Thank you, friends. You’ve made the last couple of days so much better than they would have been without you. Thank you for all of your support, for telling me you were holding my hand, hugging me, keeping me in your thoughts, for offering your guest rooms, hot water bottles, and shoulders. Most of all, thank you for making me feel safe enough to share things with you online. Here’s why that continues to be true.
All of you are part of a community that can leave more than 300 comments on an emotionally sensitive topic, and every last one of you offered support. Not a single comment increased the pain we’re going through — I didn’t have to use the delete button, no one ended up blocked, no one was even a little bit sarcastic. To a person, you have been incredibly gentle, and more gracious than I ever dared to hope.
Thank you for your kindness.
Mighty Girl 
You’re a good one, Maggie Mason. You always strike just the right tone on the page (screen?), which I’m sure extends to the real world.
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Oh sweets – be as good to yourself as you are to all of us.
I think of Louise Erdrich in times like these:”Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”
— Louise Erdrich (The Painted Drum)
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Hi Maggie – I’ve never commented before, but I have been reading for a while now. I just wanted to say how sorry I am for what you’re going through, and I’m glad you can have a safe place here to express yourself. Your blog is so wonderful, and you are definitely an inspiration.
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long time reader, but only commented once or twice…
I can’t stop thinking about your post. and you. and Hank. I am just so sad for you.
But you are also my hero. You are so brave. I have wished to do it but just don’t have the guts…
all my best to you and yours. xo
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I was saddened to read your news. I’ve never met you but have read your blog and admired you for a long time. I admit that my first thought was ::shocked face:: “Maggie and Bryan?! no way! they’re so perfect!” but such is life; ups and downs and all the bumps in between, I suppose. I admire your courage. I wish you comfort and strength as you navigate this new chapter. thank you for allowing me, a total stranger, to see a glimpse of your life and be inspired by all that you do. xo
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Kindness begets kindness. At least it should. So when you thank your readers, give yourself a pat on the back also for creating something that makes people (even the ones who generally only comment for a giveaway, ahem) want to reach out. If it weren’t totally stalker-y, I would offer to bring you some chocolate chip cookies when I’m visiting your fair city in April.
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Hugs from Malaysia. It WILL be ok. You really are MIGHTY Maggie. 🙂 Thank you for being an inspiration.
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Its really too bad the anal cream couldn’t make a difference in this situation. Given that I am sending ample helpings of peace, grace and compassion.
Love,
Jen
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Adding my voice to all the others: I’m terribly sorry you’re all having to go through such a thing. The internets knows good people when they see them.
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Maggie, I’ve never met you, but your news brought me to tears. I’m so sorry, and I hope you’re doing OK. Best wishes from Australia. xx
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I, too, was so, so sad when I read the news. My thoughts returned to it throughout the day. I almost felt silly for having such strong feelings for people I don’t even “know.” But now instead of silly, I’m proud. Proud to part of this inspiring community. Hugs to you, Maggie and fellow internet friends.
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Sending peace and warm wishes to you. Thank you for having the courage to share so much of yourself with us. You’re a blessing!
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Maggie, I meant to comment on your original post but my computer crashed and then I forgot…you know how it goes.
I just wanted to give you big virtual hugs if you want them, from someone who’s going through a divorce that most people never saw coming. I didn’t want it, I worked hard to not need it, and now I’m filing for it, and it sucks. But I hear it gets better, and I’m just trying to move through this with grace and not do anything I’ll regret.
(Okay, so my motto for the past year and the foreseeable future is “Don’t be stupid.” It helps sometimes.)
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I’m so sorry to read your news, Maggie. I’ve read your blog for a long time and often found it immensely inspiring. Now I’m inspired by the grace with which you wrote about your separation — I know it can’t have been easy.
I wish you all well for the future, and I know you’ll continue to shine.
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Long time reader – rare commenter here. I don’t know first-hand what you are going through – but reading your post the other day made me feel for you tremendously. As a child of a very friendly parental split, and seeing friends live through acrid ones – your focus on Hank and ability to see each other as great parents despite whatever else is going on is WONDERFUL. He is lucky to have such loving parents who have his well-being in mind.
I am sending massive amounts of good karma your way!
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Just praying for peace for you and your family. It is heartbreaking news — you always looked so gorgeous and happy together. Life — it’s so hard, huh? I know you will all three still be gorgeous and happy.
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Take whatever time & space you need to process & heal. Your readers and fans will always be here. Much love.
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Should you and Hank wish to try out Restaurant Week: Maine, the guest room in my Kennebunkport barn awaits! 🙂
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To Erin (comment 101), if you come back to read other comments, thank you for sharing that Louise Erdrich passage.
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I’m late to the bad news, but ugh, I’m so sorry. Good luck figuring this out!
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Wishing all of you comfort and peace.
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Maggie, you and Bryan come across as people who really try to be “good” people – good friends, good citizens, good colleagues, good parents. I hope you two can work out a way to be good co-parents, whether or not you continue on as a married couple. I’m sorry your family is going through this.
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Dear Maggie,
May your days be brighter and fuller and may you find peace in knowing that this too shall pass and the door ahead will take you to many joyous moments!
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Keep your chin up Mighty Girl! You have so many rooting for you!!
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Wishing you all the peace and healing this type of endeavor requires. I admire the fact that you and Brian are approaching this difficult and painful time with the perspective to put your future co-parenting selves, as well as Hank’s best interests, at the fore. You are a beautiful and inspiring person, Maggie, and I’m so glad I found your blog. I hope all of the positive comments come through as the virtual hugs they are surely meant to be.
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Hi Maggie,
If I could give you a cyberspace hug, I would–because coming to your blog for me, was the equivalent of that. I wish you strength and courage now and in the months to come.
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Another longtime lurker, another person so sad to read of your recent separation. I’m sorry, and I’m thinking of you and your family.
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That so many strangers, myself included, are saddened by your news is a testament to how well-regarded you are. We wish you well.
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Reading your blog has taught me many a lesson about living purposefully and with grace. So now, may I return the favor with some unsolicited advice? Remember that this does not mean that you were “wrong” when you married Bryan, or when you chose to have a child together. Remember that not even a painful breakup can negate all the love and goodness that you’ve shared. Remember to cut yourself some slack, to be honest with yourself, and to let yourself feel both pain and joy. Love and best wishes, we all have faith in you and Hank and Bryan.
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Much love.
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I was sent a link to your last post because separation is something that I’m just starting to go through. Best wishes and love to you and your family.
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Maggie, I am sorry for the pain you are experiencing. Even in the toughest times, please remember that you will emerge from this experience a woman of even greater depth and mightier might. I am holding you, Hank and Bryan in my thoughts and sending my warmest, gentlest wishes for the road ahead.
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I read somewhere that a divorce has less impact on the emotional life of a child than the post-divorce relationship between the parents does. In other words, a good relationship down the road will have a bigger impact on Hank than the fact that you split up. I have a hunch you and Bryan are the kind of people that will behave in such a way as to ensure Hank will turn out not only fine, but fantastic. Blessings on you all.
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I am so sorry. I echo what Kate (#128) said in her first line. Even though I don’t comment often, you are such an inspiration to me in a time when I am struggling to find myself. No matter what, you remain a Mighty Girl.
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Maggie,
I commented on the last post, but I just wanted to reinterate one thought, you are so loved.
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I’ve been a reader for years – not sure I’ve ever commented. I’m sad to read about your separation. Just wanted to send warm wishes in your direction.
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Authenticity, Organic Class, Humour, & Inspiration – These are the qualities that keep me coming back and lurking for more.
My best to you as you cobble your changes in your family. Thanks for your grace and bravery sharing about what is becoming in your life.
The thing about relationships, and life as an adult is that there are so many more grey areas than we ever suspected at the beginning – Which makes for wonderful, painful, complex lives- And we reach out ,and taste, and live, and sweat, and love, and cry – Mightily – Thanks for sharing some of this piece in your journey with the interwebs at large. ❤ ❤
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my heart hurts for you, maggie. it’s a raw time to be sure, but the outpouring of compassion and authentic reaction from the community you’ve lovingly built throughout the years, and with your wonderful blog, is beautiful. even in the worst of times, beauty lives. and so do you, in the most inspiring way. thoughts of peace, strength, and joyful well-being! xo tamara
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I’m going through the end of a long term relationship now, and Lord Jesus, it is just not fun. I’m wishing all three of you the very best.
Also, several years ago you gave a talk about blogging in Indiana, and one of your ppt slides read “plant what you want to reap.”
I think that particular slide is the key to why the atmosphere has been kind and supportive for you these last days.
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I’m another long term reader who never comments. I felt like I needed to reply on this one…it feels strange that I felt so terrible about hearing your news. I feel like I know you and your family but you have no idea who I am. Sometimes bad things happen to really good people and that seems to be the case here. Lots of hugs and don’t be afraid to fall apart a little bit–or a lot. You’ve got lots of shoulders to lean on. It will get better and you will shine. xo
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I think it’s a testament to you, this site and how you maintain your personal boundaries that the community of commenters here are so kind. The reality is that other bloggers sharing similar news may have received varying sorts of responses. But in this age of oversharing everything on blogs, Facebook and Twitter, you’ve always struck me as being able to maintain that perfect balance where your readers feel like they know you and yet, you don’t share many details of your personal life. Not many writers/blogges can do this. It’s a perfect balance indeed.
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Oh darlin’
Some days, when you need a good laugh, go here:
http://www.damnyouautocorrect.com. Sometimes it helps a little bit.
If you are going to SXSW with Hank, we should have a meet up at the local park that has a place for wine/beer awesome food (Central Market). My two boys (8 & 4) love, love it!
Sending you good thoughts in this difficult time.
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I’m a new reader of yours, so I really don’t know much of your story at all, but wanted to comment to say that I really admire your ability to be vulnerable and share during this difficult time and I’m encouraged to hear that your readers have responded with empathy and kindness… It’s truly a beautiful thing.
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Been reading your blog for years and though I don’t know you, feel as though I do at least a little. I’m very sorry for what you are going through right now. My thoughts will be with you.
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Dear Maggie,
I think we all think this: you help make our lives better and give us great tips to become better ourselves. If Anyone! deserves support..it’s you!
The only thing I can think to support you with is this …30 years ago when my parents split, not long after, my mother called me and told me of a moment that she’d had that day, when all in her life seemed dark and gloomy. She’d been taking a walk and was in a daze. There had been a small ice storm earlier and the landscape was cold and brittle, with snow and ice.
Suddenly she realized she’d been looking up toward a tree and noticed a reddish gold leaf encased in ice. The light shown right through it and it sort of glowed. She stopped and was mesmerized by the startling but delicate beauty and color of the frozen leaf.
As she continued on, an even more profound thought came to her…she realized that she’d stared at the leaf for a long couple of minutes and had not remembered to think of herself or her own life. She had mentally been swept away by the beautiful leaf. More importantly, she also realized that slowly, surely, her icy leaf moments would continue, grow longer…and that that calm space of simply looking at the beauty of a colored frozen leaf was a step toward…what? Healing? A new future? Or, just the mind as it moves slowly toward other beauties through a long future.
I know you know all this (you’re a smart girl!!)…but I look forward to when you “feel” your first beautiful icy leaf moment–if you haven’t already.
Best,
Cynthia
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Hi Maggie,
I started a new job and moved back to SF recently so I am way behind on reading my favorite blogs. This news saddens me. It’s always been clear from reading your site that you love your family so I am sorry to learn about the changes you are going through right now. But I also know that you will weather these storms with your usual grace, sensitivity and confidence.
Sending many virtual hugs your way,
Laura
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Maggie,
Good luck. Take heart.
Things will get better. They may get worse. They will be. And you will be.
You will be fine.
You have lots of love out there focused on you. And you and your little boy will make it through. From a single mom to someone going through a tough time, just remember to breathe.
xoxo
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When something you write make me laugh, or when you post something pretty that makes me think, “I should try/wear/eat/do that!” I have to remind myself that that this is blog, and that you’re not a girlfriend. Yet,
I tend to think of you as the girlfriend that helps me find my much cooler and funner (yep, FUNNER) self.
(I know, right? FUNNER is harsh.)
I hope that each day brings you more ease, and that someday you have a great big healing moment where you realize it will all work out. My moment came on a beach in Massachusetts. Maybe I’ll share it sometime…
For now, I’m sending all mightiest of good and healing vibes your way.
-Sarah
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I was very sorry to read your news. I’ve been reading your blog for a couple of years now, and I hope the positivity and vibrancy with which you inspire your readers sees you through and helps you. I wish you all well in weathering this difficult time. x
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I’m late to the comment game here, but just read your other post. I’m so sorry about that. I know how wrenching it is to go through a breakup and it’s even more so with a child.
I wish you all peace and grace through the whole process.
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