfection, by Brené Brown:

“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others.” – Pema Chödrön

One of the greatest (and least discussed) barriers to compassion practice is the fear of setting boundaries and holding people accountable… This research has taught me that if we really want to practice compassion, we have to start by setting boundaries and holding people accountable for their behavior.

If we don’t follow through with appropriate consequences, people learn to dismiss our requests — even if they sound like threats or ultimatums.

The key is to separate people from their behaviors — to address what they’re doing, not who they are… That’s where we get into trouble. When we talk ourselves into disliking someone so we’re more comfortable holding them accountable, we’re priming ourselves for the shame and blame game.

When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help.

If we want to fully experience love and belonging, we must believe we are worthy of love and belonging.

Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us. Because this yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging, but often barriers to it.

Guilt = I did something bad.
Shame = I am bad.

Life paralysis refers to all of the opportunities we miss because we’re too afraid to put anything out in the world that could be imperfect.

Perfectionism is addictive because when we invariably do experience shame, judgment, and blame, we often believe it’s because we weren’t perfect enough.

Martin Luther King Jr. described power as the ability to affect change.

The Greek word for joy is chairo… “the good mood of the soul.”

The more entrenched and reactive we are about an issue, the more we need to investigate our responses.