Despite weeks of anxious keening whenever I tried to get near Hank with his elephant costume, it took Dad approximately ten minutes of coaxing to get our little guy suited up.

“How the hell did you do that?”
“I promised him chocolate.”
“Oh.”
So Hank would put his hat on to obtain candy, and then remove the hat once he’d procured it. After about the fifth house, he just left it on. Suckah!

Later that night, Bryan settled in while I figured out what to wear to Meg and Rahul’s annual Halloween bash. I ultimately went as Mia from Pulp Fiction, because I randomly had all the elements in my closet.

Please note the faux hypodermic needle sticking out of my chest.

I was going to bloody my face, but Bryan advised against it on the grounds that the “needle” would only last 20 minutes or so and then I’d just look like some confusing modern-day Cleopatra zombie.
Shockingly, the needle went the distance. Around 2 a.m. I had to steady myself against a bathroom stall at the Makeout Room while another drunk girl peeled it off my chest. It wasn’t nearly as hot as it sounds.