Sara’s Bachelorette

My Life

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We arrived in Vegas fresh, hydrated, and well stocked with penis-shaped party supplies and outfits too slutty to wear at home. The Las Vegas airport greeted us with an enormous banner featuring Carrot Top in pancake makeup, surrounded by women in bikinis. The text read, “Carrot Top Fantasy.” I’m pretty sure I’ve seen that prhase somewhere before.

ox·y·mo·ron [ok-si-mawr-on, -mohr-]
–noun, plural -mo·ra
Rhetoric.
a figure of speech by which a locution produces an incongruous, seemingly self-contradictory effect, as in “deafening silence,” “poor little rich girl,” or “Carrot Top fantasy.”

Every square inch of Vegas is decorative. There’s fabric on the ceiling, crystals on the tabletops, tassels on women’s nipples. In the evening, as I removed my tassels to pump breast milk in the private massage room of our suite at the Wynne, I thought to myself, I need more agate doves in my life. Where can a girl get her hands on some agate doves?

The answer of course, was the lobby. So we swiped a few on our way out to see KA, which was magical. Seriously, people, if you haven’t seen any Cirque du Soleil, you must. Those shows will make you dream better.

I’m joking about the doves, of course. They were glued down.

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35 thoughts on “Sara’s Bachelorette”

  1. Love the sailor suit, but why are there no pictures of the doves? Or am I blind and foolish and missing something?
    Either way, these pictures make me so sad that I don’t have any best girlfriends anymore – it looks like you guys had a blast!

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  2. OMG, love her crown.
    Vegas is exactly as you described, and I miss it so much more right now. Never stayed at the Wynn. Bet it’s swank though.

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  5. MUST know where to get such a tiara. Please post at M-Goods!! And please don’t tell us that the only one is the $350 model from Regencies.

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  8. Rubbing alcohol. A little rubbing alcohol on the base of the agate doves and they’re *yours*!

    For more glue-dissolving tips, visit Bossy.

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  9. I just got back from Vegas and will just direct people to this post when they ask what it’s like. Such a great description!

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  12. She looks adorable in that tiara. I sat next to a bachelorette party at a sushi place last week and wanted to kill the girl wearing the identical tiara, but your friend does not create the same desire to stab the wearer of the tiara with my chopstick that the other girl did…

    beautiful photos as usual…

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