Bad News

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Hi everyone, I have some painful news. I’ve resisted writing this because it feels so final, but here goes. Bryan and I are separated.

I know this will come as a surprise to many of you, as it has to some of our friends. We’re both of the fine, thanks! camp, which is ideal for soldiering on, but confusing when your eyes well up.

Hank is doing well, we both get to see him every day, and Bryan and I are working on rebuilding a friendship. Bryan continues to be an amazing dad, and he will always be family. In addition to Hank, we still share a group of supportive, understanding friends, so please don’t be confused if he shows up in photos now and again. We’re both trying to be grownups.

Thank you to those of you who have sent concerned emails about my occasional absences lately. I feel less dazed every day, but I still start when I notice the space where my wedding ring used to be. I so regret not having the emotional resources to do my best work here lately. I’m sorry about that, and I hope you’ll give me a chance to make it up to you.

I’ve written a lot here about my dreams, and though this wasn’t part of my dream for my family, it has certainly been transformative.

In the last week or so I’ve finally felt solid enough to put together a plan, and while I still have all kinds of things I want to do, I’m also thinking more about how I’d like to feel and what I’d like to give. So let’s talk about all that good stuff in the coming week.

In the meantime, I owe you thanks for having been such a positive force in my life over the years. Thanks for being here with me in this upsetting time, just as you’ve celebrated with me in the happy moments. For those of you who are going through something difficult, I hope I can make you feel a little less alone too.

Here’s to more joy in all of our futures.

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344 thoughts on “Bad News”

  1. Thank you for sharing this with us, and for this eloquent post. And, likewise, thank YOU, for having been such a positive, inspiring force in my life (and others’, clearly) over the years. I wish you and your family well.

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  2. Everyone has already made such beautiful comments, but I just wanted to say I’m so sorry that you’re going through such a difficult time. Thank you for sharing so much of your life with us. Your post today hit me as though you were a real friend. I’m thinking of you and Hank and wishing you the best.

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  3. Sending love and light your way, along with hopes for easy healing and lots of support. Take care as you move through this and regain your balance.

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  4. Maggie – like so many others I am a long time reader (2003!!) and I have been thinking on you and your family all day since I read your sad news. I am sending you good thoughts, so much sympathy, and hope for the good times ahead.

    In the spirit of your 1000 songs playlist, here are some mellow tracks for you:

    Dave Mason “We Just Disagree”
    http://quietube.com/v.php/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8_FOQ7-P30

    Patty Griffin “Let Him Fly”
    http://quietube.com/v.php/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9g5d4bZdmI
    (“Nobody’s Crying” by Patty might also work for you)

    Wishing you peace.

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  5. Oh, what a terribly hard thing to face & experience. May you all be surrounded with much comfort & kindness. Much love to you, Maggie.

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  8. I felt like I’d been hit with a 2×4 when I read this post. Maggie, you are my role model, such an inspiration to me–your bad news has affected me (and I’m sure many others) as well. I wish you solace in the time ahead. I know things will get better for you.

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  9. So sad to read your announcement. It’s awkward enough to have to tell your friends, relatives, and co-workers, much less make an announcement on your blog that is read by thousands (nay, millions). I’m amazed at your bravery. My husband and I separated and then got back together 5 years later. We recently marked 22 years of marriage – off and on, I like to say. I hope everything works out for the best – for all of you.

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  10. Long-time lurker (and fan) comment:

    I am so, so sorry. I was abysmally bad at it when I went through it. I hope you two are able to work out where you need to be as painlessly as possible.

    It was really good to write it out sometimes because I could frame it to be a lot less harsh and scary than it felt. The advice I got for lots of things was often much better on here than in “real life” too, truth be told.

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  11. Hang in there and keep being yourself, whatever that entails, happy or sad or angry or something in between. I have read along for years and I love your authenticity. So sorry you are going through this.

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  12. I’m friends with my ex-husband. We don’t have children together, so it’s not such a daily thing, but I can honestly say that I look forward to our occasional lunches and other opportunities to catch up. Resolving to stay friendly, to be adults, was very hard in the beginning, but the payoff two years later, when everyone is genuinely friendly and nonawkward, was so worth it. Our friendship is priceless to me, and I’m so glad I didn’t lose someone I spent so many happy years with.

    All of this is just to say that I salute what you’re doing. Ignore the people who say it isn’t possible, and hang in there. It really is possible and it really does get easier.

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  13. Like many others, I’m a total stranger to you, and I come here for a dose of humanity in what often seems like an impersonal or dehumanizing world.

    Regardless of whether it’s your most “professional” work or not, your blog has, I can assure you, always been your _best_ work, because it’s been a reflection of your life–and you’ve lived your life with as much attention and passion and genuineness as you can.

    So thank you for writing–even about this. I’m sorry that you’re going through a hugely painful experience right now, and I hope that things improve tremendously, and soon. I wish you the very best in life (which you are so good at finding), and many unlooked-for blessings, as well.

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  14. Oh, Maggie, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You will come out the other side of it feeling empowered, I’m sure, as you are such a strong and inspiring woman. But that doesn’t make it suck any less. Sending you love, strength and hope.

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  15. Awww..Mighty Girl. It’s going to be okay. Because you are amazing. I just read all of the comments to this post, and they are truly a testament to you as a person. Lovely, generous and inspiring creature that you are. So I feel compelled to join the throng of de-lurking, long time readers to say, though its already been said, I’m sorry…but, moreover, Thank You (with regret for not having said it sooner). And also, good luck. I know you will take care of yourself. Whether that means taking some time out to be alone with your thoughts, or just inhaling Hank when that’s required, or reaching out to friends for support. We’ll be thinking of you. Take your time.

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  16. Thank you for everything you give to your readers. My condolences for your marriage and my best wishes on your new life. I look forward to your posts and new adventures.

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  17. Maggie, I just want you to know that I consider you to be one of my role models. Your grace, courage and constant pursuit of yourself inspire me every time I visit.

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  18. I read this last night (India time) and then dreamt that you came to India and stayed with me and I plied you with books and a hot water bottle. I’m sending you comforting thoughts, Maggie, subconsciously and otherwise. I love your blog and your grace and your projects and your infectious enthusiasm. Keep rocking and you have a place to stay in Mumbai, if you should visit. Hug.

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  20. Hi there,

    Delurking (in common with the 260-odd people before me, it seems!) to echo their comments…good luck to you all as you move forward from this.

    /relurk

    x

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  22. Oh Maggie, I’m so sorry. I hope that you can look at this pileup of condolences from people who are largely strangers to you and add it up to the heaps of support that I’m sure that you have in your face-to-face life. You’ll see that there is so much love in the world heading your way, even on the worst days of what I imagine must be a difficult transition. I’ll be thinking of you from here in Italy. xo

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  24. Sending nothing but positive vibes your way…you inspire so many people Maggie. I hope in reading all these supportive comments, you find comfort. Thinking of all of you in this difficult time! xo

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  25. I’ve been reading your blog for years and have never commented (but you have been a benchmark of good living for me in many, many ways).. and my heart sank when I read your news. You’re pretty amazing. Peace and love to you.

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  26. Maggie-
    Over the past few years you have become one of my favorite bloggers, and it has been a joy watching you and your family grow- and I’m sure you all will continue to do so. Don’t apologize for fewer posts, we will still read your bog. Don’t apologize for bad news,you are a human with a real life! I wish all of the joy and inspiration that you have given me and your other readers back upon you ten fold. You will always be our MightyGirl just by being you.
    lots of love

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  27. Maggie, I’ve been reading for years and I can’t even begin to tell you how much I admire you. I have no words of wisdom but please know that you have much love and support from someone you’ve never spoken to or have met, way out here in Texas.

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  28. I’m so, so sorry to read this. You will get through this, and amazing, wonderful things will come your way. Sending nothing but positive vibes your way, missy! Massive internet hugs!

    PS. Just wanted to let you know that even though I never sent you my life list, you inspired me with yours, and I’ve worked towards making those things a reality. I’ve already crossed off a few!

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  30. You are really something wonderful Maggie.
    Thank you for all you do and although we’ve never met, my heart goes out to you.

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  31. I don’t know really what to say. Whatever I do say in situations like this always ends up coming out wrong. 😦

    So I won’t say anything…I’ll just give you a :::hug:::

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  34. I’m so sorry — that description sounds a lot like what I went through (and frankly, am still dealing with) last summer. Friends, shocked. Eyes, welling. Trying to be a grownup.

    There are still days when… well. But there have been lots of days when finding my new place has been a lot of fun, too.

    Whatever worth hugs from a stranger may be — sending them your way.

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  36. i’m a new reader. i do blog but only have a handful of readers. i had a similar post back in june…people were surprised since i’m pretty open about things (incl female health issues) and had been very quiet about it…but i felt like it was too much of an “us” thing and that i didn’t have the “right” to talk about it when it wasn’t just ME. i eventually did…i felt i had to…but tried to keep it fair and not TOO angry and focused on me.

    anyway, i ramble…my divorce is amicable, but still not fun and still hard. but i’ve found peace…and 7m later also found someone really special too. have faith in yourself. be weak and wallow when you need to (have someone kid-sit so you can do so alone) but KNOW you are strong and will go forward.

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  37. I am so sorry for all three of you. I survived my divorced even though it was the thing I feared most having grown up with divorced parents. It remains difficult for us, even six years later. It will always be hard, but I try to see it as just one of life’s challenges, if it wasn’t this it might be something else. We are all still healthy, safe, employed. And my ex and I have the chance to set a better example for our children than we could have done together. Your blog is an inspiration, the grace, enthusiasm and mightyness that it exemplifies come from you and I suspect they will serve you well as you navigate this new role, new phase of your life.

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  38. Thoughts, prayers and hope for joy in the future for all three of you. I, too, want to echo the “you’ve given so many of us so much–if you need anything during this time, please ask. Because we will rally like nobody’s business” sentiment.

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  39. You and your family will move through this transition with grace and love and strength. Thank you for your honesty in this space– you truly are mighty.

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  40. Even though I don’t know you, my heart sank when I read that first paragraph. I visit with you daily, albeit online, and I feel as though I know you. Chin up.

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  41. It’s weird – you’re a complete stranger, and still there’s a sense of loss and sadness while reading this news … you’ve shared a lot of yourself, so I guess it’s only natural to feel like I know you a bit. I’m sorry that you and Bryan are going through this, and sorry for what must have been a difficult time in reaching the point of separation.Your blog has been a real source of inspiration and helped so many people choose to make their own positive and life-changing decisions. It’s only fitting that you live by your own dreams, too. Stay strong and true to yourself.

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  42. Always remember that you are not alone. You have built an entire community of supporters here on your blog. We’ll help you get through it just like you have helped us.

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  43. oh sweetie, I don’t know you at all but I’m so sorry for all of you. Here’s to continuing to be friends and a family, and to good things ahead.

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  44. Oh man, I’m really sorry to hear this. I hope that you and Brian can be successful in building a new relationship as parents and friends and that the healing process isn’t too painful. I’ll be thinking good thoughts for you xoxo

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  45. Maggie –

    Thank you so much for your sharing something so hard and emotionally draining. Thank goodness you’re both trying hard to be great parents to your gorgeous son, and I wish you all the best for the upcoming minutes, day, weeks and years ahead.

    :hugs, peace and love:

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  46. I started to write a comment last night, but like so many others, I’m a stranger to you, though I feel like you’re a friend to me. The thing that strikes me over and over is how hard this last bit, telling us, must have been, both because it’s putting it out there in public and because like you said, putting it in writing makes it more real. You are brave, Maggie.

    I’m glad you two are working on being grownups about it, and I wish all three of you peace and happiness, and all the joy in the world.

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  47. Words seem like small comfort sometimes when you’re dealing with such a radical shift in your reality and saying good bye to an ideal you held close…but I think there are moments when words come back to you and give you dose of comfort, hope, courage, happiness. I’m out here far away like many others commenting feeling for you as if you were one of the girl friends I get together with regularly. So – here are some words I like that I hope you’ll find helpful in some moment in some way.

    Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.

    Here’s to the light getting in!

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  48. oh, maggie. so sorry for the pain you must have been going through. *hugs* –to new beginnings, from one who’s been there, too.

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  49. Though I have never met you personally, I believe you are one of the strongest women out there. I am sure that right now you don’t feel like being a superwoman, but know that you are an inspiration to a lot of us out there in the internet world. Keep your head high!

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  50. Your blog has always been a source of inspiration and joy to me. I don’t know what I could possibly say to return the favor, but all I wish you all the absolute best.

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