30 thoughts on “Failing My Black Belt Test

  1. Stephanie

    Yes, somehow they succeed in not only making me look matronly, but making me sweat around the middle so I feel matronly. Not hot.

    Well, hot. But, not hawt.

  2. jen

    I completely suck at belts. I know that they are supposed to do amazing things, but I can’t make them do those things. Somehow they make me feel less feminine (manly even) and that they are highlighting the fact that I don’t have a waist.

  3. Megan

    Agreed! Belts seem to accentuate my love handles without bringing any definition to my waist. I see girls wearing them and I think they’re so cute, but any time I try them on myself, it’s terrible!

  4. Louise

    Thrilled to hear someone else has this issue. I love belts, think they’re adorable, even OWN some, and yet, can’t ever leave the house comfortably with one on. (Unless it’s to hold my pants up.) I feel like a fashion failure.

  5. Tina

    Preachin to the choir. They either make my wobbly bits pudge out everywhere or they fall off. I just bought a new one from Ann Taylor Loft. I have no idea what to do with it.

  6. Amanda

    Thank god someone said it out loud. I cannot do belts. I have one dress that I purchased a wild purple and black dress that came with a belt. It was the hilt of matchy-matchy. One day out of sheer exasperation with the awfulness of the belt, I looped it with a string of costume beads of my grandmother’s. It was perfection. I have since lost the beads. Sigh.

  7. Shem

    I know, I have the same problem. I’m lucky enough to be naturally slim, but belts just make my ass look enormous! However, this doesn’t seem to stop me buying them. It’s like I refuse to admit that I just can’t do belts, I have to believe that I simply haven’t found the right one yet. The search continues…

  8. Emma

    Is there some kind of evening class I can sign up to learn how to be the kind of woman who knows what to do with a a belt? There should be…

  9. Caitlin

    I agree with Tina – belts have a negative impact on my image and self-image. Altogether bad. What else to do? I might start using them to hold together groups of things – suitcases, books, cartons of soy milk. This could work.

  10. Leslie

    Yup. I fail hardcore at belts. And my waist is actually the smallest point of me, but they make me look like I have a beer gut. It’s sad, because I like them so much and I don’t know WHY they don’t like me back…

  11. tasha

    Amen to that! I thought I was the only one. Of course I have that friend who is the ultimate belt master..it just comes easy to her.

  12. Sromeo

    So bad at belts. Last night I picked up three to try on and when I got to the dressing room I didn’t even bother.

  13. Hope

    This post makes me feel profound relief. I thought I was all alone. Belts either push my belly fat up or down – either way it’s ugly. I love the idea of belts but, sigh, don’t think we’re meant to be.

  14. katrina

    Belts tie shapeless outfits together and make you look slimmer and so much more pulled together. Come to the belt side, we have curves.
    Check out the super-smart ladies over at academichic (http://www.academichic.com/)- they have inspired me to add belts to so many more of my outfits. I wear them 5-6 days of the week now! So many creative ideas there.

  15. Louise

    I have a beautiful Japanese obi style belt that a close friend gave me years ago. It hangs in my closet, taunting me. The beautiful, intricate fabric deserves a relatively blank canvas to shine against, but I just can never tie it properly, of find the right combination (top and skirt, dress?) to wear it with. Sigh.

  16. Ariel

    I cannot do belts. I’m short, and hippy and assy.
    Belt around hips? HUGER HIPS. Not good. Belt around waist? Goodbye waist.

  17. kristen

    I’m with Ariel. Belts are very hard to do if you’re short and curvy with a short torso. They bring too much attention to all the wrong things, particularly the lack of space between the bottom of the boobs and the top of everything else.

  18. Meg

    I actually DO have the figure for belts, and I’m still at a loss.

    Once in a while I make them look good with the outfit, but then so often I have this problem: skirt, top, belt in middle. Belt spends the day sootching, untucking top, makeing me look like a disaster.

    THOUGH! I got a leather wrap belt in Italy. Awesome. No scootching, and as long as it’s a once peice dress or somthing? Raddddd.

  19. Jet Harrington

    Ariel + Kristen, being tall and curvy and short-waisted does not make belt-wearing any easier. I gave up a long time ago.

    Maggie, I am sure that by fashion-fu you meant a delicious play on words for martial arts and such. I read it as Fashion-F-U (spelled out) and I think belts are the ultimate F U from fashion to me. I am chagrined.

    Scarves – on the other hand – I LOVE. Scarves have floaty movement, and bring the eye wherever they are (which is never around my hips or waist or thighs, dreams of being a belly-dancer notwithstanding). Scarves are a fashion-high-five.

  20. Holly

    Thank you! I can’t do belts, have never done belts, for many of the reasons listed above. They make me feel masculine, or accentuate my tummy, or somehow shorten my torso. ugh. Can’t do. I thought it was just me. So nice to know I am not alone.

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