Thanks to You

23rd February 2011

Thank you, friends. You’ve made the last couple of days so much better than they would have been without you. Thank you for all of your support, for telling me you were holding my hand, hugging me, keeping me in your thoughts, for offering your guest rooms, hot water bottles, and shoulders. Most of all, thank you for making me feel safe enough to share things with you online. Here’s why that continues to be true.

All of you are part of a community that can leave more than 300 comments on an emotionally sensitive topic, and every last one of you offered support. Not a single comment increased the pain we’re going through — I didn’t have to use the delete button, no one ended up blocked, no one was even a little bit sarcastic. To a person, you have been incredibly gentle, and more gracious than I ever dared to hope.

Thank you for your kindness.

151 thoughts on “Thanks to You

  1. Ophelie

    Oh, that’s so wonderful. I don’t usually comment much on blogs, but I just love seeing the communities that online writing can create.
    Let me add to the love.

  2. Betsey

    Haven’t commented on the other post, but wow reading was a sock in the gut. I feel for you and your family. Separation and cessation of marriage is so difficult. You handled that post with grace & dignity. I am honored to be a reader. Reaping what you have sown is a lesson my mom drilled into me. This is evidence that what you have put out there is good

  3. Marianne

    I am a very, very bad commenter, but this warmed my heart. You all are in my thoughts during this hard time. You are really one of my role models, believe it or not.

  4. Katia

    So sorry to read your news. I don’t often comment, but thank you for sharing what must’ve been so difficult. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  5. Cat

    i’m so sorry that things are so hard for you right now. i hope that with time, you can all come to a new form of family, a new form of friendship. i wish you peace and happiness and patience.

  6. Meg

    That’s just lovely to read. I’m so glad everyone came through from you and snarky people stayed away. Sending you love.

  7. Cher

    It’s as if you’re walking around the deck of a ship in stormy seas, isn’t it? You feel off balance, disoriented and unable to focus. But, hear this, dear one, it gets better. Slowly, but surely. Promise. xoxo

  8. melissa

    The internet is so weird. I’ve read your blog for such a long time, don’t know you and yet am compelled to reach out to a total stranger and say, “it’s going to be ok.” I guess that’s what it means to be a fan.

  9. Jessi

    I don’t even know you but your last post saddened me to my core. I was so broken-hearted for your family. I want you to know I have prayed for all three of you. I prayed for healing (even if that means you don’t end up together) and strength and peace and that you’d be surrounded by love and support.

  10. Susan

    Hey Maggie,

    I’ve been sad and thinking about your story all day. Separation is hard. I have been there; there is no pain like it. :( I wish I could give you a hug and a stiff drink. I leaned on a couple of books during my transition; maybe they will help.

    When we separated, I didn’t know if we should really split up or not, and this book helped us make a decision. It’s called Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay.

    If things have already progressed past that point, and you know where you’re headed :(((, there is a wise book called Coming Apart: Why Relationships End And How To Live Through The End Of Yours.

    You’re being really brave right now. It is so hard to do the right thing sometimes.

  11. Elizabeth

    Maggie, I think all the adjectives you could use to describe your readers and their gentle, kind ways are directly related to all the adjectives people could use to describe you and your gentle, kind ways. You get back what you give, right? You’re the sort of person who has earned an unlimited amount of kindness coming your way.

  12. Samantha

    I’m happy that you got that much support from your community. Separation is something I couldn’t imagine going through. I’m so happy that you found comfort with us.

  13. Meg

    You have helped all of us so much over the years — more and more each year — starting with the Women’s Fashion guides & all the Etiquette over at The Morning News, then with the Might Life List, and most recently with getting one’s health in order — and I hope that we can offer at least a fraction of that assistance back to you. Stay well.

  14. Marja

    I was gobsmacked to read your earlier post and just wanted to reach out in some way to send my wishes for strength and equanimity during this painful time. You’ve clearly touched the lives of many people, and I count myself among the ones ready to send the good juju back at you.

  15. Kat C

    Hi Maggie,

    I’m a long time reader who comments from time to time and very much enjoyed sharing a few drinks with you a few years ago when you visited Vancouver. I wanted to let you know that I’m so sorry to hear about the hard times you and your family are going through. I also wanted to point you in the direction of a blog you probably already know about, but I thought I’d post it just in case:

    Laid off Dad and Ask Moxie have been writing about their experiences with co-parenting at

    Like I said, you’ve probably seen it, but just in case not, there it is. Take care of your sweet self!

  16. Michelle

    Aw, nuts. So sad this is happening to my favorite Internet pretend friend. I called and cried to my husband when I read the news – noooo not Maggie!

    I’ve long admired your verve, your nerve, the artful way you approach living your life and know these things will help sustain you. That and lots of love from slightly imperfect perfect strangers, of course. Best wishes for you all.

  17. Leslie

    Was so sad to read what’s happening in your life. Wishing you all the strength and compassion and patience that this will require. Glad to hear that you guys are trying to make the best of things. I hope you can find a good balance.

  18. Leah Sakamoto

    hi maggie,

    i have been reading your blog for a few years now. about 3-4 months ago i read your posting re: everyone going to ireland bc hank was upset at the prospect of the family being separated.
    this brought tears to my eyes – it is parallel to a level of devotion my parents have always exhibited.
    two weeks later, climbing the MUNI stairs at powell station, who do i encounter but bryan and hank.
    i couldn’t help but exclaim ‘you’re hank! i read your mom’s blog!’

    i am so sorry for the separation. i wish you the very best. if you would like an eternally optimistic southern girl to invade your house and make you the sickest mac n cheese EVER, let me know. i also know a ton of really bad/dirty jokes.


  19. Daffodil Campbell

    I am so glad that people showed the very best side of this lovely community you have created. I am sorry, and glad that you are working so hard to preserve a healthy parenting relationship. And please let me add my guest room (in Maui!) and hot water bottle to the list of places you can sleep and borrow a hot water bottle. (Sadly, it’s getting harder and harder to find someone with a good hot water bottle, n’est pas?) Lots of gentle hugs, and thanks for once again giving people a glimpse of what true classiness and elegance is all about. Bravo, darling.

  20. sara

    I don’t comment often, but I’m a longtime reader. Very sorry to hear this news, and much love and hugs and good wishes to you and your family.

    Music is very powerful for me, and I know, through reading your blog all these years, that it is for you as well.

    This song (and this artist) bring me comfort and strength when I’m feeling low. Here is my version of a virtual interwebby hug to you:

  21. Lindsay

    Hi Maggie,

    I am so sorry to hear your news. I told my husband this morning that the news of your split hit me like the news of a close friend and her husband divorcing even though I’ve never met you or even commented before. I’m so glad that you’ve found support here and we’ll continue to offer you a virtual hand to hold in the coming months. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  22. Andrea

    Maggie, you have give more to this community, your readers, than you can probably imagine. You deserve all the support, love, virtual hugs, shoulders, guest rooms, hot water bottles, glasses of wine, cups of tea, and just an ear to listen. Be good to yourself.

  23. Grammar Snob

    Saying I’m sorry seems empty, but I am. Please continue to write here…even if it’s not as much about your family…whatever you’re comfortable with. How ’bout a new Mighty Closet to take your mind off things? Sending good energy your way…all the way from Toledo.

  24. Daniella

    Hey Maggie,
    Wanted to say something on the last post but felt a bit shy and kept thinking how I would cope and how strong and grown up you are being.
    Anyhow, if visiting Australia is on your life list, Get over here! We have a nice big house near the beach in perth (western australia) and lots of boy toys and a pool! So come over anytime!
    Cheers m’dear

  25. mar

    Not a frequent commenter, but wishing all 3 of you the chance to find balance and an abundance of good will as you navigate your way to a new, happy, normal!

  26. Talya

    you shouldn’t be surprised at the heart-felt messages that you are receiving – you created this community & encouraged us to support each other through good times and bad. I had actually meant to comment yesterday, but didn’t know what to say… that’s no excuse.

    Sending you warm wishes (and I also recommend that stiff drink that someone else mentioned!) x.

  27. Leslie

    Hi Maggie,

    I didn’t get a chance to comment on the other post, but wanted to tell you how sorry I am that you are going through this.

    Be kind to yourself throughout this process.

  28. heather

    Maggie, I really really hope that you are doing okay. You are a constant source of positivity and inspiration to me. Hang in there, sister.

  29. Rachel

    I got divorced when my son was the same age as Hank is now. All I can say is do it your way. Don’t let anyone tell you what you should or shoudn’t do. I found that by doing it “my way” I left the marriage with respect for myself and a deep commitment to my son’s happiness. I know it sounds weird but in a way I’m grateful for the divorce. My son and I have a much different relationship (he’s 7 now) than we would of had otherwise. I feel the divorce liberated me from typical mom stereotypes and it’s been a very fun ride of digging in the dirt, playing basketball, sledding and many nights of Jedi fighting. It’ll be okay Maggie. Sending you lots of hugs and margaritas. Your “unknown” friend, Rachel

  30. Jessica

    You have to be the most mature person I’ve ever [not] met. I’ve always envied your verve, your spirit, your get-up-and-go. And now I really admire your approach to this whole thing, and to the world, and to your life. Really really, you’re the best. Thanks for the inspiration.

  31. ali

    Thanks to YOU, Maggie. For sharing this with us. I’ve been where you are (Things ended up working out for our family), but I remember feeling like I couldn’t tell anyone, for fear they would judge me, and look at ME like a failure. I think if I had been as brave and as open as you, that period in my life would have been a LOT easier! I’ve been thinking of you and your family quite a bit since your post. Odd, since I’m 3000 miles away, and a complete stranger, but you have fans, friends, and shoulders far and wide!

  32. Denise

    I’ve been a reader for years…you are one of my original blog crushes and continue to be. Sending lots of positive energy your way. Unfortunately, I’ve been there and I know how crushing all this can be but you WILL get thru it. You are a strong and amazing woman!

  33. Alice


    You inspire so much joy in so many that each of us should leap at an opportunity to give back to you. I was so sorry to read your news but am equally confident that you will be ok – more than ok. Thinking of you both.

  34. Sarah

    I just got remarried after being divorced for 8 years, and am the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. My kids are well adjusted and doing great.

    With love in your heart, and positive intentions, you can do no wrong. Be true to yourself and do right by Hank and everything will work out!

    Big hugs to you!

  35. jjzach

    I too had a heavy heart when I read your news this week. Thank you for always bringing out the best in all of us! Wishing you the best as you go through this sucky difficult time and beyond.

  36. Kim

    I am saddened by your news, but will send some of what you have given me back your direction. Even in the darkest moments when change seems overwhelming, you are being the opportunity of creating new dreams and goals that may allow you to become even greater than you previously dreamed.

    I am a believer that in ever aspect of life we are meant to teach and receive from those around us. I am happy that you have received so much kindness for you have taught so many of us how to dream big. I hope that as you emerge from the emotional fog you continue to dream big and remember support always surrounds you.

  37. Peggy

    Gentleness and grace – you deserve that, and so much more. And know that in the midst of sharing your pain and confusion, you are providing clarity and hope to so many others out here. Cheers to a bright future.

  38. Shannon

    Hi Maggie, I’m also delurking to say that I’m thinking of you and your family during this tough time. Your thoughtfulness, creativity, and generosity through this blog has been an inspiration to me, and I’m happy to read that the online community you’ve formed is living up to its best, lovely potential. Much love <3

  39. Piper

    Hi Maggie,
    I didn’t comment on your other post but I do want to express my support for you and your family. I have been a long time reader of your blog and have always admired your humor and grace. I hope that these and other wonderful traits will help guide you through this time. Hang in there, sister!!! We, your community, will be patient.

  40. Amanda

    Consider the comments a reflection of the approach to life you share with us here.

    Here’s hoping you happen upon a really awesome little conversation in a cafe that is so quirky you feel compelled to recount it in your mighty way!

  41. cousin Colleen

    Oh dear. The last few times I checked in we were still contemplating Anal Cream. A more lighthearted subject, to be sure.

    My heart is with you, Maggie. More than you know.

  42. Leah

    Maggie, the attitude here is just as much a reflection of you as it is of your commenters. You’ve cultivated an awesome, supportive, lovely community. Thanks for being one of the women “in my life” (I’ve been reading you for so many years!) that reminds me that we are all fabulous. It seems to me that it is far too easy for women to tear each other down . . . yet everything you write about is building us all back up together. You are a wonderful, positive force :-) Thank YOU.

  43. Melissa

    Maggie – I’m a rare commenter, but your blog brings cheer and fun to my day. Thank you for sharing such personal news with your audience…my thoughts are with you and Hank.

  44. Anna C

    Hi Maggie,

    I thought about you the other day because I went to the dentist (ugh)— a new dentist in a new country (Canada). Anyhow, I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. Everyone’s experience with divorce is so different, but I’ll tell you two things that helped with mine. I made a “It could be worse” wall where I stuck post-its with simple phrases like: Chinese coal miner or Russian submarine worker or mother of Justin Bieber. I put the post-its on the back of my front door, so that every time I had to go out into the world (i.e. stop crying, get dressed, etc) I would laugh. Also, don’t go down the divorce aisle in a bookstore. It’s miserable in there! I wrote a short story about my divorce (and my dentist!) because I couldn’t find anyone stories that dealt with the suck of divorce with humor. I’ll send you the book if you want.

    And, margaritas for breakfast never hurt anyone.

    Hang in there,

  45. sarah

    I’ve been thinking about you and your family. I’m sorry you’re having to be so strong and brave. But you don’t have to do it all at once. Baby steps – like maybe breathing in and out for starters.

  46. Kristina

    I honestly didn’t comment because I felt like “I’m so sorry” wasn’t really helpful, and I’ve never been divorced, and neither were my parents, so I didn’t think I had that much to add. But I am glad you know (or at least, were reminded of) how much your readers care for and about you and yours.

  47. Courtney

    I started to comment several times yesterday, but couldn’t think of what to say. You were on my mind all night, I’m just so sorry you are hurting.

  48. Zosia

    You’ve always been a bright spot on the web for me, and I send you lots of virtual hugs, tea, bourbon, loose-limbed joy and a really great cheese plate. I’ve been there (separation), and oh, it’s so achy and crushing and transformative, like you said. I wish you and your family all the best.

  49. Hope

    Add me to the list of people who were too timid initially to delurk. Delurking now b/c you and your family have been in my thoughts since I read your original Bad News post.

    I love this Louis L’Amour quote: There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.

  50. Tanya

    Chin up, girl! You have a world of people behind you who will give you a back rub – life can’t be that bad if that’s the case.

    And here is something that will cheer you up – http://www

    – 100 days, 100 songs, 100 locations, 100 dances :):)

  51. jen

    I have recently walked your path. I separated from my husband. We have worked at rebuilding our friendship. We keep our three year old daughter at the center of our decisions. We always treat each other with respect. While I still have moments of unbearable sadness, I feel confident that our daughter will be ok. She is loved beyond measure.

    I am sorry for the path you now walk. I am so glad you have such resounding support. It makes the decisions much more bearable and the pain slightly less intense. You display such kindness and gratitude through your blog, it is only right that you would receive the same in kind. Be at peace with your decisions. I am sending many good thoughts your way.

  52. Amy

    Darling Maggie,

    You are an inspiration to all of us who have read your blog over the years. I wish you and yours everything that is good and healthy–and joyful. You deserve nothing less.

  53. Erika


    I’m sure it has been said in one of the numerous comments already left but as a woman with a three year old currently going through the same situation as you (just not quite as amicably) my advice, for what it is worth, is lean on anyone who offers support, don’t be afraid to ask for help, cry when you need to cry, and get therapy, conventional or otherwise. This experience needs to be looked directly in the eyes to be tolerated.

    I enjoy reading about your life and will keep your entire family in my prayers.

  54. Erin

    Hi Maggie,

    It’s Erin. From Odeo days. I am @Noah ex-wife. I just heard about you and Bryan. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I wish you luck in the transition with your life and family. Separation/divorce is so hard even when it is the right choice for all involved.

    I know these things are a long time coming, I hope you are soon on the up-swing in healing and restoring yourself.

    I am moving to Prague is a couple of weeks with my new husband and baby. You (and Hank) are welcome to come visit and stay with me anytime in the next couple of years!


  55. abby

    I’ve been quietly lurking for years, enjoying your excellent writing and photos from afar. I’m so impressed by your bravery in broaching the topic to a very public forum, and it restores a little of my faith in humanity to know that so many people out there are offering kindness. Best wishes to you.

  56. Sharon

    Oh my. 7 years ago I was bored at work and somehow found your blog to lighten my day. I wish you and your family the best. Whatever happens don’t lose your terrific sense of humor!

  57. Your Friend

    I have never written before, but love your blog, listen to your music and look up to you in many ways. In short, I feel like I know you.

    All I can say is….ummmm, me too. I am going through the same thing. Separated, lost and scared, it totally sucks. The good thing is, I am moving closer to, rather than farther away from, who I want to be and the life I want to live. That is THE ONLY THING I know completely. Also, the only truth that helps when I feel like I have lost my direction completely.

    This might not be on your list Maggie, but I think it is fair to say that living authentically and touching life fully are intrinsic to the purpose of this site.

    You are brave because of these pursuits and accepting the reality of the unexpected are the tasks that call upon our courage most. So feel the hurt and sorrow and let it mold you into the form you have been moving toward for a long time, because you are strong enough to handle it.

    Thank you for the vulnerability you have offered all of us with this blog.
    It is a great gift, the best gift…the gift of oneself.

    Your Friend

  58. Kath

    I have been a follower for a few years now, and I’m a huge fan of yours. Your family seems so very sweet and smart, and it’s so obvious that you adore your child, which makes me want to be your friend. I felt very weird about how sad I was after reading that you’ve separated, but just because I’ve never met you doesn’t mean I don’t care what happens to you. Thank you for sharing your ups and your downs. Your honesty and willingness to share not just your best side is one of the reasons I admire you so much.

    Wishing you health and happiness in all your years to come.

  59. robin

    Maggie, I’m only an occasional reader, but I’ve enjoyed your contributions on Momversation in particular, and when I saw the link on Alice Bradley’s Redbook blog, I wanted to check in. Thank you for sharing your experiences with so many; there are many of us out here who are experiencing what you are, and often without many friends who have been through it. It’s so helpful and comforting to see a woman who is clearly smart and thoughtful and caring find herself in the same boat I’m in, feeling the same sense of bewilderment. I truly wish you and your family the best, and I want to thank you for helping me, and I’m sure many others, feel less alone.

  60. cousin Colleen

    I think I can safely say that much of who you are and who you’ve become is because, unknown to many, you’ve already been through hell and back and survived it with an enviable humor and grace. (Even as a toddler, you were already a strong soul with wisdom beyond your years.)

    If anyone can weather this new storm and come out better and stronger on the other side, it’s you, Maggie. You’ve obviously garnered the love and well-earned respect of many. I think folks are about to learn just how mighty you can be.

    Love by the bushels full to you, Hank and Bryan

  61. Jacinta

    Hi Maggie,
    I’m sorry I’m a little late posting a comment. I read your previous post and my heart sank. We’ve never met, and I never comment, and I felt as sad for you as I would a close friend. (The power of internet, n’est ce pas?)
    You and your family are in my thoughts… May all the good you’ve done come back to you in a million little ways!

  62. Pam

    I admire your bravery for opening up about a very private matter. It makes me happy to see all the good people in the world reaching out.
    Hugs to you and your fam.

  63. Chrissie

    So, so sorry to hear this… Even though we have never met, I feel like I have gotten to know you pretty well over the years, and I just wish there was something I could say or do to help you right now… Most of all, I am glad to hear that you and Brian are being so amicable for both Hank’s sake and your own… It comes as no surprise that you are handling yourself with the utmost grace… ::hugs::

  64. Tamara

    I am a long time reader and a rare commenter. I am so sorry to hear this and will be thinking of your family.

  65. wen

    If you set a tone of caring and compassion and humor on your blog / in your community then when something hard and emotional comes up, that’s how people will react–with the same caring they have seen here in general.

  66. ranger

    I was thinking how odd it was to feel sad about someone’s divorce when we’ve never met, and yet, I do feel sad. I’m very sorry and I know it will take a while to feel good again, but I look forward to reading about it when you do.

  67. DeLurker DeLuxe

    Hi Maggie,

    I’m yet another lurker, delurking to say I, too, am sorry. You’ve been an inspiration and a source of fun & style to me! Thanks for being vulnerable and reaching out your community for support. What a shining example for others who may need help, but are afraid to ask.

    Thanks for all you do! If it weren’t so unsanitary, I would totally be sending a roll of chocolate chip cookie dough your way (the cure for the common sad).

  68. Nell

    Even more support coming your way. Sorry to hear the news. Good thoughts and best wishes to you and the rest of the family. Thanks for sharing.

  69. Rachel

    Ms. Maggie, I’m so sorry. We don’t know each other but I adore you and you’ll get through this. You are always welcome to see me and my friends in Seattle. We have fun, drink too much, yell too much, and have a blast all the while. Karaoke is on Thursdays!

  70. Jennifer

    I was driving to pick up my daughter yesterday, thinking of you. How odd, I thought, to be driving in Fargo and thinking of a woman I’ve never met. But it didn’t feel odd, and I hope you are as well as you can be right now. Blessings.

  71. kelly

    you can add me among the many who are holding you and your family close in thought and sending much love. as someone who married around the same time as you and bryan, whose parents split when i was four, i’ve thought of you often in the past couple of days. if i see you around (i’m a sf local), the next drink’s on me. hang in there, lady.

  72. amie

    Maggie, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been there, and written the “We’re friends and parents” blog post, and I remember it as among the hardest things I had to do in that long, sad time. So while you’re being gracious and strong for Hank and your dignity, be sure to spend time with friends who will let you vent out whatever you need to. Be sure to keep up with the things you know make you feel good, and know that your posts about acupuncture and exercising have made an impact on a lot of people’s lives. Be sure to ask for help when you need it, and to laugh at the crazy parts of life’s transitions, and to know in your heart of hearts that you are an amazing, beautiful, wonderful person and that in the end, all will be well. We’ll be here for you in the small way that we can.

  73. Liv

    Delurking to say I’m so sorry that you and your family are going through such a difficult time. Thank you for your generosity in sharing this with us. Best wishes to you all the way from Melbourne, Australia.

  74. Sarah

    I remember reading your TMN fashion & etiquette columns (yes I’ve been lurking that long) as a clueless college student, with amusement but also in earnest.

    I can’t say that I ever ended up mastering gentility or even elegance, but I did get the message about what courtesy means, the feelings it can represent, and the genuine bonds that it can sustain.

    You make people want to be happier, and you inspire people to invest in the things they care about. Thank you! We also care about you. Take your time and we’ll be here!

  75. Ainsley

    You deserve nothing less than kindness and support, especially since over the years I’ve been reading your writing, that’s all I’ve ever seen you give to others. I wish you strength and courage, Maggie. The best is yet to come…

  76. Mariam

    Maggie, wishing the best to you and your family, because that is what the three of you will always be, no matter what happens. I have the utmost faith that you and Bryan will continue to provide a rich, stimulating and loving life for little Hank, full of travel and adventure. I’ve always been impressed by your intelligence, style and elegance, as well as a certain strength I have sensed underneath your lovely exterior. From what you have written about Bryan, he is an intelligent, sensitive and highly devoted father. I’m sorry to hear this sad news but I know you will both persevere and get through this difficult time. Thank you for sharing your news with us, your readers, and for providing such an enlightening and engaging site for so many years.
    All the best to you.

  77. jen

    It definitely made my heart hurt to hear your news, but also am immensely impressed at how you have handled yourself on your blog in discussing this, and other matters. You’ve maintained your personal boundaries even while discussing intimate topics (like the one about your health challenges). As a result, you’ve created an atmosphere that has encouraged grace and support, and I admire that a lot.

  78. a.

    Hi Maggie,
    I’m another person you don’t know who has admired your work and your spirit for years. I thought I spotted you in the crowd once at Alameda, and it was exciting not just because you’re my internet hero, but because I was in San Francisco and at Alameda because of the life list I made that was inspired by you.

    I’ve thought about you and cried for you in the last few days, and I am sending you all the strength I can. You are wonderful. Stay strong.

  79. Marisa

    You’re a good one, Maggie Mason. You always strike just the right tone on the page (screen?), which I’m sure extends to the real world.

  80. Erin

    Oh sweets – be as good to yourself as you are to all of us.

    I think of Louise Erdrich in times like these:”Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”
    — Louise Erdrich (The Painted Drum)

  81. Carly

    Hi Maggie – I’ve never commented before, but I have been reading for a while now. I just wanted to say how sorry I am for what you’re going through, and I’m glad you can have a safe place here to express yourself. Your blog is so wonderful, and you are definitely an inspiration.

  82. keagansmom

    long time reader, but only commented once or twice…
    I can’t stop thinking about your post. and you. and Hank. I am just so sad for you.
    But you are also my hero. You are so brave. I have wished to do it but just don’t have the guts…
    all my best to you and yours. xo

  83. ell.uu

    I was saddened to read your news. I’ve never met you but have read your blog and admired you for a long time. I admit that my first thought was ::shocked face:: “Maggie and Bryan?! no way! they’re so perfect!” but such is life; ups and downs and all the bumps in between, I suppose. I admire your courage. I wish you comfort and strength as you navigate this new chapter. thank you for allowing me, a total stranger, to see a glimpse of your life and be inspired by all that you do. xo

  84. Amber

    Kindness begets kindness. At least it should. So when you thank your readers, give yourself a pat on the back also for creating something that makes people (even the ones who generally only comment for a giveaway, ahem) want to reach out. If it weren’t totally stalker-y, I would offer to bring you some chocolate chip cookies when I’m visiting your fair city in April.

  85. Jen Diamond

    Its really too bad the anal cream couldn’t make a difference in this situation. Given that I am sending ample helpings of peace, grace and compassion.


  86. Kate

    Adding my voice to all the others: I’m terribly sorry you’re all having to go through such a thing. The internets knows good people when they see them.

  87. KT

    Maggie, I’ve never met you, but your news brought me to tears. I’m so sorry, and I hope you’re doing OK. Best wishes from Australia. xx

  88. Jen

    I, too, was so, so sad when I read the news. My thoughts returned to it throughout the day. I almost felt silly for having such strong feelings for people I don’t even “know.” But now instead of silly, I’m proud. Proud to part of this inspiring community. Hugs to you, Maggie and fellow internet friends.

  89. Debra

    Sending peace and warm wishes to you. Thank you for having the courage to share so much of yourself with us. You’re a blessing!

  90. tirzah

    Maggie, I meant to comment on your original post but my computer crashed and then I forgot…you know how it goes.

    I just wanted to give you big virtual hugs if you want them, from someone who’s going through a divorce that most people never saw coming. I didn’t want it, I worked hard to not need it, and now I’m filing for it, and it sucks. But I hear it gets better, and I’m just trying to move through this with grace and not do anything I’ll regret.

    (Okay, so my motto for the past year and the foreseeable future is “Don’t be stupid.” It helps sometimes.)

  91. Diane

    I’m so sorry to read your news, Maggie. I’ve read your blog for a long time and often found it immensely inspiring. Now I’m inspired by the grace with which you wrote about your separation — I know it can’t have been easy.
    I wish you all well for the future, and I know you’ll continue to shine.

  92. Amber

    Long time reader – rare commenter here. I don’t know first-hand what you are going through – but reading your post the other day made me feel for you tremendously. As a child of a very friendly parental split, and seeing friends live through acrid ones – your focus on Hank and ability to see each other as great parents despite whatever else is going on is WONDERFUL. He is lucky to have such loving parents who have his well-being in mind.

    I am sending massive amounts of good karma your way!

  93. Elizabeth_K

    Just praying for peace for you and your family. It is heartbreaking news — you always looked so gorgeous and happy together. Life — it’s so hard, huh? I know you will all three still be gorgeous and happy.

  94. suzy

    Take whatever time & space you need to process & heal. Your readers and fans will always be here. Much love.

  95. Megan G.

    To Erin (comment 101), if you come back to read other comments, thank you for sharing that Louise Erdrich passage.

  96. Maureen

    Maggie, you and Bryan come across as people who really try to be “good” people – good friends, good citizens, good colleagues, good parents. I hope you two can work out a way to be good co-parents, whether or not you continue on as a married couple. I’m sorry your family is going through this.

  97. Jordan

    Dear Maggie,
    May your days be brighter and fuller and may you find peace in knowing that this too shall pass and the door ahead will take you to many joyous moments!

  98. Rebecca

    Wishing you all the peace and healing this type of endeavor requires. I admire the fact that you and Brian are approaching this difficult and painful time with the perspective to put your future co-parenting selves, as well as Hank’s best interests, at the fore. You are a beautiful and inspiring person, Maggie, and I’m so glad I found your blog. I hope all of the positive comments come through as the virtual hugs they are surely meant to be.

  99. Matilda

    Hi Maggie,
    If I could give you a cyberspace hug, I would–because coming to your blog for me, was the equivalent of that. I wish you strength and courage now and in the months to come.

  100. Allison

    Another longtime lurker, another person so sad to read of your recent separation. I’m sorry, and I’m thinking of you and your family.

  101. Mary

    That so many strangers, myself included, are saddened by your news is a testament to how well-regarded you are. We wish you well.

  102. Kate

    Reading your blog has taught me many a lesson about living purposefully and with grace. So now, may I return the favor with some unsolicited advice? Remember that this does not mean that you were “wrong” when you married Bryan, or when you chose to have a child together. Remember that not even a painful breakup can negate all the love and goodness that you’ve shared. Remember to cut yourself some slack, to be honest with yourself, and to let yourself feel both pain and joy. Love and best wishes, we all have faith in you and Hank and Bryan.

  103. Sprinkle

    I was sent a link to your last post because separation is something that I’m just starting to go through. Best wishes and love to you and your family.

  104. Kayzie

    Maggie, I am sorry for the pain you are experiencing. Even in the toughest times, please remember that you will emerge from this experience a woman of even greater depth and mightier might. I am holding you, Hank and Bryan in my thoughts and sending my warmest, gentlest wishes for the road ahead.

  105. Mallory

    I read somewhere that a divorce has less impact on the emotional life of a child than the post-divorce relationship between the parents does. In other words, a good relationship down the road will have a bigger impact on Hank than the fact that you split up. I have a hunch you and Bryan are the kind of people that will behave in such a way as to ensure Hank will turn out not only fine, but fantastic. Blessings on you all.

  106. Maria

    I am so sorry. I echo what Kate (#128) said in her first line. Even though I don’t comment often, you are such an inspiration to me in a time when I am struggling to find myself. No matter what, you remain a Mighty Girl.

  107. Christy

    I’ve been a reader for years – not sure I’ve ever commented. I’m sad to read about your separation. Just wanted to send warm wishes in your direction.

  108. Ms. B.

    Authenticity, Organic Class, Humour, & Inspiration – These are the qualities that keep me coming back and lurking for more.

    My best to you as you cobble your changes in your family. Thanks for your grace and bravery sharing about what is becoming in your life.

    The thing about relationships, and life as an adult is that there are so many more grey areas than we ever suspected at the beginning – Which makes for wonderful, painful, complex lives- And we reach out ,and taste, and live, and sweat, and love, and cry – Mightily – Thanks for sharing some of this piece in your journey with the interwebs at large. <3 <3

  109. tamara

    my heart hurts for you, maggie. it’s a raw time to be sure, but the outpouring of compassion and authentic reaction from the community you’ve lovingly built throughout the years, and with your wonderful blog, is beautiful. even in the worst of times, beauty lives. and so do you, in the most inspiring way. thoughts of peace, strength, and joyful well-being! xo tamara

  110. K8

    I’m going through the end of a long term relationship now, and Lord Jesus, it is just not fun. I’m wishing all three of you the very best.

    Also, several years ago you gave a talk about blogging in Indiana, and one of your ppt slides read “plant what you want to reap.”

    I think that particular slide is the key to why the atmosphere has been kind and supportive for you these last days.

  111. Amy

    I’m another long term reader who never comments. I felt like I needed to reply on this one…it feels strange that I felt so terrible about hearing your news. I feel like I know you and your family but you have no idea who I am. Sometimes bad things happen to really good people and that seems to be the case here. Lots of hugs and don’t be afraid to fall apart a little bit–or a lot. You’ve got lots of shoulders to lean on. It will get better and you will shine. xo

  112. Deirdre

    I think it’s a testament to you, this site and how you maintain your personal boundaries that the community of commenters here are so kind. The reality is that other bloggers sharing similar news may have received varying sorts of responses. But in this age of oversharing everything on blogs, Facebook and Twitter, you’ve always struck me as being able to maintain that perfect balance where your readers feel like they know you and yet, you don’t share many details of your personal life. Not many writers/blogges can do this. It’s a perfect balance indeed.

  113. Joyce

    Oh darlin’

    Some days, when you need a good laugh, go here: Sometimes it helps a little bit.

    If you are going to SXSW with Hank, we should have a meet up at the local park that has a place for wine/beer awesome food (Central Market). My two boys (8 & 4) love, love it!

    Sending you good thoughts in this difficult time.

  114. nikkiana

    I’m a new reader of yours, so I really don’t know much of your story at all, but wanted to comment to say that I really admire your ability to be vulnerable and share during this difficult time and I’m encouraged to hear that your readers have responded with empathy and kindness… It’s truly a beautiful thing.

  115. Amy

    Been reading your blog for years and though I don’t know you, feel as though I do at least a little. I’m very sorry for what you are going through right now. My thoughts will be with you.

  116. Snithia

    Dear Maggie,

    I think we all think this: you help make our lives better and give us great tips to become better ourselves. If Anyone! deserves’s you!

    The only thing I can think to support you with is this …30 years ago when my parents split, not long after, my mother called me and told me of a moment that she’d had that day, when all in her life seemed dark and gloomy. She’d been taking a walk and was in a daze. There had been a small ice storm earlier and the landscape was cold and brittle, with snow and ice.

    Suddenly she realized she’d been looking up toward a tree and noticed a reddish gold leaf encased in ice. The light shown right through it and it sort of glowed. She stopped and was mesmerized by the startling but delicate beauty and color of the frozen leaf.

    As she continued on, an even more profound thought came to her…she realized that she’d stared at the leaf for a long couple of minutes and had not remembered to think of herself or her own life. She had mentally been swept away by the beautiful leaf. More importantly, she also realized that slowly, surely, her icy leaf moments would continue, grow longer…and that that calm space of simply looking at the beauty of a colored frozen leaf was a step toward…what? Healing? A new future? Or, just the mind as it moves slowly toward other beauties through a long future.

    I know you know all this (you’re a smart girl!!)…but I look forward to when you “feel” your first beautiful icy leaf moment–if you haven’t already.


  117. Laura

    Hi Maggie,

    I started a new job and moved back to SF recently so I am way behind on reading my favorite blogs. This news saddens me. It’s always been clear from reading your site that you love your family so I am sorry to learn about the changes you are going through right now. But I also know that you will weather these storms with your usual grace, sensitivity and confidence.

    Sending many virtual hugs your way,

  118. Suzanne

    Good luck. Take heart.
    Things will get better. They may get worse. They will be. And you will be.
    You will be fine.
    You have lots of love out there focused on you. And you and your little boy will make it through. From a single mom to someone going through a tough time, just remember to breathe.

  119. Sarah

    When something you write make me laugh, or when you post something pretty that makes me think, “I should try/wear/eat/do that!” I have to remind myself that that this is blog, and that you’re not a girlfriend. Yet,
    I tend to think of you as the girlfriend that helps me find my much cooler and funner (yep, FUNNER) self.

    (I know, right? FUNNER is harsh.)

    I hope that each day brings you more ease, and that someday you have a great big healing moment where you realize it will all work out. My moment came on a beach in Massachusetts. Maybe I’ll share it sometime…

    For now, I’m sending all mightiest of good and healing vibes your way.


  120. Rose

    I was very sorry to read your news. I’ve been reading your blog for a couple of years now, and I hope the positivity and vibrancy with which you inspire your readers sees you through and helps you. I wish you all well in weathering this difficult time. x

  121. fredlet

    I’m late to the comment game here, but just read your other post. I’m so sorry about that. I know how wrenching it is to go through a breakup and it’s even more so with a child.
    I wish you all peace and grace through the whole process.

  122. Erika

    I’m so sorry for you, your ex, your baby boy, your extended family and anyone else who loves you all and will be affected by this. I hope this transition is as smooth and easy as this possibly can be.


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