Old Habits

categories, My Life

Me: You used my toothbrush.
Him: I did?
Me: Yes, you’ve done it three times this week.
Him: Oh.
Me: Mine is the blue one. Yours is the green one.
Him: Eh, it’s not like we’ve never made out. Same diff.
Me: Ugh! Uggggh. I’m not into finding my toothbrush mysteriously wet. Also, you don’t rinse off all the toothpaste and it’s gross. Also stop using my goddamn toothbrush, dude
Him: OK.

Two days later:

Me: You used my toothbrush again.
Him: Oh.
Me: Stop it.
Him: OK.

Three days later:

Me: Did you see I bought a purple toothbrush for me?
Him: I did!
Me: You are green! I am purple!
Him: I appreciate that.

A week later:

Me: AAAAHHHHHHHH!!! AHHHHHH! Stop using my toothbrush you big jerk! Stop it! Stop it!
Bryan: Shit.
Me: You just use whichever one is closest, don’t you?
Him: Yes.
Me: You don’t even check, do you?
Him: No.
Me: You’ve been doing this for several years and I’m just now noticing. Is that what’s going on here?
Him: Yes.
Me: Excuse me while I go scrape my tongue.

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192 thoughts on “Old Habits”

  1. My husband takes mine and sits down and does something on the computer and begins to chew on it an messes up all the bristles! I can buy hot pink one and he always seems to reach for the one that is not his.

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