Finalized

Hi, everyone. About a year ago I told you Bryan and I were separating. You left hundreds of comments on those posts and sent a host of emails. I mentioned this at the time, but it bears repeating: None of your notes was mean spirited. That still drops my jaw.

I’ve been writing online for twelve years now, and I’ve learned that emotional topics don’t always go over well. Divorce has affected so many of us, it’s a cultural raw spot. It can be easy to confuse the pain of someone touching an open wound with the pain of someone inflicting a fresh one. I expected some hurt, and even rage, to pepper the support here. In fact, I thought it was inevitable. So I braced myself before I hit post, and walked away for a few hours. The kindness I returned to was humbling.

All of us have seen people offload pain onto someone else online, or simply fail to consider the weight of their words. I so appreciate that no one here did that. Perhaps you had to hold your tongue, and if you did, I’d buy you a beer if I could. Your restraint saved me some downtime. To those of you who offered condolences, thank you again for your kindness.

I’m writing this because our divorce was recently finalized. Until the papers came, I hadn’t realized I was holding my breath, though I know it’s been obvious to some of you. What do you write about when most of what you’re thinking isn’t meant for public consumption?

That said, I’ve learned so much through this period, and I’ve spent a lot of time in crash position. (Growth. Ow.) Some of you have said you’re going through your own divorces right now, and oh kid, I know it’s awful. I wish I could wrap you up.

In the coming weeks, I’d like to talk about the helpful things people have said to you, some of the realizations you’ve had about the divorce or break-up process, and the coping mechanisms you’ve found useful. I think it’s good to have that information out there, and I trust you guys to keep it sane.

I also have good news to share. I’ve been snorzeling my kid (who is doing well, to my profound relief), and traveling, and making lists as usual. This has been the most difficult period of my life, but some time has passed, and the bad stuff is always mixed in with the good.

Through all of it, your grace as a community has been a comfort and a source of pride. Thank you again, everyone. You lend me honor.

107 thoughts on “Finalized

  1. Just want to say a gentle congrats on closure and new beginnings. I hope your time in Key B is restorative and a wonderful reminder of all who care and are grateful for you.

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  2. Hi, Maggie. Sorry that it ended this way for you guys. I’m divorced as well, and yup, it really stunk. And coming OUT of crash position is no picnic either. It’s hard to stretch the muscles back out after they’ve been balled up so long. Those are your next steps. 🙂 An internet hug and a cup of tea to you.

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  3. i don’t know what to say (sorry? thank you? oompa loompa?) maybe because I have been so little touched by divorce in my life (so fortunate, yes!)… so I look forward to you collecting the helpful things people have said to you and others during a divorce or break-up…

    and in the interim, I say continue to seize the day and own your moments… you remind me constantly to do the same for myself…

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  4. I started reading your blog in the middle of my divorce and your Might List was very inspiring and life affirming. Best energy warmth grace strength peace wishes to you. The book “Mom’s House Dad’s House” was very helpful for the emotional road map it gave. Yes, you have been holding your breath for a year and now it is a relief (do you throw a party or have a funeral? I felt like both), it is ok if there are still days that leave you fetal. There might be a few. The only way out is through, and grace waits on the other side.

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  5. Well played, Maggie. I admire your poise and grace in a time of great upheaval.
    I look forward to seeing what comes next …
    Thank you for being you.

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  6. So long since I have checked in on your site. My insomnia allowed me to happen upon this post. Your former partner in poster board crime sends you much love and huge hugs. I just love how your writing has evolved since I first met you. You really are a lovely, lovely writer and as others have previously said, this “Finalized” piece is extraordinary. You are a class act Miss Maggie. I wish you much love and joy in the days ahead.

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