Bad News

22nd February 2011

Hi everyone, I have some painful news. I’ve resisted writing this because it feels so final, but here goes. Bryan and I are separated.

I know this will come as a surprise to many of you, as it has to some of our friends. We’re both of the fine, thanks! camp, which is ideal for soldiering on, but confusing when your eyes well up.

Hank is doing well, we both get to see him every day, and Bryan and I are working on rebuilding a friendship. Bryan continues to be an amazing dad, and he will always be family. In addition to Hank, we still share a group of supportive, understanding friends, so please don’t be confused if he shows up in photos now and again. We’re both trying to be grownups.

Thank you to those of you who have sent concerned emails about my occasional absences lately. I feel less dazed every day, but I still start when I notice the space where my wedding ring used to be. I so regret not having the emotional resources to do my best work here lately. I’m sorry about that, and I hope you’ll give me a chance to make it up to you.

I’ve written a lot here about my dreams, and though this wasn’t part of my dream for my family, it has certainly been transformative.

In the last week or so I’ve finally felt solid enough to put together a plan, and while I still have all kinds of things I want to do, I’m also thinking more about how I’d like to feel and what I’d like to give. So let’s talk about all that good stuff in the coming week.

In the meantime, I owe you thanks for having been such a positive force in my life over the years. Thanks for being here with me in this upsetting time, just as you’ve celebrated with me in the happy moments. For those of you who are going through something difficult, I hope I can make you feel a little less alone too.

Here’s to more joy in all of our futures.

344 thoughts on “Bad News

  1. Sierra

    I have recently become a daily reader of your blog and I am oh so smitten with it!

    I just wanted to comment on your separation as I’ve been there myself. The change and the little thinks (I still sometimes have phantom wedding band syndrome…6 years later!) seem like such a shock at first but, pardon the cliche, it gets easier every day. Yay for new beginnings!!

  2. Kate

    Maggie, Thanks for being so willing to share your highs and lows with us over the years. I hope that the future brings many more highs and that you begin feeling less of the lows in the days ahead. You’ve given us so much, please let us know what we can give you.

  3. Amanda

    Maggie, I’m sending you and Hank lots of love at this difficult time. You’re a hero, and I know you’ll get through this. You do, too.

  4. Heather

    I have been a reader for years and so these blogs have a way of us feeling connected to you and your life even though we have never corresponded directly. I am sorry to hear of your difficult transition. You and your family are in my thoughts.

  5. Lisa

    I’m one of those readers who never comments, but I just wanted to say I’m so sorry. It’s a testament to the intimacy and warmth of your blog that this news hit me as if it was my college roommate sending me an email with the same sad news. You are in my thoughts.

  6. Spring

    Oh, I’m sorry, love. I went through a separation two years ago, and I’m currently going through a divorce. It’s hard, but if you have good, mature, emotionally healthy friends, that makes all the difference. And there’s always Lexapro, which was my saving grace. :) And then there’s new hope and new steps and new lessons and new apartments and new love.

  7. Pam

    I’m so sorry, Maggie – but here’s to friendships and family. And perhaps “rebuilding”, while a painful theme for 2011, will bring something wonderful for all of you. Something Mighty. xo

  8. Andrea S-H

    My heart sank at this news as a long-time reader of your life. There are no words to help, but I hope that you will continue to live in your vibrant, fashionable, and (most of all) beautiful way in light of these changes. Be good to yourself.

  9. Audrey

    I never, well at least, rarely comment – but wanted to stop by and just say .. well, love.

    <3 <3 <3 – and many hugs and good things.

  10. Amy

    As someone who has been there, I will be sending you all my good thoughts and wishes. I know it can be a terribly confusing and strange time. Know that so many people will be cheering you on. From the business and site you’ve built, it’s clear you’re a strong, amazing person.

  11. Melissa

    I’m a long time reader and very rare commenter. I just want to say how terribly sorry I am for you and your family. I’ll be thinking good thoughts for you and really do wish all of you the best. Take care and be kind to yourself.

  12. Kristin

    I’m so sorry to hear this, Maggie, and you’re in my thoughts. Stay well as you face all these changes, and know that something else is always down the path.

  13. Mary

    Hugs from one of the many total strangers who adores your blog & your writing! You are loved by many, and we are all cheering for you.

  14. Susie

    I hope it gives you comfort to know that you have a lot of readers (lurkers like me, in addition to regular commenters) who are sending good thoughts out to you and Bryan and Hank. Best wishes to you during this new phase of your lives.

  15. carly

    I’m so sorry to hear this Maggie; you’re right, may there be more joy in your future. and there will be. absolutely.

  16. Roxanne

    I first came here when I heard about your Life List, which has been inspiring in many ways. I have enjoyed your posts and have been heartened by your appetite for life and vivaciousness. I am sorry that this is a difficult time for you and hope you emerge on the other side full of ideas, hope and the desire to build anew. Thinking of you.

  17. ella

    sending love and support your way, m. in a similar, but further along, situation with a son the same age as h. we’ve been fortunate to find a positive way forward, and i hope things go as smoothly for you as they can.

  18. Rachel P.

    I am another long-time lurker (2007!) but wanted to come out of the shadows to say that I love the blog and am sending support and patience and grace to you and your newly structured family.

  19. Kate S.

    I’m fairly new to your blog readership, but I am oh, so, attached. I’m sorry to hear of your difficulties. I’ll think of you often today.

  20. Nicole

    I’m with Heather in that I feel very connected to you from reading your blog all these years, even though I’ve never met you in person and have never even commented before. I’m so sorry to hear this news – you, Bryan and Hank are in my thoughts. Wishing all three of you peace and love through this process.

  21. R

    My husband and I went to our first counseling appointment on Saturday, and were faced with the question of where we want our relationship to go. Things have been hard lately. It’s such a scary, overwhelming feeling, contemplating separation. I am thinking of you today, and hoping for all things good for both you and Bryan and for Hank.

  22. Samantha

    I’m very sorry for you both. It may not seem like it now, but endings can bring around beautiful beginnings with new dreams and adventures. I will keep you both in my thoughts.

  23. M

    Hello Maggie. I’ve never commented, but I’ve loved your uplifting view to life.

    I’m sorry that you’re going through a rough time, but perhaps it’d help if I shared that I separated too, five years ago, and the single parent only child home because just magical over time. My dreams now are bigger than they ever were before and the possibilities are even more limitless.

    Here’s to your beautiful, unexpected future!

  24. Alexandra

    Maggie – My deepest sympathies to you, I am so very sorry. As someone who has been in the same place, I hope you know that like a lot of really tough experiences, you will feel good again and have that lightness back in your step. And you have that beautiful little boy to enjoy everyday–the best present! -Alexandra

  25. Sarah T.

    Isn’t it funny how bloggers become like friends? When I want to tell people about something I’ve read, I’m often tempted to say “one of my friends…” So likewise, this news comes as if from one of my friends. I’m so sorry to hear this. Hugs to all of you.

  26. jen

    I am sorry to hear that you guys are going through this hard stuff. I know you will all be well, whatever final shape your family takes. Thinking of you all.

  27. Shari

    Nothing but love to you right now. I just went through the same thing and it’s hard, but it will get better and you aren’t kidding when you say it’s transformative. I never ever dreamed I’d have to face the challenges that have been put before me in the last year, but I came out a better, stronger, more solid person. Keep positive and you’ll be amazed at what will come of this. (hugs)

  28. LisaAR

    My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know it’s very hard to do what you are doing, and it takes guts to make the necessary changes to make you and your son’s lives as healthy as possible. Hang in there, girl. You rock.

  29. Catherine

    Wishing you all courage, strength and happiness. And don’t worry about us, we’ll be here when you’re ready to come back.

  30. Jennifer

    I am SO sorry to hear this. You’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever encountered and I know you’ll come out the other side even stronger. That said (and having been there and done that), do NOT hesitate to lean on your loved ones when you need that extra support. Trust me, they WANT you to.

    All the very very best to you and The Amazing Hank as you embark on this new journey.

  31. Katrina

    Maggie, I’m a lurker – delurking just to say I’m so sorry to hear this. I’m currently going through a pretty tough breakup, and man, it is not fun. I’m holding all three of you in my thoughts.

  32. Sarah

    Dear Maggie,

    I’ll be thinking of you and Bryan and Hank as you move through this time of change. It’s scary and hard, but we’ll be here, cheering for you.

    Sarah

  33. Kristin

    So sorry to hear you’re going through this. Sending you my very best wishes for much joy in your future!

  34. Emily

    Maggie, this website makes me so consistently happy and inspired. I’m sorry to hear about this but I believe that nobody could get through it like you probably can. I truly admire your accomplishments and attitude and sass. Good luck and my thoughts are with you. We are strangers but I just like you and I hope you are okay.

  35. kate

    Just sending love and virtual hugs to you, Hank and Bryan. Hoping you continue to navigate this with grace, maturity and respect for each other.

  36. Jenna

    Maggeh, I am so sorry. I check up on your site here every morning at work (shhhh don’t tell) and I got teary-eyed for you. I wish we were friends so I could hug you, but maybe a word-hug will do. *huuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggg*

  37. margie s

    Oh honey. Been there. The best advice I got was to get the support of a disinterested third party – a counselor/therapist. If you can’t go together, then go alone. It’s worth it. You have tons of friends but because they love you dearly they won’t always be objective. You need that now, for your own sake and for your son’s.

    Godspeed on this next journey.

  38. Deanna

    Delurking after 2 years to say I’m sorry, and I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts…I hope each.day brings you a little bit more peace than the day before.

  39. Lauren

    I’ve been reading your blog for a while now but never commented before. I thought today would be a good day to finally say something and let you know that this blog has made me feel like I know you (as I’m sure it has for many others). So I feel the same way (I assume) as I would feel if I got this news from a friend.
    I hope that the joy you bring people everyday can be sent back your way exponentially and boost your spirits!

  40. avb

    Maggie,

    You guys both did what you thought was right and best for yourselves and your child.

    It sucks, yes, but a decision is better than keeping something stagnant or letting it eat away at you for years. As long as you keep it good and civil for your child, that’s the most important part. And remember to treat yourself well and with care during this time.

    xo avb

  41. Bethany

    I rarely comment, but I just wanted to say I’m so sorry to hear this. I understand what you’re going through — my husband and I separated and divorced almost exactly a year ago, and it is a terribly hard time, but you will get through it. Sending love, strength, and peace your way.

  42. Alex

    I’m so sorry you’re going through a hard time. Don’t apologize for not being able to do your work – I think an important part of “work-life balance” is being able to tip the balance toward life and away from work when you need to. Take care of yourself.

  43. AngstyJen

    I’m yet another long-time lurker coming out of the woodwork to say I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m sure that your smarts and sweet spirit will see you through to the other side of this sadness. Thank you for sharing your life with us – the pleasant and the sucky and the in-between.

  44. Rachel

    I am sorry that you feel you have to apologize for not doing your best work recently. You are in shock, pain, or just not feeling great. And that is okay, Maggie. You don’t have to be a superhero right now.

    But I do think you will get through this beautifully, even if it does not feel like it now.

  45. katie

    I’m sorry to hear the bad news, but hopeful for your new beginnings. Sending you lots of happy thoughts.

  46. Jamie

    Navigating this with tenderness and grace (to borrow a phrase from Mindy Roberts) will make it much easier for all. You offer so much to your readers – I hope we can be a true support for you now in a time of need!

  47. kathy

    everyone else who has commented has expressed these same sentiments so beautifully, but wanted to add my voice to the throng of supportive well-wishers.

    i hope you take comfort in knowing that there are so many people out there (even real life strangers) who are rooting for you and have confidence that this rebuilding will be something that fortifies you and ultimately makes you more compassionate and sure of who you are and what you want (that’s what happened for me when my long-term relationship ended).

    you obviously have an amazing zest for life. thank you for sharing this. amazing peace to you.

  48. keri mac

    Maggie, I am so sorry. My husband and I have been separated and divorced for almost exactly two years. It was a hard choice to make but after two years, I feel more like myself then I ever did when we were married. I hope that through this experience you will also be able find more strength and resiliency within yourself then you ever knew that you had.

  49. Dawn

    I’m sorry to hear the news. I hope you can both find happiness while you travel your new path. Good luck

  50. Heather

    I’m sorry to hear this. Much love to you, Hank and Bryan. Be kind to each other in the coming months.
    Take care of yourself.

  51. amanda

    I’m so sorry to hear this. :( Going through the same thing right now and each morning when I leave my ring in the jewelry box it just feels … strange.

    Best of luck to you, Maggie, on your grand new adventure.

    (this is how I label hard times so I don’t hide and cry.)

  52. Lara

    Maggie, I’ve been lurking (reading but never commenting) on your blog(s) since 2002 or 2003 or so when I heard you on NPR once on my way to work. I feel like I have grown along with you – I too got married and had a son, and went through all the work-life changes. It is so sad to hear that things have become complicated in a new way in your life. I don’t actually know you so it feels weird to say, but I’m sending my love and best wishes. I read something the other day about how we should all think about the root feelings we are reaching for with our needs and wants and strive for reaching those feelings instead of gaining “stuff”. (It was probably Oprah)
    I think as you ponder what you want and need next in life, you should also focus on the feelings you need and want (for yourself) and how you can maximize those instances of happiness, joy, surprise, whatever they are in your current life… If I knew you, I would immediately come over with some red wine and/or mint juleps and laugh and cry for a few hours and help you work out a plan for the next few months. ((hug))

  53. Laura

    Oh, Maggie. I’m so sorry. Sounds like you’re making the best of it, but I hope things get easier for all involved soon. Until then, *hugs*

  54. steph

    Maggie…. hold on a minute, I have to put my eyes back in my head… OK… I am so sorry to hear this. I hope you can save it. If you can, it will get better. I will be thinking about you and sending you warm thoughts of good communication and empathy for each other. Hang in there.

  55. Julie

    So sorry to hear the bad news but it sounds like you and Bryan are making the best of it for Hank. Good luck as you move forward as a family.

  56. jodimichelle

    My heart sank as I read this and I so appreciate your willingness to share. I cannot imagine what you might be going through as a mother and I’m so genuinely sorry for the situation you’re enduring.

    All that said – I really loved how someone said it earlier in the comments about rooting for all 3 of you as your family takes a new shape (whatever that may be).

    Much admiration!! And so much love.

  57. Beth

    I’m so very sorry for what you and your family are going through right now. The interwebs are sending you a big cocktail and a bigger hug right now. You’re a force, lady, and you are loved.

  58. sarah

    I thought that your “get health in check” pieces were some of your best, valuable and personal work – and they were recent enough that I figured that was why you were posting lightly lately. This is an upsetting time, and I am sending thoughts of gentleness to the three of you.

  59. Jen

    Dearest Maggie,
    I’m so sorry to hear this news. My best thoughts and hugs to you and your family.
    Mourning is tough business. I’m wishing you grace and patience to ride the waves. Also: try not to cheat yourself of the happy moments you have. Feeling happy doesn’t mean you’re not sad. It just means you’re still intact, and life can still be surprising and joyful.
    I am happy to join the cheering section, and I look forward to more posts/chats this week.
    <3<3<3<3

  60. Emily

    Almost 10 months ago I separated from my husband and it wasn’t easy, but now I’m happier than I ever thought possible. I hope the same becomes true for you.

  61. shokufeh

    I’m sorry to read this, and appreciate and admire your willingness to share this bad news. I hope that doing so better distributed its weight.

  62. Clarissa

    As a long time reader, I have to admit that just felt like a punch in the gut! Your words, your voice, your humor, the grace and style with which you tackle the challenges of everyday life inspire me daily. My thoughts will be with you during this time and I wish you all the best!!! Thank you for continuing to put yourself out there even when it hurts. Wishing you happiness and joy.

  63. Desi

    You have inspired me so much – to find my voice, to pull myself up out of the dark and live in the light again. To truly live, again, after too many changes in my life. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. And so grateful to you for sharing all that you have.

  64. Allisone

    Like many things in life, there’s no “right” way to do this, just the way you get it done. You have have my heart. Love and light to all three of you, darling.

  65. jennifluff

    Wow. You are so brave…for what its worth, my best friend and I are children of divorced parents, and we both agree that our parents divorcing was the best thing they could have done. Unhappy parents make for unhappy children. Take care of yourself, as isn’t that what this is all about? Sending you a big ole hug.

  66. Andrea

    Oh, Maggie, my heart dropped when I read this. You have been such an inspiration to me with your life lists, style, and writing. I know you will make it through this with the same grace and elegance you do with everything else. And even though I do not know you in person, I feel that I do enough through your writing to know you have my support and love.

  67. Nicole

    I am in total shock – have been following your adventures for years now, and did not see this coming AT ALL. I kept waiting for you to say APRIL FOOLS or some such baloney.

    Whatever the circumstances, I am sure you will handle the upcoming months with the same grace and class you do everyday.

    Hugs to your bruised heart.

  68. Patryce

    Hi Maggie,

    Delurking today to say how awesome I think your blog is, and how inspiring it has been to read your life lists, and see the way you seem to approach life, and new adventures with arms wide open.

    Sorry to hear about your separation, I wish nothing but the best for all of you as you navigate your way through this tough time. Sending good thoughts, and tons of hugs your way!

    Patryce

  69. mandy

    Here’s to new beginnings. My husband and I have recently decided to separate and my heart alternately soars and sinks. Let’s look forward to getting past the sad part and onto happier days.

  70. Kara

    Just a virtual *hug*.

    I admire your talent and your drive and have enjoyed your site for several years.

    I hope that things get better for you soon.

  71. Cyn

    I wanted to leave a note to thank you for being honest in your posts. I’m going through the same situation and it’s helpful to go through these things together (though I don’t wish it on anyone).

    One day at a time.

  72. Lydia

    I’m so sorry to hear the news. As a blog reader, I’ve been the beneficiary of your writing and thank you for the candor and warmth with which you write and with which you treat your readers. I wish you and Hank well.

  73. Hannah Read

    Maggi, you are so inpirationally graceful. Holding you in my heart and in the light. And a BIG hear, hear to the joy in store for us! I’ve had a crazy year as well and the thinking about how I want to feel and what I want most is exactly what I’m doing now. Alternately thrilling and scary- glad to not be alone.
    XOXOXO

  74. Kimberly

    I’m so sorry, Maggie I’ve been divorced for 4+ years now, am in a great relationship and STILL look for my wedding band. Amicable has its own drawbacks.

    Hugs and good thoughts. I’ve been there and back and it gets better.

  75. Jennifer

    So sorry you’re going through this right now. I’m sure you and Bryan will continue to be great parents to Hank. I wish the three of you the smoothest possible sailing through the process. Take the time you need! :)

  76. Rebecca

    Oh Maggie, I’m so sorry to hear your bad news. Keep taking care of your self and hold Hand close. Things will get better, even when they seem like they won’t.

  77. Michelle

    You are a lesson in how to be graceful and respectful. I wish you all the best and hope that you find the peace in the relationship that you need.

  78. Jill

    Wow. I don’t know what to say. Longtime reader, rare commenter, and this made me tear up. I’m sending good energy in your direction, and I hope you can feel all of the internet holding your hand.

  79. Erin

    Having been in a similar place before, I can say to you that it’s very likely you’ll look back at this time someday as the beginning of a new, different, and better life for yourself. But I also know that that is no consolation when you’re in the thick of it, so all I can say is to remember to take it one. day. at. a. time. You’ll be in my thoughts.

  80. dina

    So so so sorry, Maggie.

    Just take it one day at a time. You are amazing and wonderful and beautiful and talented; all of us know it, and we won’t let you forget! I wish all three of you the best in moving forward amicably and “like grown-ups.”

  81. Ryan Elizabeth

    When Lisa said:

    It’s a testament to the intimacy and warmth of your blog that this news hit me as if it was my college roommate sending me an email with the same sad news.

    she said it way better than I could have. I know the three of you will do everything you can to find your new beginning in the best way possible. (I’m in my 30s and my parents are separating now – I’m glad Hank has two parents who I know will stop at nothing to make him feel loved and secure. It doesn’t always work that way, especially when you’re older.)

    xoxo

  82. Tasha

    Maggie, I’m so sorry that you’re going through a tough time. Reading your blog has cheered me up on bad days and I hope we (your readers) can help you through this!

    You are mighty, girl! You’ll come out of this even more mighty. Take the time and do the things you need to heal. If you get this much love from strangers, I can only imagine the powerful support you have from your friends.

    All the best to you all. HUGS!

  83. Jessie

    I’ve never commented before, but I wanted to let you know you’re an inspiration, and I know you’ll be able to get through this tough time and remake your life as you decide you want it to be. <3 And I'm sending positive thoughts your way!

  84. Jennifer

    Maggie, I’m so very, very sorry. My thoughts are with you, and I hope things get better for all of you. I’m a San Franciscan who gardens in the public spaces on our block, and we are getting ready to do a big Spring planting if you and Hank would like to join us (and cross off another item on your life list).
    Take good care.

  85. Emily

    I am not going to say “I’m sorry” because I think it takes GUTS to separate and do that for your family — I don’t think it is bad thing. It is worse to stay together when you are very unhappy or if you have tried and things still aren’t working. My parents are also divorced like some have mentioned here adn they did their best to be friends. I am 34 now and I think they did pretty good. We had Christmases together until I was twelve, which was surely hard for them but they always made the effort. As long as you take care of yourself, and Hank, and Bryan too, you will be doing great. Lots of love.

  86. Cass

    Soon after I accepted that this thing I entered in with the intention of being forever was…well…not forever I had lunch with a friend.

    I was swept up in all of the feelings. And it was as overwhelming as going to a restaurant and ordering one of everything – I couldn’t finish feeling any one thing before I had to take a bite of the next thing.

    But my friend said something that I held on to and stuck in my pocket: I’m going to have another first kiss. The anticipation, butterfly, connecting first kiss. There’s a lot of good out there for us.

  87. Emily

    Also, I just want to say a breakup doesn’t mean a failure. You had a great relationship and you will continue to have a hopefully good relationship and most importantly you made a GREAT person, there is no failure in that.

  88. Heidi

    Like many others, I’m delurking to tell you how sorry I am to hear of this. I’ve read you for years and have gotten to know and love your little family through your blog. I’ve also gone through a separation and divorce, and the hardest part for me was getting settled into a new routine.

    You have all of the internets rooting for you! Well, nearly. xoxo

  89. hrl

    OH NO! You’re one of my favorite bloggers and I always hope to run into you when I’m out and about in the city. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  90. sara

    I have no doubt that you will move through this with the elegance and grace you do most other things. You’re an amazing woman, Maggie, and have such a great future ahead of you. Thinking about you and sending you lots of warm wishes and thoughts.

  91. Jena

    You can’t imagine how much I love you. Seriously, I’ve been following your blog for a couple of years now, anxiously anticipating your updates every day. I’m a single girl, and having never been married, I’m afraid I have no sage advice to offer.

    I will say, that it’s hard for me to imagine anyone not being totally delighted to know you every day.

  92. sugarleg

    Maggie, I don’t know you, but I adore you like you are one of my close friends.

    first of all, here is a love shower to you and Hank, fortified with lots of strength. I am also adding a dose of clarity and bionic hearing so that you can cut through the emotional clutter on the days when you will need to deal with the financial and legal negotiations. (I did not get the bionic hearing until waaaaaaaay too late in my divorce, but thank god for my attorney named Rocky, a two-tour Vietnam vet.) also, hire an attorney. seriously. Bryan should do the same.

    there is SO MUCH GOOD THIS WEEK already! will you look at this gorgeous day here in SF?

    and… breathe…

  93. Miriam

    I’m so sorry you are going through this. I’ve been reading your blog for years, and unfortunately only rarely comment, but I *so* look forward to reading each of your posts. Sending good thoughts your way!

  94. Ana

    Oh god, the phantom wedding band… I totally understand. It gets better! I promise.

    I’m also not going to say sorry. What meant the most to me when I got seperated and then divorced was how many people, friends and strangers, told me how strong of a person I must be. How proud they were of me for making choices that are painful, but for the best for me. And how many older women told me that they wished they’d been able to as strong.

    You are a strong woman. You should feel proud and MIGHTY! xoxo

  95. Kelly

    I nearly got separated last year and I know how confusing and difficult and absolutely gut-wrenching that is. I hope you and Bryan find grace and peace in the middle of this difficult time. Above all, remember to be kind to yourself. You deserve it.

  96. jennifer

    Sigh. My thoughts are with you. I’m a long-time reader and fellow Bay Area resident. I would occasionally see you and your family at the Alameda Flea and think what a lovely little group you were. I’m glad to hear that you’re working things out and that things are moving forward for you. All my best to you and your little one. xo

  97. Kristen

    I don’t know you IRL, but my heart hurt reading this. I haven’t been through this, so I’ll echo the sentiments of people who’ve commented that they have experience with it and say that I admire your strength and grace. Much love to the 3 of you.

  98. isabelle from mtl

    I’ve been following your blog for years but I’ve never left a comment. So I’m delurking first of all thank you for being you.
    I hope it gets better very soon. Hang in there, MightyGirl. I’m sending you good vibes all the way from Montreal.

  99. Kate

    Though I don’t know you, I’ve read your blog for years. At the risk of sounding Pollyanna, I think you have made the Internet a more positive, kind place. It hurt my heart to read your post. I’m so sorry you are going through this.

  100. Danielle

    I’m so sorry, Maggie. You must feel pulled in a lot of different directions right now. Let us know if there is anything we can do from here, in the land of the interwebs.

  101. Kat

    I’m sure this is a really hard time for your family, but I sincerely hope you are all on the path to much happier times.

    Best wishes to all of you!

  102. Min

    I teared up reading your first paragraph.

    You are a wonderful, thoughtful person and deserve every happiness.

    Here is to 2011 bringing you more joy and laughter.

  103. stephanie

    hi maggie, i’m so sorry to hear you are hurting right now. things will start looking up soon…from my experience, take one day at a time & be kind to yourself.

  104. Sara

    I don’t think there is anything more wonderful than two people being grown-ups for the sake of their kid. It sounds to me like this is what the both of you are trying to do.
    I hope we can support you, like you have inspired all of us.
    Hugs to you & Bryan & Hank, Miss Maggie. It’s all going to be alright.

  105. Dottie

    Lady, I can’t even imagine how gutting this whole thing must be, but I can say this: you both are awesome people–separately as well as together and you are one of the most heroic people out there in the way you live and I know that will continue. After all you are MIGHTY GIRL! Our heroine has amazing things ahead in upcoming chapters!

    I’m rooting for you!

  106. Marie T

    Hi Maggie — I am traveler on this path (with a 5 year old wee one Victor) I know it’s not an easy thing to face — totally know the ring thing you speak of. I hope that each day gets a little brighter. I remember when I was in the middle of the darkness, someone made for me Pizza Rustica (http://www.livestrong.com/recipes/pizza-rustica/) and it was the meal I remember as transformational. I turned a corner. Talking…wine….and coziness also helped.

  107. Gennie

    I rarely comment, but I wanted to say I am so sorry, and I hope that good things come from this difficult time.

  108. Jenny

    Maggie,

    I don’t know what to say other than that if there’s anyone who can emerge from this situation stronger and with an even greater sense of clarity and purpose it’s you. I know that whatever happens in the end, you and Hank will be better than fine.

    Please let us–your largely anonymous, but loving readers–know if we can help in any way.

    Many hugs to you!

  109. cookingmel

    I’ve been an avid reader of your blog(s) for years. I’m so sorry that “Bad News” is the reason for my first post. Sending you positive and comforting vibes.

  110. Megan

    Maggie,
    I’ve been reading your blog for years now and, like the other commentors, reading your post elicited the same response as it would hearing the news from a friend.

    Thank you for continuing to open up and share your life with all of us. You are such an inspiration in so many ways. I wish I could somehow show you what a profound influence you have been in my life and in others’ as well. I wish I could really reach out and offer you some sort of comfort. Instead I will write here that you are loved, and you have a safety net here of warmth and support.

    Will be thinking of you…

    Megan

  111. Paige

    Maggie, I am so sorry you are going through this. You are not alone. We are all holding you close as you make your way down this new path. Thinking of you, Paige

  112. Bonita

    Oh Maggie, I’m so very sad and sorry that you are having to go through this. From the teeny bit of time I’ve spent with you, I know that you are an amazing force and that the light at the end of this tunnel is even brighter than you can imagine.

    My warmest and happiest thoughts are heading your way!

  113. April

    Just another internet stranger chiming in to say, “Wishing you well and take care.” You seem like a strong person and you say you have a good support system, so it sounds like things will work out for the best (whatever that may be), but it’s still gotta be really hard.

  114. Desiree

    I’m so sorry. The best I can offer is this piece of unique breakup advice:

    Do whatever’s funniest. Things are gonna suck right now, no matter what, but it will be a comfort to look back on this tough time and think to yourself, “at least I was funny.”

    It sounds silly or dumb, maybe. But keeping your sense of humor in tact can only improve things.

  115. Dr. S

    Maggie, I’m so sorry that things are as painful right now as I’m sure they are. I hope that we 100+ commenters (whether you know us or not) are somehow helpful as you go through this process, and I hope that you’re doing OK.

  116. Devon

    As a long-time lurker (and long-time lover!) of your site, I just wanted to come out of the shadows to say, good luck and you have my best thoughts.

  117. Meegan

    You are awesome. True story. Thank you for sharing such a personal part of your life with us. I’m one of many who wishes you the best and not one iota less. Much love.

  118. CoraD

    Biggest of hugs. In case this might help, I am a child of divorce- I was 3ish when it happened. I am so thankful my parents did separate. They were not meant to be together. They have been on excellent terms, which really eased the transistion. Also, I got a fabulous step-dad and Grandma out of it too.

  119. Monica

    I’ve been a long-time reader of your blog and my stomach just dropped reading this because I know it has the potential to really suck. But I do think you are brave to make a decision that you think will better your and your son’s life and move forward with it no matter how hard. Absolutely, here’s to more joy in all our futures.

  120. Enyasi

    So sorry to hear, but know that you will come the other side of this a better person. Your blog has inspired me for years and I will be sending you love and support.

  121. Janet B.

    I’m so sorry. I have a 3 1/2 year old son and his dad & I separated when he was about 2 (we were together 12 years before that). Sooo hard, these were not my plans for a family. The last year has been the hardest of my life but is getting better recently. I think this year will still be hard but we communicate & love our son & that’s the most important part. If one more person says they just want me to be happy again I think I’ll scream at them. It will come ( I hope!) :)

  122. renée

    WOW! i am not in shock because you have separated but because what I suspected turned out to be true… I have never met you person, nor do I regularly communicate with you Maggie, but something in your recent posts made me think, “oh goodness, is Maggie separated from Brian?” intuition and its roots are so out there for me sometimes…

    i say this not because i want to say “hey, my intuition was spot on!” no! that is crazy and all but i write now because i felt a little piece of my heart sag when i read this post and felt so sad I wanted to fly to SF, give you a big hug and seek a reason to have some champagne and chocolate together… i send you big hugs, much warmth and the sneaking suspicion that much joy in life still awaits you to uncover it…

    all the best…
    xxo

  123. Erin

    I’m so sorry. It sounds like you are handling this with your usual grace and maturity, though, and Hank is so lucky to have parents who, as you say, are “trying to be grownups.”

    I recently started reading a blog about divorce — the writer said she started it because (I’m paraphrasing) she felt alone when she was going through her own separation and divorce and couldn’t find much online to help her through it. In case you’re finding the same thing, here’s her URL: http://irretrievablybroken.wordpress.com. She also has a column on Babble: http://blogs.babble.com/divorced-with-kids.

    Sending you good thoughts and wishing you strength during this life change.

  124. wen

    As much as it is hard and potentially confusing and maybe even horrible at times, remember that things work out for the best. My partner of almost 11 yrs and I separated several years ago, and I’m now married to someone else. I hate to think what my life would have been like had I not had the chance to share it with my current wife! :)

  125. Kristin

    I’m a long time reader but rarely comment. I just wanted you to know that I feel your pain and wish you the best. One door closes and another opens.

  126. Laura Williams

    Maggie.

    I am a long-time reader & fan. Thanks for so bravely sharing your personal experience. We are rooting for you out here in cyberspace!

    Take care of you self. Don’t worry about blogging. We’ll be here when you need us!

  127. maya

    oh maggie,
    you have brought me so much hope in the past few years that i’ve been frequenting your little website. and while i cannot relate to this, i now hope that you feel supported through this difficult time. looking forward to reading more from you no matter the content, as you are one inspiring lady!

  128. Maggie E.

    Maggie I want to gush over you. I want to silently open the door to my home, invite you in, pour you a glass of my most soul-calming wine and play with your hair all while telling you how brave you are. But gushing doesn’t necessarily help, or maybe you’re past gushing. So instead I want to thank you. Thank you for all of your words, and your perspective, your playful style, and for your honesty. Sometimes I feel so humbled that you (and many of the other bloggers I visit each day) are so willing to share with me what is happening on your journey. It feels like such a trusting relationship, but so one-sided. You’ve shared this with me. Me. You don’t know me but you trust me enough to know that I will be patient, and supportive. You trust that I will not judge or pretend as if I have some worthy insight that is, if anything, unsolicited. So thank you, and know that this Maggie you don’t know, that lives on the opposite coast, feels very very close to you today.

  129. Amy

    Maggie, my heart goes out to you and your family. I wish you strength in the days and months to come, and I know you will persevere and continue to grow and contribute. Thank you for sharing your wit, grace, and warmth with the wide world — you are an inspiration to me and many others. Be well.

  130. Rebecca

    Just from reading your blog, I know you’re one of the bravest women I’ve ever known/not known. I’m sure this is an enormously tough experience for you, but I know you’ll handle it with grace and elegance, as you do everything. Hugs to you, my dear. We’re all rooting for you.

  131. emma

    As always, you inspire by fully embracing life. In so doing, thorns will prick and you will bleed. Thank you for being willing to let others see the wounds. May they heal quickly!

  132. Amber

    Lots of positive rebuilding energy from a longtime reader. Hang in there, and I hope the best possible things come out of this difficult time.

  133. siobhan

    Long time reader delurking to say how sorry I am that you are all hurting. Best wishes and support from the other side of the world.

  134. d.

    I’m going through the same thing. You did help me feel a little less alone.

    Cliche as it may be, it does get a little easier every day. Good thoughts for you.

  135. kim

    i spent a week last december reading every. single. post. ever. on mighty girl. so now please excuse me if I feel i know you, and am sad that you are sad, but also happy for you that you feel positive about it too. i know it will get better, and i hope that it gets better quickly. x

  136. a.

    I’m so sorry. All of the best to you and your family, and continued thanks for the marvelous things you do with this space.

  137. Christian

    Thinking of you and wishing you strength and happiness. You have profoundly changed my life w/ your blog and the ideas within. I am very grateful to you, and I hope that you find the way you were meant to find with all of the grace and spirit that you show here daily.

  138. Megan

    I agree with everyone else who feels that this is happening to a friend. We love and support you, even if we have never met you!

  139. Manders

    Hey, don’t feel like you have to apologize for not being around. Your world is being totally upended; it’s okay if you’re not writing right now.

    Grace and peace to all three of you. It’s going to be okay.

  140. Laura Jane

    I have been reading for years and agree with Lisa (waaaaay above in the comments) that this news hit me as if you were a close, close friend. Is that a little weird coming from a perfect stranger on the Interwebz? Probably.

    All the same, Maggie, I am thinking of you, Bryan and Hank. Your work has changed me. Deeply. And I hope that with time, your incredible support system and a few martinis, you begin to feel more and more like your fabulous self. Take care of yourself and take all the time you need.

    xo.

  141. Stephanie

    I’m so sorry to hear this Maggie — not because it’s the wrong thing, but because it is a very very hard thing. My good thoughts go out to you.

  142. dgm

    I wish you courage and calm and acceptance whenever you need it. We’ve not met, but I feel certain that if anyone can come through this with grace, it is you. We are all rooting for you!

  143. Bertha

    So sorry to hear about this, Maggie. As a long time reader, I feel as sad as I would if my real-life friends were splitting up (I hope that’s not weird). I hope that with time, things will work out well for you and your family.

  144. Stacey

    I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. I wish you strength and peace, and my thoughts are with you and your family.

  145. Sarah Berry

    Oh, Maggie, this is terrible, I’m so sorry. I felt punched in the gut when I read the post.

    I think you’re right that, to the degree you’re able, talking about this process will be very helpful to many readers as well as yourself.

    Sending so many healing thoughts your way.

  146. BeckyC

    I’m so sorry, Maggie. Your generosity of spirit in sharing here has been a blessing. Here’s to continued bravery & strength for you and your family.

  147. Deirdre

    Like many of your other commenters, I’m a long-time reader and a rare commenter and…I’m not sure what to say. Except that I felt compelled to write something (so much so that I sent you a tweet, and I am not a twitter-er, when my computer wouldn’t let me comment here earlier). Like most everyone else, I am so saddened to read this news. My breath actually caught in my throat when I read your sentence about your wedding ring.

    I am so sorry. No doubt you will weather this storm with strength and grace but still, I know it must be quite a bit more difficult than the words of this post indicate. Take care of yourself.

  148. Sassafras Mama

    I just wanted to pass on my good wishes. There is a Quaker saying that I find quite useful in times like this: I’m holding you in the light. Please know that I am doing that for you and your family. I hope the very best for all of you.

    And when you forget it, let me add to the chorus of those of us who think you’re the best.

  149. Elise

    Yikes, I’m so sorry. Unfortunately, the only way out of this kind of pain is straight through it. I’m rooting for you from the sidelines and wishing you happiness.

  150. Melissa L.

    Maggie-

    I’ve been a reader of your blog for years – in fact, since I was a young teen. I’ve grown up reading your blog, and you’ve inspired me in so many ways (my life list is down from 100 to 86!). I know that the mature way you have dealt with this so far, and the way I know you will handle this as it comes in the future, will be an inspiration to anyone when times are tough.

    We know you as Mighty Girl for a reason. It’s because you’re a superhero.

    Take care,

    Melissa (Alberta, Canada)

  151. amelia

    Thank you for being strong enough to share your news with us. When my parents got divorced, my mom was so shamed by what she thought the Asian community would think of her that she never talked about it with her friends or family and it was and still is a very difficult topic for me.

  152. jenG

    Oh, Maggie. You have always, always made me feel less alone.

    I’m heartbroken and hopeful for you. With painful changes comes surprising strength, and sometimes the realization of dreams you weren’t even looking for. (I had to pen a similar post in 2008.)

    Your family is in my heart, Maggie. I hate when the right thing to do is so damn hard. :(

  153. Elizabeth

    Is it weird if I just want to tell you I love you? Not in a creepy way. Just in a “I admire the hell out of you” way. I’ve been reading your words for quite a while and you’ve inspired me more than I can say. You are one amazing woman. I hate hearing this sad news, but thank you for being honest with us. If anyone can make the best out of a hard situation, it’s you.

  154. susanna b

    I am so sorry. My separation happened 9 months ago – divorce to be final on March 27 – and it still hurts, but less and less every day. I wish you the best. It will get better. Surround yourself with all the love that you have.

  155. sarah

    Wishing you happy times ahead. Good luck with everything. I admire your ability to write so gracefully about something so painful.

  156. Elena

    You are Mighty in your strength and in your ability to be vulnerable and open. I’ve been reading faithfully for years but have never commented before. Coming out of the woodwork to say that I’m sorry and I am sending you all the hope I can muster. Reading your blog always inspire me to be a better person and to try to make a better world.

  157. Rebecca

    I already commented, but I wanted to reiterate what Kate (comment 3) said and tell you to let us know what we can do for you during this difficult time. Book/movie/music recommendations? Indulgence food recipes? Whatever you need from us, your faithful readers, just ask. Sending cuddles and champagne bubbles your way. <3

  158. Rachel

    Oh Maggie,

    So very very sorry to hear such sad news. I hope you are taking good care of yourself and surrounding yourself with supportive friends during this difficult time. Please take all the time and space you need to be sad and blue and whatever else you need to be and feel while this transition happens in your life.
    You are such a positive light in this world. I often turn to your blog and adventures when I need reminding that the world is full of love and magic and adventure. Myself, and I am sure all of your faithful followers, will be here waiting for you.
    Sending good thoughts and prayers your way,
    Rachel

  159. Kimberly

    I’m back. Your wedding ring sentence stuck with me all day because I remember…

    I wanted to reinforce what so many above said – hearing this from you is just like hearing it from a good friend. Whatever we can do…just ask.

  160. Holly

    Oh Maggie!

    EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK.

    That’s all there is to it.

    LOVE YOURSELF THROUGH THIS.

    I will write often to remind you and hopefully like magic it will be more than ok!

  161. Betsy

    Maggie, I’m another reader that never comments, even though you and your writing have been so inspirational to me over the past several years. I just wanted to let you know I’m another person out there wishing you strength and peace and continued transformation.

  162. Megan

    As a writer, business women and mom you set the bar high. But by being honest about the hard stuff you remind us that you’re human and let a community in to offer love and support. Strange to mourn with “strangers” but such is the beauty of honesty and openness. Grace to you as you journey through this time and thank you for your willingness to share.

  163. Shevon

    Oh Maggie, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how difficult this has been for you. I’ve been reading your blog for a long time and I feel like you’re a cherished friend of mine. I’m sad to know you’re hurting. I will pray for the three of you.

  164. Sarah

    So sorry to hear this, but it sounds like you are being as big about it as possible. Don’t forget to cry. Sometimes it really does make things better.

  165. SW

    Thank you for sharing this with us, and for this eloquent post. And, likewise, thank YOU, for having been such a positive, inspiring force in my life (and others’, clearly) over the years. I wish you and your family well.

  166. Martha

    Everyone has already made such beautiful comments, but I just wanted to say I’m so sorry that you’re going through such a difficult time. Thank you for sharing so much of your life with us. Your post today hit me as though you were a real friend. I’m thinking of you and Hank and wishing you the best.

  167. Lauren

    Sending love and light your way, along with hopes for easy healing and lots of support. Take care as you move through this and regain your balance.

  168. Elise

    Maggie – like so many others I am a long time reader (2003!!) and I have been thinking on you and your family all day since I read your sad news. I am sending you good thoughts, so much sympathy, and hope for the good times ahead.

    In the spirit of your 1000 songs playlist, here are some mellow tracks for you:

    Dave Mason “We Just Disagree”
    http://quietube.com/v.php/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8_FOQ7-P30

    Patty Griffin “Let Him Fly”
    http://quietube.com/v.php/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9g5d4bZdmI
    (“Nobody’s Crying” by Patty might also work for you)

    Wishing you peace.

  169. HeatherJamieson

    Oh, what a terribly hard thing to face & experience. May you all be surrounded with much comfort & kindness. Much love to you, Maggie.

  170. Beth S.

    I felt like I’d been hit with a 2×4 when I read this post. Maggie, you are my role model, such an inspiration to me–your bad news has affected me (and I’m sure many others) as well. I wish you solace in the time ahead. I know things will get better for you.

  171. Roberta

    So sad to read your announcement. It’s awkward enough to have to tell your friends, relatives, and co-workers, much less make an announcement on your blog that is read by thousands (nay, millions). I’m amazed at your bravery. My husband and I separated and then got back together 5 years later. We recently marked 22 years of marriage – off and on, I like to say. I hope everything works out for the best – for all of you.

  172. Tamara

    Long-time lurker (and fan) comment:

    I am so, so sorry. I was abysmally bad at it when I went through it. I hope you two are able to work out where you need to be as painlessly as possible.

    It was really good to write it out sometimes because I could frame it to be a lot less harsh and scary than it felt. The advice I got for lots of things was often much better on here than in “real life” too, truth be told.

  173. Homa

    Hang in there and keep being yourself, whatever that entails, happy or sad or angry or something in between. I have read along for years and I love your authenticity. So sorry you are going through this.

  174. Jen the Trephinist

    I’m friends with my ex-husband. We don’t have children together, so it’s not such a daily thing, but I can honestly say that I look forward to our occasional lunches and other opportunities to catch up. Resolving to stay friendly, to be adults, was very hard in the beginning, but the payoff two years later, when everyone is genuinely friendly and nonawkward, was so worth it. Our friendship is priceless to me, and I’m so glad I didn’t lose someone I spent so many happy years with.

    All of this is just to say that I salute what you’re doing. Ignore the people who say it isn’t possible, and hang in there. It really is possible and it really does get easier.

  175. ZombieGirl

    Like many others, I’m a total stranger to you, and I come here for a dose of humanity in what often seems like an impersonal or dehumanizing world.

    Regardless of whether it’s your most “professional” work or not, your blog has, I can assure you, always been your _best_ work, because it’s been a reflection of your life–and you’ve lived your life with as much attention and passion and genuineness as you can.

    So thank you for writing–even about this. I’m sorry that you’re going through a hugely painful experience right now, and I hope that things improve tremendously, and soon. I wish you the very best in life (which you are so good at finding), and many unlooked-for blessings, as well.

  176. Laura

    Oh, Maggie, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You will come out the other side of it feeling empowered, I’m sure, as you are such a strong and inspiring woman. But that doesn’t make it suck any less. Sending you love, strength and hope.

  177. A.

    Awww..Mighty Girl. It’s going to be okay. Because you are amazing. I just read all of the comments to this post, and they are truly a testament to you as a person. Lovely, generous and inspiring creature that you are. So I feel compelled to join the throng of de-lurking, long time readers to say, though its already been said, I’m sorry…but, moreover, Thank You (with regret for not having said it sooner). And also, good luck. I know you will take care of yourself. Whether that means taking some time out to be alone with your thoughts, or just inhaling Hank when that’s required, or reaching out to friends for support. We’ll be thinking of you. Take your time.

  178. Z.

    Thank you for everything you give to your readers. My condolences for your marriage and my best wishes on your new life. I look forward to your posts and new adventures.

  179. lacey

    Maggie, I just want you to know that I consider you to be one of my role models. Your grace, courage and constant pursuit of yourself inspire me every time I visit.

  180. Deepa

    I read this last night (India time) and then dreamt that you came to India and stayed with me and I plied you with books and a hot water bottle. I’m sending you comforting thoughts, Maggie, subconsciously and otherwise. I love your blog and your grace and your projects and your infectious enthusiasm. Keep rocking and you have a place to stay in Mumbai, if you should visit. Hug.

  181. Caroline

    Hi there,

    Delurking (in common with the 260-odd people before me, it seems!) to echo their comments…good luck to you all as you move forward from this.

    /relurk

    x

  182. Emily

    Oh Maggie, I’m so sorry. I hope that you can look at this pileup of condolences from people who are largely strangers to you and add it up to the heaps of support that I’m sure that you have in your face-to-face life. You’ll see that there is so much love in the world heading your way, even on the worst days of what I imagine must be a difficult transition. I’ll be thinking of you from here in Italy. xo

  183. Amoxil

    my best wishes are with you. it’s part of life. it happens. time will heal it. and you will be as forceful as before. take care…

  184. Kimberly

    Sending nothing but positive vibes your way…you inspire so many people Maggie. I hope in reading all these supportive comments, you find comfort. Thinking of all of you in this difficult time! xo

  185. gena

    I’ve been reading your blog for years and have never commented (but you have been a benchmark of good living for me in many, many ways).. and my heart sank when I read your news. You’re pretty amazing. Peace and love to you.

  186. cait

    Maggie-
    Over the past few years you have become one of my favorite bloggers, and it has been a joy watching you and your family grow- and I’m sure you all will continue to do so. Don’t apologize for fewer posts, we will still read your bog. Don’t apologize for bad news,you are a human with a real life! I wish all of the joy and inspiration that you have given me and your other readers back upon you ten fold. You will always be our MightyGirl just by being you.
    lots of love

  187. wintor

    Maggie, I’ve been reading for years and I can’t even begin to tell you how much I admire you. I have no words of wisdom but please know that you have much love and support from someone you’ve never spoken to or have met, way out here in Texas.

  188. Stella

    I’m so, so sorry to read this. You will get through this, and amazing, wonderful things will come your way. Sending nothing but positive vibes your way, missy! Massive internet hugs!

    PS. Just wanted to let you know that even though I never sent you my life list, you inspired me with yours, and I’ve worked towards making those things a reality. I’ve already crossed off a few!

  189. P.

    You are really something wonderful Maggie.
    Thank you for all you do and although we’ve never met, my heart goes out to you.

  190. NicoleT

    I don’t know really what to say. Whatever I do say in situations like this always ends up coming out wrong. :-(

    So I won’t say anything…I’ll just give you a :::hug:::

  191. JennyM

    I’m so sorry — that description sounds a lot like what I went through (and frankly, am still dealing with) last summer. Friends, shocked. Eyes, welling. Trying to be a grownup.

    There are still days when… well. But there have been lots of days when finding my new place has been a lot of fun, too.

    Whatever worth hugs from a stranger may be — sending them your way.

  192. clg1213

    i’m a new reader. i do blog but only have a handful of readers. i had a similar post back in june…people were surprised since i’m pretty open about things (incl female health issues) and had been very quiet about it…but i felt like it was too much of an “us” thing and that i didn’t have the “right” to talk about it when it wasn’t just ME. i eventually did…i felt i had to…but tried to keep it fair and not TOO angry and focused on me.

    anyway, i ramble…my divorce is amicable, but still not fun and still hard. but i’ve found peace…and 7m later also found someone really special too. have faith in yourself. be weak and wallow when you need to (have someone kid-sit so you can do so alone) but KNOW you are strong and will go forward.

  193. Jen

    I am so sorry for all three of you. I survived my divorced even though it was the thing I feared most having grown up with divorced parents. It remains difficult for us, even six years later. It will always be hard, but I try to see it as just one of life’s challenges, if it wasn’t this it might be something else. We are all still healthy, safe, employed. And my ex and I have the chance to set a better example for our children than we could have done together. Your blog is an inspiration, the grace, enthusiasm and mightyness that it exemplifies come from you and I suspect they will serve you well as you navigate this new role, new phase of your life.

  194. Elaine

    Thoughts, prayers and hope for joy in the future for all three of you. I, too, want to echo the “you’ve given so many of us so much–if you need anything during this time, please ask. Because we will rally like nobody’s business” sentiment.

  195. suzanne

    You and your family will move through this transition with grace and love and strength. Thank you for your honesty in this space– you truly are mighty.

  196. Alicia

    Even though I don’t know you, my heart sank when I read that first paragraph. I visit with you daily, albeit online, and I feel as though I know you. Chin up.

  197. andi

    It’s weird – you’re a complete stranger, and still there’s a sense of loss and sadness while reading this news … you’ve shared a lot of yourself, so I guess it’s only natural to feel like I know you a bit. I’m sorry that you and Bryan are going through this, and sorry for what must have been a difficult time in reaching the point of separation.Your blog has been a real source of inspiration and helped so many people choose to make their own positive and life-changing decisions. It’s only fitting that you live by your own dreams, too. Stay strong and true to yourself.

  198. Janine

    Always remember that you are not alone. You have built an entire community of supporters here on your blog. We’ll help you get through it just like you have helped us.

  199. liz

    oh sweetie, I don’t know you at all but I’m so sorry for all of you. Here’s to continuing to be friends and a family, and to good things ahead.

  200. Lindsay

    Oh man, I’m really sorry to hear this. I hope that you and Brian can be successful in building a new relationship as parents and friends and that the healing process isn’t too painful. I’ll be thinking good thoughts for you xoxo

  201. Michou

    Maggie –

    Thank you so much for your sharing something so hard and emotionally draining. Thank goodness you’re both trying hard to be great parents to your gorgeous son, and I wish you all the best for the upcoming minutes, day, weeks and years ahead.

    :hugs, peace and love:

  202. ElJay

    I started to write a comment last night, but like so many others, I’m a stranger to you, though I feel like you’re a friend to me. The thing that strikes me over and over is how hard this last bit, telling us, must have been, both because it’s putting it out there in public and because like you said, putting it in writing makes it more real. You are brave, Maggie.

    I’m glad you two are working on being grownups about it, and I wish all three of you peace and happiness, and all the joy in the world.

  203. jen

    Words seem like small comfort sometimes when you’re dealing with such a radical shift in your reality and saying good bye to an ideal you held close…but I think there are moments when words come back to you and give you dose of comfort, hope, courage, happiness. I’m out here far away like many others commenting feeling for you as if you were one of the girl friends I get together with regularly. So – here are some words I like that I hope you’ll find helpful in some moment in some way.

    Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.

    Here’s to the light getting in!

  204. Sarah

    oh, maggie. so sorry for the pain you must have been going through. *hugs* –to new beginnings, from one who’s been there, too.

  205. Cara

    Though I have never met you personally, I believe you are one of the strongest women out there. I am sure that right now you don’t feel like being a superwoman, but know that you are an inspiration to a lot of us out there in the internet world. Keep your head high!

  206. Claire

    Your blog has always been a source of inspiration and joy to me. I don’t know what I could possibly say to return the favor, but all I wish you all the absolute best.

  207. amyrose

    Oh, Maggie…. I’m so sorry. Even when it’s the right thing, it doesn’t stop being difficult.

    The good news is that you CAN choose how to be parents together, how to exist in the world together, how to become partners in a different way. It takes time… it’s not the easy choice… it requires effort… but you both can make it happen. And it is SO worth it, not only for Hank, but for the the quality of life you want to have and the person you want to be.

    We are with you, lifting you all up.

  208. Katie M

    Sending thoughts and prayers to you during this difficult time…keep your head up, you will get through it!

  209. Anita D.

    What a courageous heart you have to share the real stuff. Wishing you peace and strength and people giving you lots of bear hugs! Be well.

  210. Kelly

    Hey Maggie, I echo the sentiment of the previous posters here… take care of yourself, Hank will be fine and as someone said earlier, it takes GUTS to make a change. We’ll all still be here when you’re inspired to write. Off to go click on some of your sponsor’s ads right now!

  211. Katie

    It sounds to me like you’re gazing across the wide open prairie of possibility before you, admiring its vastness. Rather than surveying storm clouds, you’re choosing to see the joyful herds of buffalo and all the riches they bring. And isn’t that the best place to start? It was for me.

  212. Gerry

    Sorry to hear of your seperation. I know that must have been a long, painful decision. I hope for big things for all three of you in the future! Stay strong!

  213. Laura

    I usually don’t comment, but I had to on this post. I am so incredibly sorry for what you are going through. Divorce is so painful and I’m sorry you’re going through that. You don’t have to apologize for taking time for yourself to heal – you’re an amazing writer with amazing readers and we’re here for you.
    Hugs,
    Laura

  214. Kelly

    …follow up post… reading through the comments now I wish to add to the genuine offer of place to stay if in the mood for a Mommy & Boy travel adventure. We Canadians are known for our gentle & polite hospitality, so heck, just show up in PEI, we all know each other here anyway you’d get a lift from the airport to my place! Hank can bunk in with my twins and we’ll eat lobster on the beach and drink wine. Perhaps come in Summer though, right now there’s 5 feet of snow. You’ve a huge wave of sincerity and love sent towards you Maggie, I hope it lifts your spirits. Also if you’re looking for guest posts or anything I’m sure your 300+ friends would come to you with a writing or photos or anything else to keep your blog content churning if that’s a concern you’ve been carrying – don’t worry about a thing, we’ve got your back if you ask.

  215. Dawn

    I am sure you (and Bryan) will handle this as you do everything else in your life. With thoughtfulness, kindness, and grace. Much love coming your way from the East Coast. xoxo

  216. marsha

    I think the greatest gift I gave my children was to remain friends with their father. It wasn’t easy, but it was possible. It has paid off with two wonderful, well-adjusted, and happy young adults. I’m sorry for your heartbreak.

  217. Kristen

    I will continue reading and supporting. Someone out there you’ve never met thinks you’re great. Now I think you’re great AND brave.

    My best to you.

  218. Meg

    Maggie, so sorry to hear about this. Thank you for being so brave as to share this in such a public space. My thoughts are with you. It seems like you’re already on your way up, so yay you! HUGS!

  219. jana

    Aw, man. My heart breaks for all of you. But I’m also super glad to hear for everyone’s sake that you’re working to be friends. That will be so, so good for Hank. And for both of you, too.

  220. Bea

    Sending you bear hugs, tap shoes, sunlight/moonlight, summer weather, secrets that come in bottles or on the backs of cool breezes, lifelifelifelife BEAUTIFUL LIFE and living.

    And love. Always love.

  221. Liza

    Is it wrong if I feel a little Steel Magnolias and have an urge to offer to let you take a whack at Ouiser? I really don’t have anything to add beyond what the previous 317 people have said; instead I will wish you and your family the best. Unless you want to take me up on the Ouiser thing. Or you need more Steel Magnolia quotes said in a very thick Southern accent. Because I love you more’n my luggage.

  222. Julie

    Ok, so we’re total strangers and will probably never meet but I want you to know that I think you rock. Seriously. And am sending over a huge-o wave of awesome/happy thoughts. So if you’re feeling awful, just remember that a huge-o wave of goodness is coming your way (did I mention it’s huge-o???).

  223. Anne

    Thanks for sharing this with all of us. Speaking from experience, sometimes a little separation is good for everyone and helps give perspective on how to move forward. In my case, after lots of professional talking and personal thought we were able to resolve to move forward together. That said, I wish much happiness for you, whatever form that takes.

  224. Peggy

    I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. It sucks when life doesn’t work out like you thought it would, but you’re strong enough to get through this, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. Be kind to yourself and know that there are lots of positive thoughts being sent your way.

  225. misstraceynolan

    My deepest condolences and many congratulations. Because this will be awful and wonderful for you, won’t it? Thank you for sharing. You’re one of my favourite writers, on the internet or otherwise and I know you’ll be able to tackle this the way you have every other challenge you’ve written about…with grace and humour and humanity. Your readers love you, Maggie Mason. And we’ve got your back. xo

  226. Laura

    Oh Maggie, I’m thinking of you. I almost never delurk, but I’m reading this two days after my husband moved out of my bed and into the basement, and therefore have to send you love and hugs.

  227. Gin

    De-lurking. My initial response was shock and sadness but I wish you & Bryan the best in your decision and much happiness. Love to you.

  228. amanda

    Oh Maggie, we will all be thinking of you and wishing you well as you embark on this next journey. Sending you much happiness.

  229. Kelly

    Talk as much as you need or want to…there will be no judgements here. This is your safe place with many who love and care for you.

  230. Luisa

    Yours is one of the brightest spots on the internet for this reader. My heart goes out to you and your family. Whether you’re sad or happy, your writing always delights. Whenever you feel blue, just think of all the joy you’ve brought to so many people’s lives (and will continue to do!). Hugs and strength.

  231. Know What U R Feelin'

    Thank you for being real. This is very meaningful and helpful in a virtual world. And thanks to you and Bryan for keeping your chins up, setting a good example. I wish I had the courage to leave my bad marriage.

  232. Cristina

    Maggie,
    I know what you’re going through. It’s a tough, tough time. Whether you initiated the separation, or not, the journey is just as hard AND emotional. I only have the best of feelings for my ex-hubby, and wish him the best in life, but it is very emotionally confusing time. As a matter of fact yesterday he sent me a “Happy would-have-been 14 years Wedding Anniversary” email. Made me laugh so hard, and realized why we got married to begin with. All we can do is move on, look forward and be happy.

    Best of luck!
    Cristina

  233. Michelle

    Oh, dear, that IS bad news. But courageous too, especially in your conviction to be a grown-up about it. That takes such strength.

    Hang in there, and don’t worry about us! We’ll be here when you’re ready to post again. :)

  234. bec

    So sorry to hear this. Sending much love and peace to you, Bryan and Hank as you take care of yourselves and each other through this.

  235. Ginger

    I’m so very sorry this has happened to you and I really admire that you shared it. Take care of yourself.

  236. carter

    While it may not be the best or most immediate comfort, know that you have a huge group of people who think the world of you and hope for your happiness and health.

    Your family will be in my thoughts no matter what form it takes. I hope the journey is as painless as possible and leads to a place where you can be you, and be happy.

    Thank you for being who you are and sharing those gifts with all of us.

  237. zoe

    like so many others, i want to tell you that you are an inspiration to us. sharing difficult news with grace and honesty – i don’t think that many of us could do it, so thank you for all that you’ve done and know that you are being wished well and held in the light from so many different places and people.

  238. Julie

    Supportive thoughts for you Maggie.

    Lisa said it so well when she said in the early comments: “It’s a testament to the intimacy and warmth of your blog that this news hit me as if it was my college roommate sending me an email with the same sad news.”

    Lots of love to you…..Julie

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