Historically, I’ve been so terrified of the dentist I would have panic attacks at the thought of going — I mean that literally. I felt like I was going to pass out or throw up, or possibly die a horrible dental chair death to a symphony of drills. This complicated things when I finally got dental insurance and had an appointment where they told me I’d need about $30,000 of work beyond what was covered. That was when I was 22.
If you’re similarly terrified of the dentist, I found that being trapped in the elevator at my dentist office really helped put things in perspective, so try that. Otherwise, my tips for overcoming dental paralysis for major procedures are as follows:
1. Manage your own pain. Accept that there’s no need for you to feel anything beyond the novocaine shot. The minute you do, ask for more novocaine. Because of the panic, I metabolize that stuff like crazy, and have to ask for up to two reapplications per procedure. Raise a finger so they know to pause and tell them you have sensation. A good dentist is uncomfortable when you are, and they’ll take care of it or explain your options.
2. Close your eyes. You don’t need to see the implements. Especially not the needle. Breathe.
3. Pay attention to your body. Note how your entire body is clenched like a vise? Concentrate on relaxing your muscles one and at time, from the toes up. Unclench your jaw. Unfurrow your brow. If you feel yourself panicking, start again from the toes.
4. Wear headphones. Loud, soothing music you rarely listen to in real life. No need to sabotage your favorite tunes with dental recall. Ask your dentist to squeeze your hand if he or she needs something.
5. Find an escape. If your dentist doesn’t already have one, ask him or her to hang a poster of a soothing scene (the ocean or something) on the ceiling above the chair. That way, if you do open your eyes, there’s something non medical to look at.
6. Care for yourself. When you’re back at home, ice your jaw and rinse gently with warm saltwater whenever you’re in pain. This controls swelling and infection, both of which cause a lot of the post-procedural pain. If they gave you painkillers, take them the first day even if you don’t think you need them. If they gave you antibiotics, set an alarm on your phone to remind you to take every last one of them.
7. Take it easy. Trashy magazines, warm broth, ice cream.
Rinse. Repeat.
What did I forget? Tips for making your dentists appointment more bearable? Fill us in.
Mighty Girl 
“Dental recall”! Love.
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I say this, which shouldn’t need saying, because so many women I know don’t feel empowered about their own care.
If your dentist (or any medical professional) doesn’t listen to you, doesn’t respect your wishes, and/or makes you feel uncomfortable. TELL THEM. And if they don’t fix it or change: DUMP THEM.
Seriously. You are not married to them. Change. You deserve it.
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I know it sounds a little Pollyanna but this really helped me last time I was in the chair: I just sent out thanks that I was living a life where I could even get dental care and that I could afford it. (even if it was a tight squeeze on our budget.) I also thought to myself, over and over, how thankful I was that my every day life life doesn’t include pain. Not all of us are so lucky. And then I thought about the coffee I was going to have afterwards. 🙂
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Nitrous. Oxide.
They will give it to you if you ask, even for routine cleanings – about $1/minute and worth every penny. I’ve had jaw surgery and three sets of braces – which means that I typically clench and otherwise make it hard for the hygienist to get at my teeth. The nitrous gives me enough distance from the proceedings to let her in so she can do her work.
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I thankfully don’t have a fear about going to the dentist, but I was once told a long time ago NOT to shut my eyes during a procedure, under the theory that shutting off one sense can heighten the others. I don’t know if that’s actually true, but I do find if I close my eyes, all I can focus on is what I’m hearing, which usually is much more unpleasant to me than what I can see.
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Find a dentist who uses a water pick rather than the metal pick for tooth cleaning. So much more comfortable, gets your teeth so much cleaner. Oh, and usually means that your dentist rather than the technician does the cleaning, because apparently that shit is high tech? Also, Isak Dinesen was right: “The cure for anything is salt water – sweat, tears, or the sea.” And by the sea I mean rinsing with salt water. Seriously. Also very, very good for healing piercings.
Also, if you’re prone to gum sores and stuff, Ambosal is good stuff.
Also, I find it bizarrely comforting to interrupt my dentist mid-flossing speech: “Yes, I know I should floss. No, I don’t. Can we move on?” The last thing you want to do when you’re about to be uncomfortable is an attempted guilt trip. It might not be the most polite thing in the world or the most mature thing in the world, but if you don’t want to listen to it and you find it makes you less likely to go to the dentist, then I think it’s pretty fair to try and head it off.
I also tend to treat myself like a little kid after going to the dentist–when I was five I used to get a trip to the treasure chest and a milkshake if I was good–why not when I’m 25? At some level, we’re all this Pavlovian even if we want to be grownups.
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I can’t believe you don’t go for the nitrous!
Long story – when I was 12 I fell off a cliff and broke my jaw. I had surgery to reattach my mandible to the rest of my face, healed for about a year and a half, and then had braces put on and my wisdom teeth out in quick succession. By the time I was 18 I started getting physically ill at the IDEA of someone else prodding my face.
Fast forward 5 years before I tried to go to the dentist again and had the full on panic attack that you describe. I could get myself in the seat and force myself to ignore my fight or flight response and suffer through the cleaning/drilling/root canal. AFTER any appointment is when the real trouble would start and I’d need to spend two to three days in a quiet room because I’d have a migraine from the tension and panic (my TMJ was exacerbated by my full body tension).
Finally I went to a new dentist who approached my mouth with a cleaning implement and I started bawling. He smartly refused to work on me and talked to me about my issues and recommended nitrous during my procedures.
Now, it’s a night and day difference. I get novocaine AND nitrous and I don’t freak out. I just float in my brain and listen to music and am aware of what’s going on but I don’t feel the need to freak out about it. Now I can drive myself home from appointments AND go back to work the same day which was impossible before.
I will never have another dental procedure without it.
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I had my first ever root canal last year. I delayed the procedure for 5 years. I kept using the excuse, “we moved”. Finally my husband said to just suck it up and get it done. The surgeon was AWESOME. She said the second I feel anything, let her know and I did. I closed my eyes as soon as we started and did not open them unless she was asking me a question. I tried to relax and tried to take a “waking nap”, if that makes sense. She also had a great music selection, which helped greatly. I took the pain meds, I took the antibiotic after.
I have to see her again soon to have a wisdom tooth removed and I’m okay with that. 🙂
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Xanax beforehand. Then nitrous oxide and novocaine. And a dentist you’re comfortable with who listens to you. I don’t have dentist-specific issues but do have needle phobia that triggers panic attacks, and the only way I could get to an appointment that required needles in my mouth was a xanax and the knowledge that I didn’t have to be in pain in the chair. And that my dentist would be kind to me and listen to me. Speak up, ask for meds, ask for more pain relief.
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My dentist in my hippy town uses acupuncture. I have used that for minor work in lieu of Novocaine. I am the kind of person who needs 4 ampules of the stuff and it still doesn’t work. The acupuncture works like a charm.
They also have a massage therapist on staff to provide foot massage/reflexology for anxious patients at no additional charge. Heaven.
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Ditto on the Nitrous Oxide. Seriously. There is NO SHAME in asking for it no matter what age you are! I HATE the dentist and avoided it for way too many years. I finally found a “sedation dentist” in my area and met her and she is the bomb. She’s the one who had me try the nitrous and there is just no going back. She also is very patient in doing the numbing shots and will give me how ever many are necessary to have me totally numb. Having the right dentist is the key. They have to believe you are scared and are in pain and are willing to do whatever it takes to make you comfortable. For me, that includes nitrous. I have a lot of interesting conversations with myself when I’m on it and cannot even try to follow along with the dentist and her assistants while they are working on me. Love it. Love it. Life changing love it. No more gripping the chair and body aches the next day from all the tension. It’s amazing stuff.
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I’ve heard that red heads need more Novocaine than other people. They’ve done studies that red heads absorb it much faster.
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I had similar dental fears (I bit a dentist once because he wouldn’t GET OUT OF MY MOUTH despite my clear discomfort) and I found a dentist who let me use nitrous (and even worked out a handy deal for me since I had four root canals, three fillings, a deep cleaning and my wisdom teeth out thanks to a weird genetic issue with my teeth not forming well) and had Netflix. Instead of being scared in a dentist’s chair, I was relaxed, giggly and watching Arrested Development, which is, in my opinion, even funnier while high on nitrous.
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My last dental visit I went straight from the chair to the Anthropologie up the street. Nothing like adding to my mouth-debt with a little retail therapy.
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The best tips that my amazing holistic dentist and his staff have taught me:
– Use a neck pillow filled with lavender or spritzed with a lavender scent. The pillow supports awkward neck positions (especially if your petite and don’t fit the dentists’ chairs well)and lavender is oh-so-calming.
– Apply soothing clove paste for post-work achy gums and teeth
– Whenever possible they run the machines while I’m sitting up and not feeling so vulnerable. Seeing and hearing them so I can recognize the sounds and vibrations eases my panic when I’m laying down in the chair.
– What eases your tension in general? It’s laughter for me, so I listen to something funny on my way to the dentist and while I’m sitting in the waiting room and he always starts our appointments with a joke or funny story so we spend a few seconds chuckling together. It’s surprisingly effective.
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I recently had an experience where I was really nauseous at the dentist and as a result we proceeded very slowly with everything. I sat for a while before any of the procedure began, and was able to get comfortable. My stomach settled, but I found that having the injection and then waiting a little longer than normal helped, and so to did having the dentist allow me to control the pacing of things (on account of the nausea). My dentist also has the ability to predict exactly how long things will last during a filling, which is huge help for me.
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This is going to sound weird but I pinch my finger just a little bit so that I can redirect thoughts towards my hand and away from my mouth. This also keeps me from tensing up too much.
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If the procedure requires a sedative of any kind: A really, REALLY good friend to pick you up. The crap that comes out of your mouth (whether words or detritus) can be bad. Really, REALLY bad.
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I have a very strong gag reflex. My current dentist also has one and taught me this trick: ask for a cotton ball soaked in rubbing alcohol, the smell of it opens your throat making you gag reflex farther down, and to think of something else like wiggling your toes.
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First of all, this couldn’t have come along at a better time. I have serious dental phobia. I’d rather be in pain than sitting in that dentist chair with the light beaming down on me. This has, however, led to many years of just refusing to go see the dentist. The last two times I was there I had panic attacks. It was awful, especially having never experienced a panic attack before. This post (along with the last one – thanks for that, too. So brave to share!) has convinced me to call and make an appointment. I’ll bring along my ipod and a lavender neck pillow and take a ton of deep breaths.
Thanks, from the bottom of my heart. I really needed this.
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find a dentist you love! that made all the difference in the world to me, and i tell her repeatedly the only reason i keep going back is because she’s awesome (and i know bad dentists, i spend thousands a year on dental care) she also gives you a big fuzzy warm blanket to use while you are in the chair, and something about that just soothes you right away. never fear-she washes them after each use-i asked 😉
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I have so much dental anxiety that even reading this post has made me feel anxious.
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I found that actually telling my dentist that I was scared made all the difference. Though it was not my first (or last) root canal, I had to have one a couple of years ago and I got really worked up about it. When I arrived at the appointment, I blurted out that I was really scared, and my dentist and his assistant were really sympathetic and made an extra effort to put me at ease.
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After having a dentist drill a tooth without novocaine (“oh it’s so small you don’t need it”) & then drill the corner of my lip accidentally, I didn’t go for 10 years!
Then I found telling my dentist up front that I’m a sensitive patient & why made all the difference. Yhey are much more aware. My dentist also discovered that novocaine doesn’t work for me & I need a different number or a lot more. As the commenter before mentioned they have found this is very common with people with any red in their hair. My husband has the same issue.
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Sunglasses. No joke. Dentists don’t bother me (I have pretty good teeth, thankfully), but the light does. And splatter. Wearing sunglasses means you can open your eyes and not be blinded by lights above you, and it means no crap gets into your eyes.
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Another vote for nitrous! Nothing bothers me with that little mask strapped on.
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I can completely relate. And, I am moving forward with having a procedure myself this year. No more being run by my teeth.
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My best friend was tied into a dentist’s chair when she was a child- standard practice at that dentists office, (but not looked favorably, her dad about killed the dentist when he found out,) but she has had severe anxiety ever since. So her husband has to call and make the appointment for her, and the dentist calls in an Rx for tranquilizers for her, and her husband has to take her and sit with her. She says it’s gotten a little bit better in the last year, but it is still not an easy thing for her to go.
I personally have to have laughing gas before I even get stuck with a needle, but once I have the gas I’m good to go. I spend time trying to make myself worry or care about anything and thus far the gas makes me not care about tornadoes which is a huge fear of mine. However, it does not make me not hate my ex husband, so there you go. Nothing is perfect.
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This is amazing. I am just sitting here refreshing the comments! I just started what I expect to be a long dental saga. I think maybe I will just read this post over and over again all weekend and see if that helps….
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Wait a minute – you can drive yourself home after having nitrous?! Is that true?
@kristin a: I’m also feeling anxious just reading this.
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Nitrous oxide, YES!
And, not just headphones but noise-cancelling headphones for me.
I am lucky enough to have a dentist who will stop what he is doing and remove his hands from my mouth if I raise my hand (as a prearranged signal to stop). Usually a couple breaths to feel safe and refocus and I’m an agreeable patient again. But I really need that sense of contol.
The other thing that helped me was yoga/meditation. Everyone would tell me to slow my breathing down to calm myself, but I would still hyperventilate, just a little slower. Took a few months or a year of yoga to be able to finally control my breathing enough to tap into the calm in the dental chair, but that helps now too. Not as much as the drugs though.
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As a lifelong dentalphobe, my most successful strategy apart from getting tons of Novocaine and finding a dentist I actually like is to make appointments EARLY in the day. For me anxiety is multiplied a million times if I have to wait all day before the appointment. If I can basically get out of bed and head there it’s not so bad, and then it’s OVER and I can feel all proud of myself all day long.
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After years of panic before any dental appointment, I tried hypnotherapy. I was so happy I did. I am still a bit nervous, but it is nothing like it was before (passing out so suddenly that it appeared like a grand mal seizure to observers). It turns out I had vaso vagal syncope that was triggered by acute stress, my phobia of dentists. As long as a drink plenty of water in the 24 hours before the appointment (to keep my blood volume up), ask to elevate my feet during the entire procedure and for 5 minutes following and focus on my breathing (which is what the hypnosis empowered me to do), I am no longer afraid. And, I am giddy proud of myself like a 2nd grader every time I leave the dental office.
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I’ve never had major dental work done (yes, you may hate me) but my husband has. He got a root canal yesterday (on his 38th birthday, no less) and “got gassed” for the first time. He said he wouldn’t undergo another dental procedure without it. He also said that he had the “Hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity dog!” song from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse running through his head the entire time. So beware of that.
@ #30 Jana- yes. I drove my husband yesterday but he said he didn’t feel hungover or sleepy or anything and probabl would have been fine one his own. The effects start to wear off soon after you stop inhaling it. You wear a mask during the procedure and the gas is on the whole time.
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my dental fear is so intense I cannot even READ this properly.
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Another vote for nitrous oxide. And yes, you can drive home after. My dentist explained to me that it’s one of those things that, when it’s turned off, it clears your system really quickly. Like in just a few minutes, probably before I even got out of the chair to pay the bill. ~8p
I’m another one who uses headphones and that helps a lot. Also an eye-closer here.
I’ve had two root canals in my life (neither by my current dentist) and both were botched leading to unnecessary pain and then more expense when I had to go to an endodontist to fix it (which is what I should have done in the first place).
So I’ve told my current dentist that, if he ever has to tell me I need a root canal, he should do it from across the room because my natural instinct is going to be to punch him in the mouth. Nothing personal.
I have a high pain tolerance but don’t feel I should have to prove it at the dentist, and neither should anyone else.
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I keep my hands folded on my belly when I have dental work done. I find that if I focus on keeping my hands relaxed, ie don’t turn my thumb purple from sqeezing my fingers together, I will stay relaxed.
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My 2?
1) If your dentist or hygienist does something you don’t like, tell them. If they continue, find a new one. My dad doesn’t like anyone chatting with him. It’s in his file – and he complained about one woman so much, she ended up getting fired. Not ideal, but it works.
I don’t like being given the guilt trip about my care. I brush and floss, but between bad genes and bad water as a kid, my teeth are soft and I’m not going to be super OCD about it. Telling me what I “should be doing” just makes me feel bad and hate doing it, as well as going to the dentist. It took 3 years, but I finally found a nice dentist who doesn’t do it.
2) Get a break between the shot of novocaine and the work. It takes time to start doing its thing – best idea my surgeon had for my root canal was the “free orthodontic consultation” included in the procedure. What it really was is a way to keep me distracted and busy while the shot kicks in fully.
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A totally hot dentist. I don’t have a need for much more than twice-yearly cleanings, but my dentist is so good looking that I look forward to going.
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Wow. You are the first person who fears the dentist as much as I do. My prescribes Valium, which helps but only a little. Then they use the Nitrous Oxide, but that only works a little, too. I still feel that vise-like tension, and it usually results in a stiff neck and sore back the next day. I try the same muscle-release trick! And I always wondered why I need SO much Novocaine. I didn’t realize my paralyzing fear was causing me to need more shots. I need to calm down. I had a broken filling fixed December 26th and my jaw is just now feeling better. Thanks for sharing!
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Oh man, I can relate to ALL of this. In my formidable years my baby teeth refused to budge while my adult teeth were lazy in coming down so my dentist pulled 9 of my teeth at various points through my early teenage years instead of letting nature run its course. Everytime I went I would dread the news that “yep, we should take out this one/these two/that molar, etc” and inevitably I would be back there a week later with a giant-handed dentist removing my bicuspid (I’m joking…I don’t even know what a bicuspid is).
We moved cities in my mid-teens and we acquired a new and wonderful dentist. This dentist employed the “raise your hand if you’re in pain technique” and what a difference it makes to know you have a little more control as a patient. I ended up getting braces and had serious reshaping work done to sculpt and make my smile pretty. I was in the chair for about 3 hours and had a shot but it was no where near as traumatic as my previous “extractions” (I freaking hate that word).
I dislocated my jaw in high school and ever since a dental appointment with a wide open mouth leaves my jaw aching even if the appointment isn’t too invasive. My trick is to take something BEFORE the appointment to dull the pain instead of waiting until I have a headache afterwards.
Hands down though, if you’re dentist isn’t listening to you, find a new one. I also employ that rule for doctors and husbands. Just kidding, I wouldn’t leave a doctor on that basis – do you know how hard it is to find a GP who’s willing to take new patients these days??
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Sedation. It has saved my teeth. Worth every extra penny.
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As an adult, I have had a lot of dental procedures done; multiple root canals, multiple gum grafts and of course fillings galore.
You MUST find a dentist with whom you feel comfortable. That is the key that opens the door to dental success.
And I resonate with the “hot.” I think mine is Super Woman – gorgeous, smart and incredibly nice.
Another good hint – if you need special work, go to a specialist! My dentist is so awesome and I feel so comfortable that I knew if she referred me to a specialist that I could trust that dentist as well. I went to an endodontist for 2 of my 3 root canals and it is a DREAM. This Dr. does root canals all day, every day. While this sounds like hell to me, it is something she clearly derives satisfaction from. Which means she does it as quickly and painlessly as possible and also that she’s heard it all – meaning whatever issue you have, she can solve it or work with it.
And yes – ask for the drugs after a frank discussion with your professional. Dentists don’t want you to be uncomfortable, if for no other reason than because it makes their job more unpleasant! And I’ve never encountered one that wasn’t willing to write a prescription for before/during/after procedure meds.
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I really struggled to read this post, and couldn’t make my way through the comments because I have a massive dental phobia. I didn’t go for 19 years; then I needed a mouthful of fillings, my wisdom teeth removing and a couple of root canals.
I found a dentist who did the work under anaesthetic. Sadly this is no longer legal in the UK, but it is still possible to have work done under sedation. I have been really trying hard to be braver, not least because otherwise I have to wait months for treatment (not good when bits of your teeth are crumbling on a daily basis).
My best tip, and I’m sorry if someone has already said this, is to practice a form of self-hypnosis. I basically do that whole thing where you think of a beach/tranquil scene you have been where you were really calm and happy, and then try to picture every last detail. I try to imagine I’m there, I try to remember how I felt when I was there, I basically try anything I can to NOT think about what’s happening. I also wear headphones with loud music on.
I feel your pain. I am speeding through this comment without re-reading because it’s making me feel sick to talk about it. Argh.
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I have a slightly different kind of comment, that I hope will be helpful to someone out there. I think all the above comments about nitrous oxide and sedatives and relaxation and establishing / maintaining / insisting on a good relationship with your dentist are great.
My comment is about where to go. I have lived in the SF Bay Area for ten years and in all that time, I had never seen a dentist here. For a few years, I’d just wait until I went back east and see my old dentist there for a cleaning or whatnot.
But I live here and really, I should have a dentist. Finally, this past year I vowed to take care of this since I had a few weird hereditary teeth issues that needed to be handled.
Enter the amazing pre-doctoral program at the UCSF School of Dentistry. Folks who do not have dental insurance (me!) and/or do not have tons of money to spend out of pocket on dental (me!) – this is for you. The clinic is huge, on the UCSF campus up on Parnassus; the pre-doc students are very professional and supervised very closely by faculty dentists; the whole program is run like a tight ship – and best of all, you can get all your dental work done at half the price or less of a dentist in private practice.
Now, this may not be the very best option for those who need some special treatment and want it over ASAP. The fact that it’s a student clinic means the appointments take a little longer. But both of my students have been great – very interested in me, communicative, sensitive, concerned about how I was doing, and stellar at explaining everything beforehand and as they went along.
I’m having an implant done there currently and it’s going great. People: quality, state of the art dental care, so, so cheap!
Hope that helps someone who’s been putting it off because of the cost. Good luck!
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I have a real fear of going to the dentist too!! I had a broken tooth for years that I didn’t get fixed because I just couldn’t bring myself to make the appointment. I’m a lot better with it now (oddly after getting a root canal I started to get better!) and my tips are:
Find a dentist you trust, explain to them that you are freaked out by “x” (for me it’s pain and not being able to stop when I need to) and get them to work with you on that
Think of something really amazing that you are going to do afterwards and just focus on getting to that — remind yourself that the appointment will only take a short time in the context of your life
Breathe and use your breath to relax your body
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I can only recommend talking to your dentist/hygienist/surgeon. I’ve never met a true sadist at the dentist’s office. They truly do care about your comfort and security. Don’t be ashamed of your fear or discomfort. It’s not a natural thing, to be sitting in a chair with the lights and implements and such in your mouth. Tell the assistants how you feel and keep telling them. Raise your hand, work out a signal, wave, whatever. A relaxed patient makes for a quicker appointment and easier procedure.
melissa is right – eyes shut makes me feel more. I try to stare at that weird light on an arm. It blocks the other items floating around my periphery.
Nitrous did nothing for me. And the thing about redheads? Totally true. I got 2 crowns and needed so much Novocaine my dentist nearly had to CAUTERIZE my gums.
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In the distraction category? I had a dentist in Pennsylvania who had virtual reality goggles and a big shelf of movies. He’d make sure I was numb, turn on the movie and work. And all of a sudden I was looking forward to that next appointment, if only to see the second half of “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels”
corragio, amici!
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Thank you for the timing of these dental posts. I need to make an appointment but I’m on the verge of a panic attack just reading and writing this. Shaking hands, racing heart, teary eyes. For some reason it’s a little comforting reading about so many others with the same fear. I don’t know how to get past it enough to even find a dentist I like. How do you know if you’ll like him or her?
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During a terrible dentist experience (root canal at 21) 14 yrs ago, I fainted from anxiety (shout out to the fellow vasovagal sufferer above!) and have been working hard at alleviating the anxiety ever since. i had no fear of needles, docs, or dentists before that experience. slowly, slowly i’ve been getting a handle on it.
big 1st step was going back to my prior dentist (whom i loved but was out of my area) for the next few years…2-hr round trips were worth it! after that, i bumped up my standards when looking for a dentist–looked for someone who made me feel comfortable, answered all my questions, and was understanding of my anxiety.
i have recently found a one locally whom i’m happy with and just had a three new fillings put in. i have to go back for more work. funny enough, the final thing that put me at ease was something that had happened 3 days before my appt. i was looking through civil war medical photos (prob not an excellent good choice, but it is what it is), astonished at the number of wounded soldiers who died just due to infection and a young medical industry. all i could think after that was how lucky i am that i live in a time when these things are fixable, and we can be numb for them! i would never have thought that i would feel grateful for a needle in the mouth, but amazingly, i did. (ha, and for the first time ever, thanks to a great new doc, i didn’t feel that needle or anything afterwards).
oh and as a SF bay area dweller, i second the above vote for UCSF dental school–i have heard fantastic things about it (newest technologies, great skill, and great prices) from quite a few folks.
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